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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To those whose DP's snore, how do you sleep?

238 replies

MattieB19 · 08/12/2018 22:14

How do you work around the issue and sleep? My lovely DP snores terribly and I'm the lightest sleeper. I'd just like to know how others try and solve the issue if you have it?

OP posts:
Dyrne · 10/12/2018 08:08

Genuinely don’t understand what intimacy you’d be missing out on by not sharing a bedroom Hmm DP and I do share a bed as his snoring isn’t bad enough but when we go to bed one of us will either already be asleep, or we’ll just give a perfunctory peck and then turn over to our own sides to sleep. We’ve never done the whole “cuddling to sleep” thing.

Maybe that’s more a comment on the sad state of our relationship though... Grin

Seriously though, the idea that women are exhausting themselves just because of their man’s fragile ego makes me sad Sad

Original poster
MattieB19 · 10/12/2018 08:18

I think I'm the problem here mostly. I'm becoming genuinely depressed and obsessed and don't know what to do or how to help matters. My life feels a bit like a lie because I'm either tired and worried or rested and feeling guilty.

OP posts:
Original poster
MattieB19 · 10/12/2018 08:18

It's ridiculous Confused

OP posts:
speakout · 10/12/2018 08:20

OH and I have separate rooms.
On different floors of the house. Bliss.

Rogueone · 10/12/2018 08:31

MattieB19 my OH snoring is linked with his weight. When I see him eating +++ I get agitated as all I can think of is his snoring getting worse. He falls asleep downstairs sometimes and I leave him... I can get a few hours sleep before he turns up and starts snoring. I spend my nights changing rooms. If you have a spare room use it. Lack of sleep in the long term can seriously affect your well being . My OH I think is selfish and I don’t think does anything to try and help with his snoring... that makes it worse for me

Dyrne · 10/12/2018 08:58

Mattie how about some sort of compromise? Fall asleep in the same room so you get that closeness/ a cuddle; then the first time you wake in the night move into the spare room. In the morning set an alarm for 10 mins before your DP wakes up so you can slip back into bed to have the ‘waking up together’ moment. Would that help?

AlanThePig · 10/12/2018 11:08

thenightsky All hail! The holy grail has still not appeared in my part of the country sadly, but Alan is comforting me. 😁

CigarsofthePharoahs · 10/12/2018 11:59

My DH sometimes snores if lying on his back. He has never objected to me asking him to roll over.
Apparently I snored like a warthog when I was pregnant. He said he didn't mind. I shifted to the sofa bed for the last part of pg#2 as the mattress was softer and he could sleep better too.
My dad snores like a pneumatic drill. I recorded him when we were on holiday once as he was disturbing me from three rooms away! Still won't do anything about it. My mum claims to no longer notice - partly because she's a snorer now too!

Don't feel guilty op. It isn't your fault and you need to sleep. Your oh needs to try all of the options available to lessen the noise, something my dad cba to do.

RoboticSealpup · 10/12/2018 12:17

Not my DH but my sister's. He sleeps in the spare room.

Original poster
MattieB19 · 11/12/2018 07:38

Thanks all. I have taken all your insight on-board, and have been doing the compromise you suggested Dyrne for about a week now. He hasnt made any fuss about it but my days are still spent guilt ridden. I'm convinced I'm ruining our intimacy. I have severe self esteem issues and this is how it's manifesting. He doesn't realise how big an issue this is for me as I'm too worried to tell him and am scared of upsetting, making him feel worse, pushing him away. I know how silly this makes me sound but I've lost all rationale here. How to deal with these emotions so they're quieter is the question.

OP posts:
Drogonssmile · 11/12/2018 07:39

Ear plugs or he goes in the spare room.

GrumpyOldMare · 11/12/2018 07:46

Better since the divorce! (Divorce was NOT due to his snoring)

ThatIsNachoCheese · 11/12/2018 07:50

My husband sleeps in dd's room as she's at uni. She's back tomorrow so that will be fun! Why do most of you move to the sofa or spare room, surely it should be them?!
Also, can anyone recommend good earplugs to get me through Christmas please!

Dimsumlosesum · 21/12/2018 07:46

We now have to most of the time sleep in separate rooms. It's seriously affected our adult time together, and nothing we've tried has worked. When you're woken constantly from the moment he falls asleep, you really start to resent it, especially when it gets to 5am and he's got a fucking boner, is rubbing it in your back because he's had a great night's sleep and is fine waking at that time but the kids have had you up all night PLUS his snoring has kept you in a perpetual shallow sleep state. So, seperate rooms for us.

NotSureWhoIAmToday · 21/12/2018 07:53

My DH used to snore. Then we discovered he has a severe dust-mite allergy. Sorted that (medically recommended pillow/mattress protector and hoovering under the bed, plus he does a daily nasal rinse). Now his nose is no longer inflamed and he no longer snores --unless pissed, but even then it is not as bad.

SeaToSki · 21/12/2018 08:04

Get him tested for sleep apnea. Buy a Smart Nora.

HexagonalBattenburg · 21/12/2018 08:08

I go to bed first - if I'm asleep before he comes up I'm normally sorted and fine (unless I need a middle of the night pee). Bluetooth sleep earphones and podcasts on my phone if I'm struggling to get to sleep.

The snoring's tolerable - but he has restless legs as well which is hell for me - and no spare room available.

Roussette · 21/12/2018 08:34

Mattie I'm going to give you a good talking to here, brace yourself!

I am officially the World's Lightest Sleeper. Fact. I CAN hear a pin drop. I wish I wasn't like this but there is no getting away from it, I can't help it. Much the same as my DH can't help snoring. But bottom line is... compared to some, his snoring is not that bad, but he does snore.

I spent years struggling through. My problem is... if I am woken, I don't just fall back to sleep. It takes me anything from 20 minutes to 2 hours! I was like you, sleep deprived, worried, going to bed was an ordeal blah blah.

For the last god knows how many years, my DH has slept in the spare room. It has revitalised our marriage! He isn't worried about snoring. I'm not on edge through restless nights and lack of sleep. I honestly think you will both find it a relief if you go down this route. Your problems will be sorted overnight.

I cannot tell you how much better I feel for getting sleep. Now... if I wake (which I do - I'm a poor sleeper) it's not down to anyone else, it's just me. I have a white noise machine, my sleep is still not good, but I'm not being woken 10 times a night by my DH. He is quite happy in his own bed, he hasn't got me hissing at him all night 'stop it stop it'. Everyone is happy.

Now... all the DCs are home for Christmas and we're going to have to share a bed for about a week Shock but I can cope if I know that it won't be long until I will get a good night's sleep. Holidays, ditto, but we usually drink lots of wine and that sorts it enough!

Stop fretting about it all. Your DH can't help snoring. You can't help being a light sleeper. Take action, sleep in different beds, you will wish you'd done it years ago. I did.

Riotingbananas · 21/12/2018 08:40

Ear plugs and I sleep at the other end of the bed. I also carefully position his head so his airway is clear, that will usually stop it.

thenightsky · 21/12/2018 12:17

I've made an amazing discovery this week. We are currently away on holiday and pillows are in short supply, so only one wafer thin one each. Not only am I waking up with no stiff neck, but DH has not snored once! Double result!

We are going to carry on with one pillow only when we get home. I feel hopeful.

tillytrotter1 · 21/12/2018 12:28

In another room. Holidays can be a problem though!

Original poster
MattieB19 · 21/12/2018 13:38

Roussette - thank you for your comment. I found it reassuring- I don't know how to accept that this might be necessary, I'm devastated and guilty everyday (it's this guilt which sometimes keeps me awake when I sleep alone!). Is it time that's needed?

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Sahara123 · 21/12/2018 13:42

After years of moving to daughters bed, spare bed, sofa, anywhere, Specsavers custom made earplugs ! Expensive but have lasted for years & completely saved me.

madmother1 · 21/12/2018 13:49

Ear plugs, but recently DP has lost weight and he doesn't snore much. If he does, I turn him on his side, then sleep tight up to him, so he can't turn. The trouble with ear plugs, is I feel I've got a wax build up in my ears, so I've weaned myself off of them. It's rotten though.....having interrupted sleep.

Original poster
MattieB19 · 21/12/2018 14:08

Sahara123 - I was considering that. I already use standard earplugs (have tried foam, silicone and wax) but they're pretty useless. Are custom made really much better?

OP posts: