To think a baby shouldn't be at a funeral

[baronesswigwam]

A good family friend died and his funeral is next week. Apparently it will be pretty unconventional, very little in the way of eulogy etc, mainly music and back to a pub as soon as possible. His wife and his two children will obviously attending. Two teenage grandchildren also but my aibu is one child is wanting to take his 1 year old grandson. I feel this is totally inappropriate for a funeral. I get that you may say it is non of my business but when she told me I think she was hoping I'd agree and say it would be fine. I really don't think it is. There will be other friends happy to keep this boy at the back she says. I still think it is disrespectful and pasting for the boy. Are they not thinking straight? Shall I say something ? We are all very close.

That’s horrendous mamadane xx how sad

My niece brought both her children to my dd's funeral. My dd was her son's godmother.
All my mum's great-grandchildren went to her funeral.

As pp said, it's part of life - we're born and we die. Having the new generation present shows that the family and life continues.

If you know the child well, you could offer beforehand to take him outside if he does become noisy, so his parents (who are closer to the deceased than you) do not have to miss the service.

I've taken my dc to funerals before. At my dad's funeral all his grandchildren (aged between 7 years and 9 months) were there and quite a few other children too. 5 grandchildren and about 10 others, from the family mostly but there were a few friends children too. It was fine. My nearly 5 year old was dancing in the aisle to the music and lots of people said how lovely it was.

None of your business and you are wrong. That’s his grandson, why should his grandson and assume his child therefore be excluded from the funeral.
My DS attended a funeral when he was two and again at five, both were for a very close family member. Why shouldn’t he have come to say goodbye to someone he loved and loved him?

There's nothing wrong or inappropriate about a baby at a funeral. If the baby cries then the parents can take it out.

I took my 5 month old to the funeral as well as the mortuary where my best friend lay. I had no one available to look after him and he was too young to grasp what was going on anyway. Death is a fact of life.

My DS had been to four funerals by the time he was 2 years old. I cant see the problem with it TBH.

Speaking as someone who has attended far too many funerals than I should ever to have had to and not someone who has ever taken a baby to one, I cannot think of a more positive affirmation of life.

YABU

Yes absolutely it's fine, especially tiny babies who don't know what's going on. My then 2 year old came to my dads funeral and my then 3 year old and 5 month old came to my
Mums funeral. I wouldn't have taken them even if others didn't agree! My best friend was there to distract my children if I was very upset

The bit you got right is when you said there'd be responses that it's none of your business. This is another of them. WTF does it have to do with you?

Sorry but I think you're being bizarrely rigid here OP. The last funeral I attended was for my DH's grandmother and the church was packed with family members of all generations with various readings and speeches made by family members. It was a true celebration of her life and it felt completely right that the youngest members of the family were present, not because they necessarily understood what was happening but for all us adult family members to appreciate what a large lovely family we are and the potluck gathering afterwards in the church hall was a wonderful event.

It's no different from having a baby at a wedding IMO, and the parents will surely know to take the child outside if needed.

YABU, sometimes there's no other choice. I have to take my baby to DD's dad's funeral because I was breastfeeding (had to feed him during the service as well, which kept him quiet, he was very good)

Maybe in your grief you are not thinking quite straight, OP, sorry for your loss but if you're not family to the deceased this isn't your call to make. You appear to be fairly disapproving about the lack of convention surrounding this funeral as a whole and you're entitled to your opinion but, these days, much less formal and traditional services are common. I went to one where half the attendees were cosplayer friends of the deceased and they were asked by the family to come to the funeral in costume because it was such a significant part of the deceased's life. The music wasn't entirely what you'd call conventional either.

As far as children attending is concerned that's a decision for the parents and for the people most closely bereaved to decide. Presumably, in this case, the widow of the deceased is also the grandparent of the baby in question? Maybe it will be comforting to her to have him there, something life-affirming to focus on in the midst of her loss and grief. And, if she has no objection to his presence, your feelings about whether it's appropriate to have babies or small children at funerals are irrelevant.

Hello people The OP accepted she was bu about 2 pages back.
Think we can leave her be now eh?

My SIL brought her tiny baby to MIL funeral, it was entirely appropriate, it would have been odd for him not to attend with his parents.

I can't see the problem, it really is none of your business, and is definitely not disrespectful.

I find this approach to a funeral very strange OP.

How on earth is it disrespectful to take a child to a funeral? And disrespectful to whom? The dead person, the family, the person conducting the funeral? To God, if the dead person is religious?

There was a fairly long thread on here last week when someone posted about a dress they were planning to wear and some poster were shocked at, what they saw, as the inappropriateness of what was basically a fairly standard longish sleeved, below-the-knee black dress.

Death is part of life. Children are a part of life. When did we all become so formal and Victorian in our attitude to death and the surrounding rituals.

Absolutely nothing wrong with taking children to funerals. I hope my funeral, when the time comes, isn't going to be so formal and stuffy that children won't be allowed. Children will be welcome and I shall be requesting that no one wears black.

Ah. Just seen OP has changed her mind. Must type faster.

There was a child at my Dad's funeral ( not even a relative) the Mother was stood at the entrance to the Crem and as my Dadscoffin came out of the hearse and everyone was silent the child started crying. It was horrible and the child should not have been there. I was so annoyed with the Mother x

My one year old came to the front to do the eulogy with me! And made absolutely no noise for the entire service. Everyone was so happy to see a baby and the deceased person would have loved it.

YABVU Where else is she supposed to go??

Why is it innaproriate? If anything babies make people smile a bit on a sad day. They are too young to understand. What's the issue?

I'm catholic , and children attending funerals is completely normal!!!

If anything, attending funerals from such an early age has really helped me have a healthy approach to death! I find the process from death-funeral comforting, as, in these horrible times, having a known routine to follow is really helpful!!

On the other hand, my husband is not catholic, and also was never taken to a funeral ever in his life... he is extremely uncomfortable with death. And has actually began to panic when he thinks about how he will be forced to deal with death for the first time when it becomes someone very close to him (eg grandparent/parent/close friend).

Of course, we would all be absolutely devastated when someone we love dies.. I just can't help but feel at least knowing the process well helps you navigate blindly through the blurry first few days!

YABU everyone should be welcome at a wedding

My son is 15 months old and been to 4 funerals (its been a bad year). No choice, if i wanted to be there he had to be. No one said anything and he was perfect throughout.