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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas cards in school

136 replies

BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:00

My child is in reception. They have some social problems, possibly ASD, no diagnosis yet.

Every day last week the other children have been coming out with handfuls of Christmas cards. My child has had just 2.

My child is quite bright, they see what’s going on and it makes them sad. They want friends but are struggling making them.

AIBU to think that if you want your child to send cards to their class then you make sure they include all the children and not leave just a couple out?

OP posts:
Orlande · 09/12/2018 12:38

I never even considered doing cards to the whole class to be honest, my Reception child just wrote them to his friends. I'm not going to make a 4 year old write 20+ cards!

Lindtnotlint · 09/12/2018 17:17

Please please do everyone or no-one. Or post them to people’s houses. If handing out at school it is horrible for kids who aren’t the popular ones and don’t get them while seeing others get loads. Especially in early years where friendship groups are not very clear and lots will send to the same “popular” (outgoing, confident and visible) folk leading to some DC with 15+ and some with 0. It’s just not necessary.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/12/2018 17:23

Whole class is madness! That is 30 kids. No whole class parties or cards here. 15 to 20 usually. It hasn't caused any problems for my two. My dd is a good writer but she's only 4. I'm not encouraging her to write 29 cards.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 09/12/2018 17:32

How is writing to the whole class madness ?
30 cards that literally say to X from X.

I don’t make my daughter write them, she does some and I do the rest. It takes 10 minutes, hardly going to lose the plot writing a few cards so others don’t feel left out.

ifiwasabutterfly · 09/12/2018 17:47

In reception one of the mums put a note in the book bags which we replied to and then made a list of all the children and our phone numbers and we each got a copy.

This happens every year at the school to my knowledge and is always organised by a second/third/fourth time round mum.

I'm sure on here everyone will be up in arms about it but in real life I have never heard of anyone not being involved. It makes everything so much easier!

Lindtnotlint · 09/12/2018 17:47

“It hasn’t caused any problems for my two”. Well perhaps not, but maybe it has for others is I think the point!

If kid can’t write enough then help, or send out of school. Or just don’t do it. It’s not compulsory.

ifiwasabutterfly · 09/12/2018 17:51

When mine were in reception I did the "to jack" "love" and they just wrote their name. Did a few a night over a week really not that difficult to do 29!

10PollyPockets · 09/12/2018 17:55

That's so mean, in dds school the kids all tend to send cards to the whole class. I write the first names and dd writes her own name at the bottom. Is there a class fb page or WhatsApp group you could delicately bring it up on?

Harleyisme · 09/12/2018 17:55

I have a ds in reception class with similar sn he hasn't got any cards yet. We have sent one in for everyone in class we didn't know everyones name so we just sent in blank cards for the teacher to give out.

SoyDora · 09/12/2018 17:56

My DD is in reception and has written her cards today. We aren’t allowed class lists so I’ve had to rely on her to remember (plus the ones I know), so we may have missed a couple Blush. I’m going to try and get the rest of the names this week.
It is shitty not to do them for everyone if you have all the names.

dementedpixie · 09/12/2018 18:05

If you don't know names leave the envelopes blank and inside the card just do 'from .......' without doing the 'To' bit

SoyDora · 09/12/2018 18:12

If you don't know names leave the envelopes blank and inside the card just do 'from .......' without doing the 'To' bit

Good idea but DD’s go into a post box and are delivered to classrooms by other students at the school.

bookwormnerd · 09/12/2018 18:17

That's really sad but is more a reflection on parents. We write one to everyone in class and that is genrally the rule among whole class (My oldest is older than yours but been that way since reception) my little boy has autism and I will be really sad if he gets left out when he starts school. I used to write them in reception and then daughter just put her name. I always just buy a bumper pack of 50 so not like it's expensive if your buying cards anyway and its teaching a child an essential lesson about empathy and acceptance. I used to be a teacher and it broke my heart to see the children with special needs being left out constantly, we had to ban invitations been given out in line as it was so horrid

dementedpixie · 09/12/2018 18:17

Ah right. Ours just got handed out in class and our school never gave out lists

knowingkaleidoscope · 09/12/2018 18:19

Some schools don't always give out class names so the children need to remember the names and sometimes children's names get forgotten unless they are friends.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 09/12/2018 18:21

That's sad and wrong of the parents not to want to encourage their kids to do cards to everyone. I admit we stopped inviting the whole class to birthday parties after Yr 1, but they still do cards to everyone.

missperegrinespeculiar · 09/12/2018 18:21

yes, all class for cards and parties here in YR and Y1, after that I think friendship groups get more defined and it is ok to invite and send cards to just a few friends, although I still make sure it is not just one child left out, because that's awful at any age!

To PPs, sorry, but I do think it is a little inconsiderate risking hurting a young child just to avoid some effort on your or your child's part, especially when the child may already be struggling a little, either with SEN or other difficulties

YANBU, OP, it's awful, especially in reception, and yes, my kids would be happy to send cards to yours, too, if you think it would cheer them up! (although I know it's not the same as getting them from their school "friends")

trilbydoll · 09/12/2018 18:21

We don't write them to everyone because DD loses interest, she is Y1 now and wrote 4 the first night but it would be painful to get through 30. Last year I just made sure she sent cards back to whoever sent her one, that's just good Christmas etiquette!

Orlande · 09/12/2018 18:26

Some years we haven't bothered with cards at all Shock
If my dc are really keen to do some they do though - so far this year my 4 year old has written about 4 and 8 year old maybe 10 plus his teachers.

settmenu · 09/12/2018 18:32

We don't have a class list. I just rely on the DC to remember everyone. If your DC is struggling with school it might be that (sadly) they aren't on a lot of other children's radars and get accidentally left off.

SoyDora · 09/12/2018 18:34

Ive just counted up and realised we’re missing 1 child! I’ve tasked DD with figuring out who it is tomorrow.

dementedpixie · 09/12/2018 18:37

There's always one they can't remember. I used to ask them to visualise the classroom and say who sits next to who to try to jog their memory

dementedpixie · 09/12/2018 18:38

Did you count your own dd?

SoyDora · 09/12/2018 18:39

Yes I counted her Grin

1wokeuplikethis · 09/12/2018 18:43

My daughter is 5 and wants to send cards to everyone. I say, she wants to...she wrote three very wordy cards as she wanted to fill up the whole page, to the first three friends she thought of.

I keep asking her if she wants to do some more but she isn’t interested. Im not going to make her sit down and write 27 more cards if she doesn’t want to and make it into a chore. She is five! She already has school, projects, a nativity play (lines and songs to remember), swimming lessons, learning reading and writing.... Xmas cards are not of great importance.

Maybe that’s what the other parents feel too.