To think a baby shouldn't be at a funeral

[baronesswigwam]

A good family friend died and his funeral is next week. Apparently it will be pretty unconventional, very little in the way of eulogy etc, mainly music and back to a pub as soon as possible. His wife and his two children will obviously attending. Two teenage grandchildren also but my aibu is one child is wanting to take his 1 year old grandson. I feel this is totally inappropriate for a funeral. I get that you may say it is non of my business but when she told me I think she was hoping I'd agree and say it would be fine. I really don't think it is. There will be other friends happy to keep this boy at the back she says. I still think it is disrespectful and pasting for the boy. Are they not thinking straight? Shall I say something ? We are all very close.

I still think it is disrespectful

Erm, how, exactly?

Secondly it's not inappropriate at all funerals are a part of life as are children and babies so why should this even be an issue.

Because if depends on what the family want. Not everyone would be comfortable with children attending, although obviously not the case here.

I took my five month old to my Gran's funeral. He was breastfed and the funeral was a long way from my home. If I couldn't have take him then I couldn't have gone. I know he was a big comfort to my mum (her daughter) and my sister at least, and to a couple of my aunts (big family). Children belong at funerals, weddings and milestone events as they're part of life and our community. That said, I probably wouldn't take mine to a funeral of someone who wasn't a close family member.

I think it is fine.

I don't think it will be upsetting for a baby!

Urgh, kicking myself now for getting sucked in and replying to what has got to be a wind up

I took my baby to my Grandad’s funeral .she behaved beautifully, but even if she hadn’t, he would have wanted her there. She was his firstgreat-grandchild and he adored her. I don’t get the fuss about babies at funerals to be honest.

YABU

My son went to 2 funerals of close family members when he was a year old. We had no one else to look after him. I’m also not sure why it’s your business?

Very gracious follow up, OP

Circle of life. Babies can bring a bit of joy to a sad day.

Ds was 4 months and DN 15 months when my Nan died. They both came to the funeral. We had friends on standby to take them out if needed but it wasnt. It meant us and the close family friends could all attend the funeral

They also provided some light relief at the wake

Whether it is unreasonable or not can only be decided by close family, and not by any observer.

Previous MumsNet threads have determined there are two types of people - those who think babies and children should/can attend a funeral, and those who think they shouldn't. It's just two very different opinions.

I took my DS, EBF and 5 months at the time to my aunts funeral. It wasn't a problem at all, my cousins were grateful that I came to the funeral and also enjoyed the distraction of cooing over a baby.

I took my 5 week old to my grandmothers funeral. He was EBF so had to be with me, and no way was I missing it. DW was ready to take him out if he cried.

Why on earth would you think it’s inappropriate? It’s a family gathering to say goodbye to a loved one. That child is part of the family.

I took my 5 year old, 4 year old and 1 year old to my grandfather's funeral and it brightened everyone up. They understood want was happening to a certain extent. Appropriately explained for their ages. It was fine and the guests were happy to see them as we live far away. Actually we were late hoping to just stand at the back as we got lost and then the car park was full.... No space at the back had to go all the way to the front . Vicar smiled. Guests smiled and it brightened everyone up a bit. Relax please

I’ve only been to one funeral where a baby was in attendance and the vicar commented as part of his service how warming it was to see the lady’s legacy living on in her grandchildren. It was really touching.

Obviously if they become grizzly and distracting whoever’s looking after them would need to take them out but generally children are a welcome reminder of life and happiness.

I would be more concerned about an older child (7-12 maybe) whose understanding of death may trigger some distress for them but that’s generally an age these things can be talked through and I would be inclined to let them make their own decision about their attendance.

I didn't take my 18 month old to my mum's funeral and we didn't have any other small children there. I wouldn't want noise and disruption and possibly laughing, chattering toddlers at what was an incredibly devastating event.

I had to take my baby to my nans funeral a couple of years back. My baby would have been about 7mths old. She was a gem and stayed for a little while at the wake until my husband took her home. I know that it would NOT have bothered my Nan that my baby was there in any way at all.

I and I took my 17mth old son to my dads funeral. My ILs helped look after him.

My cousin was 8-9 months when my aunt (her mother) committed suicide, and she was there at the funeral. She cried obviously because she was a baby. No one thought it was weird she was there.

I don't see why it's a problem the grandchild attends. Deaths and funerals are a part of life.

YABU.

My children (1 and 2) attended their great-grandad's funeral. No-one had an issue and they weren't upset by it. I don't have a problem with children at funerals, I think it's up to the parents to decide whether the child can handle it. As long as they are quiet why should it bother anyone else?

Yabu.

My Nan's funeral was held when ds was around a month, my in-laws had him outside (summer) during the actual ceremony (is that the right word?) then he came to me for a dove release outside. Ds never got to meet my nan so it felt important that he was there though personally I didn't want him to be with me when I was so upset during the service.

Children can be wonderful therapy.

I've taken my kids to funerals when necessary, ranging from a 4 month old up to a 7 yr old.

Glad you’ve seen sense OP, hope all goes well.

We took DS to a funeral when he was a baby, everyone said how lovely it was to see new life alongside loss.