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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas cards in school

136 replies

BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:00

My child is in reception. They have some social problems, possibly ASD, no diagnosis yet.

Every day last week the other children have been coming out with handfuls of Christmas cards. My child has had just 2.

My child is quite bright, they see what’s going on and it makes them sad. They want friends but are struggling making them.

AIBU to think that if you want your child to send cards to their class then you make sure they include all the children and not leave just a couple out?

OP posts:
Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 18:43

If your DC is struggling with school it might be that (sadly) they aren't on a lot of other children's radars and get accidentally left off.

I’m sure this is the case rather than anyone nastily leaving out my child but it doesn’t make it any easier for him, especially when whole class lists are readily available. I’ve got access to it in 3 different places without even asking.

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LJdorothy · 09/12/2018 19:01

As a reception teacher I'd make a plea to send cards to the whole class or don't bother. Stop making excuses that it's time consuming or too much effort for your child. If that's the case do them yourself. Itll take 10 minutes. I know because I send one to all my pupils so they all get at least one card, because I'm the muppet who gets handed a pile of cards and starts to give them out only to find there isn't one for everyone. I swear you wouldn't do this if you saw the looks on the faces of the left out kids. Stop being so sodding selfish.

SoyDora · 09/12/2018 19:06

We’ve figured it out! Got them all.

smore · 09/12/2018 19:08

Do people send cards to their baby's nursery? Saw someone mentioned it up thread and hadn't even thought of doing that ...

smore · 09/12/2018 19:09

@LJdorothy you sound like a lovely teacher. I love that everyone gets a card, the thought of kids being left out is so sad

Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 19:10

LJdorothy does sound lovely.

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IamSusan · 09/12/2018 19:12

in Reception it used to be the entire class, it's good practice for their writing as well.

Unfortunately, with the school having to crack down on data protection, it will be harder and harder to get a full list for the parents, so I am guessing the whole class will disappear. I wouldn't bother forcing my 4 year old to remember 29 names on the day we do cards. It' not supposed to be painful!

When they are older, they chose the cards they send, I am not behind my KS2 kids to check what they do.

IamSusan · 09/12/2018 19:13

but LJdorothy you are not allowed anymore in state school to give the list of the kids to the parents! The names have to be a big-secret now unfortunately!

Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 19:17

It' not supposed to be painful!

Unfortunately it’s been very painful for my child being forgotten.

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Julianaa · 09/12/2018 19:20

We have a class list. When DS and DD were little I wrote the cards and they added their name and a little drawing/scribble. To all of the class, teacher, TA, Music teacher, P.E. teacher and swimming teacher. Then they graduated to writing their friends' names and eventually the whole cards.

The policy at their school is to give any "correspondence" for other students to a member of staff and then a TA will put it into the relevant book bags. They don't give out party invitations unless fewer than 10 children or a whole class.

A friend's DD at another school had a sad year of no invitations, cards, etc. at all. Turns out she and 2 other kids were in this boat and it was all because they'd been sick on class photo day and the photo was the only thing the parents had to go off to send in things to school.

Notonthestairs · 09/12/2018 19:25

Both of my kids (1 with SN) send all class cards. It's all or nothing. I buy small, cheap cards. My DD has quite severe LD and ASD and always gets at least 20 back.

It is a massive PITA and I dread doing them - I try and make it less painful by doing 7/8 cards a day. When they were little they just had to sign their name and I'd do the rest. Now my son writes flipping essays in them!

I know a couple of children who have taunted other children about not giving them a card. Angry it does upset them.

pinkpantsrock · 09/12/2018 19:26

i don't do cards, think they are a total waste and really wished people would stop handing them out, I appreciate that not everyone shares this few. your son is being left out and revenge is best medicine.....

I'm not doing any cards for DS to give out, i'll let him hand out chocolate money and get all the kids high on sugar before hometime

Maybe do the same. Payback to the shitty parent who left him out.... marshmallows are really good for sending kids over the edge, especially when their tired after school.....

you can be smug at home knowing they are dealing with trantims kids!!!! rawahaaas evil laugh

GreenTulips · 09/12/2018 19:30

Tell us your Sons name
C/O reception at X school and we'll send him a card

Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 19:30

Grin well pinkpants you’ve cheered me up on what was otherwise quite an upsetting thread for me

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NailsNeedDoing · 09/12/2018 19:33

At our school children put cards in a postbox and then staff or Y6s put the cards directly into book bags for KS1 children so they won't really see how many cards other people have got at school. It seems quite usual for children to only write a few cards for the people they choose, so it would be senseless to hand them out directly to children.

LJdorothy · 09/12/2018 19:44

Names aren't a problem if they are being given out in class. The cards don't need to say anything except from so-and-so. Enough cards for everyone and everyone's happy. Don't get me started on party invitations...

SoyDora · 09/12/2018 19:47

We didn’t do a whole class party (had too many other people to invite from out of school activities to be able to invite a class of 30) so we deliberately gave the invitations out away from school.

Corneliawildthing · 09/12/2018 19:47

Our class put their cards in a postbox and they are given out at the end of the day so I've no idea who has given to the whole class or not.

I've had some parents asking for a class list which we do give out (first names only) so presumably those children are giving to the whole class.

At that age I think kids like to give out cards so would be disappointed if we had a policy on giving one card to the class. Our parents would just ignore that and do their own thing anyway Grin

IamSusan · 09/12/2018 19:48

get all the kids high on sugar before hometime

I don't know why some people keep pretending that sugar high is a thing. It really isn't, there are countless studies proving it's just a myth.

I sometimes give marshmallows to my kids when they have a really bad throat, sugar as fake medicine is brilliant. It has 0 effect on their level of energy whatsoever.

IamSusan · 09/12/2018 19:51

BertramKibbler
I was just trying to say that it's impossible to get the 29 names of the class if you don't have a class list.

It's even worst when some parents have chosen an original spelling. If you risk offending someone because you didn't know, it's just easier not to give a card.

If I didn't have a list, I would stick to a few cards to the children and parents we know, much safer.

SoyDora · 09/12/2018 19:51

I was thinking the same IamSusan, it’s been completely debunked hasn’t it? It doesn’t send them ‘high’, it’s not a drug.
Certainly has no impact on mine.

BackforGood · 09/12/2018 19:54

Genuinely shocked that there are people who would send but not to whole class. In reception!?! Really sorry, that’s shit.

What a ridiculous thing to say.
There is absolutely no point in sending 29cards out to people that you don't even know who they are, which are, in essence, from the mother of a child who happens to be in the same class as them. I made cards available to my dc when they were that age and let them send to their friends.
ds - who hated sitting and writing at that age never got past about 4. dd1 had a good circle of friends who remained friends for years - so she used to send to them - about7 card. dd2 varied a bit - 4 - 10 I'd have said, over the years. But you know, all f those cards were intentionally sent, by the person they were from and not their parent, to their close friends.

RaiderOfTheKitchenCupboard · 09/12/2018 19:56

My son is in Y1 and wrote his cards out today. Luckily the school issue a class list if you ask for it because he could only think of 3 names out a class of 29, and I could only name about half (they mixed the classes up after Reception).

It’s not nice if someone is being left out deliberately, I hope that’s not the case. Son’s school are focusing on kindness on the run up to the Christmas holidays, maybe more schools should! We are also waiting for an ASD assessment btw, so I can relate.

SoyDora · 09/12/2018 19:57

That may be true for your children BackforGood, but my reception age DD wanted to send cards to the whole class and she has written them all herself, so they’re not from ‘the mother’ at all.

Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 19:57

I guess it’s becoming clear why some parents think it’s ok to make a 4 year old cry because he thinks no one likes him!

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