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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas cards in school

136 replies

BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:00

My child is in reception. They have some social problems, possibly ASD, no diagnosis yet.

Every day last week the other children have been coming out with handfuls of Christmas cards. My child has had just 2.

My child is quite bright, they see what’s going on and it makes them sad. They want friends but are struggling making them.

AIBU to think that if you want your child to send cards to their class then you make sure they include all the children and not leave just a couple out?

OP posts:

anniehm · 09/12/2018 19:58

Ultimately it is up to each child who they send cards to. We did the whole class in reception then just friends after that - they chose who. Not all parents do the whole class, especially if the pack of cards only has 20 in it.

LJdorothy · 09/12/2018 19:58

But these are little children. They don't care about the intention behind the card. They just don't like being left out.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 09/12/2018 19:59

DS is now year two. Bloody hates writing but if we're sending cards at school, it's the whole class or nothing. Tedious and has taken up what feels like a million days so far doing a few here or there, with me patiently being available nearby and reminding him to put the name on the envelope etc, but the hurt it causes when the same few children are left out is exactly why I don't budge on this.

Our school are happy to supply a list of first names though - appreciate it would be harder without this.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 09/12/2018 20:00

Also Poundland do a 'whole class' pack of 30 cards, hurrah. But I'd have unquestioningly bought multiple packs if necessary to make sure he had enough for everyone.

anniehm · 09/12/2018 20:05

By the way dd 1 is autistic and she refused to write cards at all by year 2 unless they were nice to her - no she didn't get many but the four or five she did get were from people she cared about. At my DD's schools only around 50% of the class even celebrated Christmas so the whole class things really does not make sense.

Talith · 09/12/2018 20:06

It's the parents writing them at this point and so it's unlikely to be a snub from his peers. Unlikely to be a snub from parents either, just not knowing all the children's names usually.

Orlande · 09/12/2018 20:11

LJdorothy - you don't keep handing out the cards in front of all the children if you've realised it upsets some, do you? That seems unnecessarily cruel for a Reception teacher!

formerbabe · 09/12/2018 20:19

My child has sent cards out but not to the whole class blush he doesn't know who they are, and if he doesn't how the heck am I supposed to

Seriously? Just don't do them at all.

HexagonalBattenburg · 09/12/2018 20:27

We're onto year number 2 of this shit going on with DD2. They did it in Reception - often making a thing of handing cards out in front of her (oh god her face was heartbreaking) and now they do the end of the day cards handed out on the carpet thing and she's waiting there for one and comes out in tears.

She sent one to everyone in her class - did last year as well.

It's just fucking nasty. DD2 is a really sweet kind funny little girl - but she's been so socially marginalised it's awful to see. School are doing everything they can in terms of trying to gently foster friendships - drawing her into games at playtime and the like - this is just being egged on by the bloody parents and it's vile.

LondonLassInTheNorthPole · 09/12/2018 20:28

This calls for a "Lets all send Xmas cards to him" thread.

Understand that people dont want to give there addresses out.
Have you got a care of address you could use?

Fullofthought · 09/12/2018 20:30

My DD has sent a card to every child in her year ( two form entry) and has not had one card back at all.

formerbabe · 09/12/2018 20:36

Christmas cards for all the class here. One year my ds didn't want to send one to a particular child who he didn't get on with. I insisted he gave the child a card...leaving people out is not an option.

Original poster

BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 20:50

I think I’ll ask the teacher if they can come up with a more discrete method of handing out cards

OP posts:

pumpingRSI · 09/12/2018 21:19

to OP. My child is Yr 1 and likely ASD and the mean things my son has told me that his friends have said, that have clearly come from parents is judgemental and heartbreaking. Reasons why he hasn't been invited to parties, play dates, can't be friends etc. I'm not expecting many cards for him, bless him. Gird your loins, practice your fake school pick up smile, and work on bolstering child's confidence in ways other than through school. Judgey f*ckers. Sorry, as you were...

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 09/12/2018 21:23

We do a thing where we ask for donations of the money that would be spent on cards. We make a class advent wall with cards made by each child and one child opens the card each day. As a class we spend the donation money at oxfam. Last year we bought clean water and chickens.

dirtystinkyrats · 09/12/2018 21:36

My son wants to send 13 cards to kids in his class. He is writing it all himself. I'm going to make him write a few extras for children that have sent him cards. However I wont be doing the whole class thing either for cards or parties. One of the kids in class bites other children and has hit and pushed over DS several times. Why should DS send him a card? Some other children haven't made enough impression on him for him to remember their names! However he is only doing 3 or 4 a day and handing them directly to the children at the start of the day without making a fuss about it.

BackforGood · 09/12/2018 21:44

Sending cards to your 4 or 5 friends, isn't "leaving people out".
This is like some people on the I have to invite the whole class to a birthday party' threads.

It would be 'leaving someone out' if you sent 27 cards or 28 cards when there are 29 other dc in the class.
However if you do what cards are supposed to be about, and send them to your friends then you will be sending 3 or 4 or 5 or 6. Which is fine. Most people won't get them from you. You aren't 'leaving people out' at all.

Original poster

BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 21:56

OP posts:

IamSusan · 09/12/2018 21:57

clearly come from parents is judgemental and heartbreaking. Reasons why he hasn't been invited to parties, play dates, can't be friends etc.

in year 1, in a full-uniform school, there's not much judgement around yet! Either the child is extremely naughty or has special treatment, and the others have noticed and complained to their parents - which they do!-- or it's the parent who has a poor attitude at pick-up.
Coming from another thread, leaving your child at a party unsupervised is another reason you might feel ignored for the next few years.

sauvignonblancplz · 09/12/2018 22:03

Ohhh that’s hardly in the Christmas spirit, either write for all or don’t bother.

It’s a reflection of the child’s parents and nothing to do with your son, the teacher should be managing the pastoral care a bit better.

sauvignonblancplz · 09/12/2018 22:05

@dirtystinkyrats

IamSusan · 09/12/2018 22:09

One of the kids in class bites other children and has hit and pushed over DS several times. Why should DS send him a card?

sounds reasonable, I am getting fed up with the handful of parents who think there should be no consequences when they have little bullies. It's hard enough to teach your own children not to hit back, because they'll get in trouble for sticking up for themselves, no need to make feel their feelings are ignored.

OnlyonplanetMN · 09/12/2018 22:09

My two go to Catholic school so obviously very big into Christmas and the celebrations. Everyone does Christmas cards to everyone else in the class - no questions asked.

I think it’s utterly shit on the part of the parents to be leaving children out, especially in Reception. Small cards even come in boxes of 30, specifically for a whole class.

IamSusan · 09/12/2018 22:13

wait until you meet that parent who complained to the school because their kid receive religious cards - in a non-faith school - because some little ones had chosen the nativity, an angel or a baby Jesus instead of a snowman and a penguin! Sadly true story!

shitholiday2018 · 09/12/2018 22:24

Whole class cards? I’ve literally heard it all. Utter madness.

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