Page 5 | What would you think of your dd age 11 went on a sleepover, and three kids were all in the birthday child’s room and your child slept on the landing alone ?

SilkenTofu · 09/12/2018 10:44

My DC don't do sleepovers. That's not because they are mollycoddled. Compared to others they are not. I just don't understand WHY I would want to do one again. My eldest went on a couple, got no sleep and now declines them. I reciprocated it once and hated every minute of having to cater for someone else's DC in my house. I've rejected 2 sleepovers in the past month and my rule is now that we don't do them or host them.

Just out of interest, why on earth would you want your 11 year old (or younger or older) to sleep in the house of a family that you know very little about? Would you let your DC go on a school overnight trip knowing the teachers were not DBS checked? I doubt it. When my DH was a child he used to go on sleepovers with a friend all the time. The dad was later jailed for sexual abusing his 3 DC.

WendyWoofer · 09/12/2018 11:41

They all had phones? Why did your dd not call you to pick her up when she was thrown out if the bedroom?

11 year olds don't need entertaining. Girls sleepovers consist of a bunch of girls talking, whispering, giggling and slagging other girls off. Followed by pizza, crisps, drinks and a load of sweets and chocs.

Whenever mine have had sleepovers I give them the living room and retreat to my bedroom, leaving them at it. They know where I am if needed.

OP you've gone from DD was banished to the landing where she could hear the others talking and laughing to not knowing very much at all.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/12/2018 13:07

Why would I want my dcs to have sleepovers? Silkentofu

Because, with zero exception in all the stuff we do (lots), they are their favourite thing ever. They're fun, cement friendships, and whilst it sounds twee, I would lay bets that sleepovers are where my dcs have their memories from. Last night dd had one, I could hear them giggling and dancing and gossiping at midnight. It's so wonderfully decadent for them to be up so late. Yes, today will be a duvet day, but they'll talk about the sleepover for months. So worth it.

Regarding the paedophile comment. I guess we're shaped by our experiences, I don't have any bad ones, so don't assume they are everywhere.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/12/2018 13:24

That is bullying by exclusion, the lading ffs, that is awful, at least they could have had 2 sleeping downstairs on the sofa and the floor with cushions. Very bad, no wonder your poor dd is upset, I would not let her go over there again.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/12/2018 13:26

Maybe op dd felt that she coulden't phone her mum, or she did not want to cause a fuss, she is only 11 ffs.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 09/12/2018 14:53

So did your dd volunteer to go on the landing or not? You still haven’t said!

WendyWoofer · 09/12/2018 19:37

Maybe op dd felt that she coulden't phone her mum, or she did not want to cause a fuss, she is only 11 ffs

OP's DD is not "only" 11. She is 11! Secondary school age. The reason most 11 year olds have a phone is to call their parents if they are in an uncomfortable position. To seek parental guidance.

The fact that OP thinks the parent of the dc having a sleepover, with 11 year old friends, should have taken them to the park says it all really.
FFS!

Original poster

LardLizard · 09/12/2018 23:40

Fgs I didn’t say the parent had to go to the park with them
I was nearly trying to get across they could have got out the house rather than staying in all day
I’m sure a group of kids that age could go to the park by themselves !

😂😂about the shed idea, although she’s not coming here again

OP posts:

Original poster

LardLizard · 09/12/2018 23:41

Also the food doesn’t bother me in the slightest, I was just pointing out the lack of getting out, not bothered of they ate junk

OP posts:

seventhgonickname · 10/12/2018 00:08

I think if your dd didn't know the other 2 girls just the girl who didn't want her there then it would be pretty dull.The other ,3 would be talking with your dd not able to join in.
Anyway lesson learnt and sounds as if your dd is dealing with it.
I missed out this age group as the girls friendship groups shift a bit with some maturing faster than others anhormones kicking in.
We restarted at 12 and all you do is provide food and magic matresses and duvets up just before you go to bed.Your child is the hostess for anything else.They all bring sweets/biscuits,spend a lot of their time one their phones in mass group chats and keep you awake until you pass out.
Followed by drinks in the morning and breakfast(I find an oven full of pain Chocolat easiest).

Aeroflotgirl · 10/12/2018 00:53

Wendy yes only 11, just about started secondary school. At that age I was so shy and not as assertive, as I was in my later teens.

OffToBedhampton · 10/12/2018 01:13

@LardLizard. Well it's good you've clarified that.

You have different expectations of a sleepover party than perhaps the majority of rest of us. And that's ok, that's you're right but that bit didn't make partymum was BU.

What time did sleepover start? 10am and then went in for 24-28 hours? Or merely started mid afternoon for a next morning pick up?

I wouldn't expect children at a sleepover to go out to park or somewhere to get out of the house during the day, as usually sleepover is exactly that, a house party, not a base to go out from.

Also, the food you (OP) described as junk food, isn't really that, it's typical party food. I wouldn't expect a sit down with
freshly cooked meat, salad or vegetables meal (non junk food) at a sleepover birthday party and I suspect DCs will live to fight another day even if they did eat junk food (including pizza & sweets) for 24 hours! It's all part of the fun of a sleepover/ party...!

Did you get to bottom of why DD slept out on landing rather than in room or whether she agreed to bed separate in hallway or door was open? That bit is bizarre.

(It's hard to imagine set up- sooooo want a diagram- as my landing isn't that big!!! And my landing would be cold as in direct line of draft from front door/colder downstairs hallway.)
It still doesn't feel right to exclude one DC in party from room and probably wasn't a good mix of sleepover buddies. So I'd be unhappy about that bit.

I do kinda feel OP, that you are picking unreasonably a bit on food and activities part, as you have your different sleepover expectations.

Original poster

LardLizard · 10/12/2018 07:03

Already saidthats they type of food I would expect, have no problem with the food !
Yes the party started at 10am till 1030 next day

Dd said the one good thing was eating the other girls whoshesnever met before

And I don’t expect them to go out
But I think at that age 24 hours on tour phone isa but too much
Happy to be alone on that one though

It’s all done now though

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2018 08:59

As you haven't come back to the query regarding whether the door was open, shall we presume it was, and thus all the responses of outrage imagining a scenario where your dd was shut out of the room are null and void?

BumsexAtTheBingo · 10/12/2018 09:02

Sounds as if your dd volunteered to go on the landing then regretted it. If she didn’t I’m sure another work around could have been found.
Much more fun to speculate she was turned out and excluded though!

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2018 09:06

Which one?

What would you think of your dd age 11 went on a sleepover, and three kids were all in the birthday child’s room and your child slept on the landing alone ?

WendyWoofer · 10/12/2018 10:37

Fgs I didn’t say the parent had to go to the park with them
I was nearly trying to get across they could have got out the house rather than staying in all day
I’m sure a group of kids that age could go to the park by themselves

Yes. 11 year olds are more than capable of taking themselves to the local park. They are also more than capable of texting mum when they are upset.

Let's be fair if your dd had told you the mum said they had to go to the park, by themselves, to get out of the house for some fresh air, you would have been posting, "Livid! My DD was invited to a sleepover and was allowed to go to the park without adult supervision"

You sound the type of parent who is never happy with other parents decisions.

I have already said I wouldn't be happy if my dd had been banished to the landing, with the door shut - as you originally suggested. Your further updates suggest that wasn't really the case. Or was it? You haven't clarified.

loubluee · 10/12/2018 10:46

The sleeping on the landing part is wrong.

However the activities complaint isn’t warranted. They are 11. They can entertain themselves. I don’t know of any 11 year olds that go to the part to ‘play’, only hang around and chat. They are getting older.
Playing on their phones, what’s wrong with that? It’s what kids do. As long as they all had phones so no one was left out.

dancinginthehall · 10/12/2018 10:50

I agree with a previous poster. It sounds as if the mum intended the landing to be an extension of the bedroom, with the door open, and the host sleeping in the open doorway so that she was between her two guests in the bedroom and her guest out on the landing.
Not ideal perhaps, but not as bad as it originally sounded.

I think the problem here was the mum forcing her daughter to invite someone she didn't want, and the daughter sounding like an unkind child who would tell someone to their face the didn't want them and do her best to make them feel excluded.

I'd just be grateful your daughter has now seen this other girl's true colours and the friendship is likely to die a death. I wouldn't bother causing a scene or having a row, just encourage your daughter to distance herself from this other child.

OffToBedhampton · 10/12/2018 10:57

Also the food doesn’t bother me in the slightest, I was just pointing out the lack of getting out, not bothered of they ate junk

And I don’t expect them to go out

We became confused on several fronts, as your updates kept chop & changing. When you wrote the top update, you already knew they had gone out as your earlier update stated they went out to subway (for lunch..)

Also as other PPs asked, you haven't answered key point about beroom.door,, related to unfairness of sleeping arrangements, Doorstep open is indicated by partymum saying birthday girl and DD had their heads together.

Still, OP, you said it's resolved for you now, probably because you've let of steam and PPs have stopped you doing that "And another thing..." exagoration. And your DD said she enjoyed meeting new girls, etc.

I would reconsider your DD doing such a long sleepover (10.30am-10am) again with other children she doesn't know, given how it felt to you and your DD & differences in expectations. You could always arrange to drop off in afternoon with excuse DD has club to go to beforehand.

puddlesplashing · 10/12/2018 11:57

Was the door open or closed ???

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 10/12/2018 12:00

They all had phones? Why did your dd not call you to pick her up when she was thrown out if the bedroom?

She's 11, was upset and probably didn't want to make a fuss.

masterandmargarita · 10/12/2018 12:25

Silkentofu you start off by saying that you aren't mollycoddling your kids by not allowing sleepovers but then end by saying you inherently fear paedophiles at daid sleepovers. Given that they're more likely to come to some sort of harm on the way to play date I would say you are over exaggerating the likelihood of paedophiles present at sleepover and that by definition is mollycoddling.

SilkenTofu · 10/12/2018 12:53

Whatever....

Lovemusic33 · 10/12/2018 13:23

OP seems unable to answer the question of wether the door was closed or not? I’m guessing it was open, if it was shut I’m sure she would be telling us? If the door was open then there really isn’t a issue.