To think a baby shouldn't be at a funeral

[baronesswigwam]

A good family friend died and his funeral is next week. Apparently it will be pretty unconventional, very little in the way of eulogy etc, mainly music and back to a pub as soon as possible. His wife and his two children will obviously attending. Two teenage grandchildren also but my aibu is one child is wanting to take his 1 year old grandson. I feel this is totally inappropriate for a funeral. I get that you may say it is non of my business but when she told me I think she was hoping I'd agree and say it would be fine. I really don't think it is. There will be other friends happy to keep this boy at the back she says. I still think it is disrespectful and pasting for the boy. Are they not thinking straight? Shall I say something ? We are all very close.

Pasting =upsetting

It is none of your business.
Hope that helps.

Cant see a problem myself If I am honest.

Why do you find it so objectionable?

She is a closer relative to the dead than you so she trumps you IMO.

She may not have anyone else to have the baby. He is too young to know whats going on anyway. I'd let it go.

Why would a 1 year old find a funeral upsetting? He won't know what's going on. How is it disrespectful?

I don't get it, what's the problem with a baby at a funeral? How is it disrespectful? If he starts crying they can take him outside.

Why do you feel this is inappropriate. I took our DS (5minths) to my DH nana funeral and he came to my mums funeral. I had someone on hand to take him if needed, just wondering why you are so against it

I don't think a 1yr old would know what's going on anyway so unlikely they be upset by it. Also, they may not have childcare available?!

It really isn't your business.

One of the man's children is planning to take one of the dead man's grandchildren to its grandfather's funeral? Is that right? If so, I think it's perfectly acceptable - but more importantly if you don't you should keep it to yourself as it is absolutely 100% not your decision. It is wrong and insensitive tell people how to grieve the loss of a very close loved one.

I'm sorry for your loss too.

It's fine.

Not a problem, we have been to loads with children.

I'd think it more disrespectful if they didn't go and pay their respects. There's nothing wrong with the boy going and children remind you that life goes on.

I was going to say that I took my DS to a funeral when he was about 3 months (he was ebf so no option anyway) but i see this baby is older. Lots of people said how lovely it was to see a baby. My other DS went to a funeral at 2.5, I had to take him out part way through as he was getting fidgety but no seemed to mind him being there.

in what way is it disrespectful? and a 1yr old will bit be upset by it, they wouldn't even know what was going on

My son when a baby went to several family funerals. It's completely normal in my family for children to go.

I took my DD to a few funerals before she turned 2. It was absolutely appropriate. She did start crying during one (teething) so we went outside, though the daughter of the deceased later said I should have stayed in, and how nice it was having a baby there to remind her that life continues. Certainly DD wasn't upset at either one, at that age they have no clue what's going on.

Assuming the closest relatives are ok with it, I think children ought to go to funerals. We all die, perhaps if we aren't so shielded from this, conversations about end of life, etc, may be had more openly in this country.

I'm struggling to understand why it would be a problem.

Completely disagree.

Sometimes having children at a funeral makes it easier for everyone.

The exception to this is when the bereaved immediate family don't want that to happen (eg widow or children of deceased). I had to find childcare once because of that and absolutely respect that.

YABVVVU. It's entirely appropriate, and you're being very condescending to suggest the family aren't thinking straight. Butt out.

I've never seen a baby at a funeral, and think it's inappropriate and totally impractical. It will be a diversion, but not in a way that fits the occasion.

It's good to celebrate the life of the person you have lost, but that's generally done through song, listening to words spoken and quiet contemplation. None of that is compatible with a baby, who will quite likely make a fair bit of noise, draw people's attention and detract from the reason people are there.

Am I reading the OP right, is it one of the man's children planning to take his grandchild to the funeral? If so, it's 100% none of your business.

A cousin of mine took his then less than one year old daughter to my mum's funeral a couple of years ago, and as far as I know she wasn't upset by it. I seem to remember her giggling during the service, which I found quite sweet.

If the child of the person who died wants to bring their own one year old baby, surely it is up to them to decide? Possibly the widow might have a veto if she really doesn't want the baby there, but it's no business of anyone els e.

Why do you think it's inappropriate? Some might say that it absolutely is appropriate for a grandparent to be sent off by a loved grandchild.

Well you'd have a huge problem with me then op. I took my five month old baby to our friends memorial service. He had drowned accidentally at the age of 24. She sat on my knee calmly and cooed and sighed. Had she been even slightly agitated I wouldn't have gone in or would have taken her out. She had to come with us as I couldn't let dh go alone and she was breast fed. Afterwards his sister told me she could hear the cooing, I started to apologise and she said 'no, I loved it'

Funerals are part of life. Children are part of life. Babies and children who can be reasonably quiet are fine at funerals. Noisy babies and children have no place there, but neither do noisy adults or indeed overly judgemental adults.

It’s none of your business.

And this is a great-grandchild, not some random infant with no connection to the family. I don’t agree that it’s inappropriate for great-grandchildren of the deceased to attend funerals, even very young grandchildren.