To think a baby shouldn't be at a funeral

[baronesswigwam]

A good family friend died and his funeral is next week. Apparently it will be pretty unconventional, very little in the way of eulogy etc, mainly music and back to a pub as soon as possible. His wife and his two children will obviously attending. Two teenage grandchildren also but my aibu is one child is wanting to take his 1 year old grandson. I feel this is totally inappropriate for a funeral. I get that you may say it is non of my business but when she told me I think she was hoping I'd agree and say it would be fine. I really don't think it is. There will be other friends happy to keep this boy at the back she says. I still think it is disrespectful and pasting for the boy. Are they not thinking straight? Shall I say something ? We are all very close.

I took my baby to a funeral. He was welcome, wanted and was a welcome distraction afterwards.

YABU

I don't agree at all. When my grandmother died, I took my then 2 children aged 22 months and 4 months to the funeral. Of course I did. There we no one to leave them with, but even if there had been,no wouldn't have. They didn't cry or make a fuss but if they had, my husband would have taken them out. As it was, a lot of family members got a lot of comfort from seeing the new generation. Funerals are one of a few times whole families gather, and it is only right to have all family members there.

Why would you assume they are not thinking straight? We took our ds when he was 3yo to FIL's funeral, and there were no problems. He wasn't upset - don't think he really understood it at the time. I don't think he even remembers it. I was pregnant at the time also, but if we had a young baby, we would have taken them as well. If they get fussy, you take them out.

I don't think you should say anything either. Clueless why you think it is disrespectful.

It takes very little common sense to realise that if the funeral is for a close family member, then most if not all of the close family members that might watch the baby or toddler would also be at the funeral.

Don't see the problem with this and it wouldn't bother any of the family
How is it inappropriate and disrespectful?

Lots of people find relief at having children at funerals and wakes. They can be a welcome distraction from the grief of the day.

Interesting. I was typing when the OP had no responses. So just me then !

@nicenewdusters the only time that's a problem is when the parent won't take a child out who is making a disturbance - I've always taken them out.

Sorry for typos. It should have said 'there was no one to leave them with but even if there had been, I wouldn't have.'

Took my 2 year old to a family funeral.
She was too young to understand what was going on and she brought a lot of comfort to many people.
Yabu.

This is my personal opinion of funerals and I'm sorry if it upsets anyone.

To me funerals are about everyone coming together to remember the person who has died and to share those memories, a celebration of the life they lived and a thanksgiving for the parts of it we shared with them. That's how it is in my family. We cry, we tell stories, we laugh. It's life. And children are part of life, they're a reminder of the continuity of life, they'll be the ones to carry the memories on when the current generation is all gone, and they should be welcome at funerals.

Oh my god. A one year is far too young to understand what death is. He’s not going to get upset.

1 year old won't have a clue

There was a thing about pregnant women not going to funerals can't remember why but never heard that babies can't

Thank you everyone. I feel better about it now. I will 100% keep my mouth shut. I'll even offer to help out with him to give the parents a breather.

I don't think it's any of your business, it seems the family are doing what feels right for them. I took my 6 month old and 5 year old to their great grandad's funeral because it felt the right thing to do and dh and fil wanted them there. People there actually commented as to how nice it was to see children at a funeral. As a previous poster has said, death is part of life and I have always been very open with my children around death. My 5 year old was very prepared for the event and understood it was a chance to say goodbye. The baby didn't have a clue what was going on but enjoyed all the attention she got at the wake.

It's not a problem. 1 yr old won't remember, funerals don't have to be silent dirges.

Even if older, isn't it a good lesson that funerals are part of life, after someone has died we all get together and remember the person, sometimes this makes us sad but being sad isn't something to be scared of?

It's none of your business, why would you stick your nose in!?
If the baby cried or makes noise then baby should be taken out but other than that there's no problem!

Well done for listening to posters OP- I hope nobody feels the need to keep on about it now! Great idea offering to help

If it's what the family want then I can't see a problem. However, I really wouldn't have wanted small children at DM's funeral last year in case they cried or interrupted the service. I also wouldn't have wanted them at the wake afterwards as I wanted to be able to talk to adult family and friends and didn't want a 'distraction'.

Bishop I think that's what has influenced my view. I know it's a different occasion but I've been to several weddings where vows, speeches etc have been ruined by babies and children crying etc. The parents haven't taken them out, and I know the people involved were really upset and angry.

I can see that having children at a funeral can be a positive thing, and I've been to several where there were older children. It's just the idea of a one year old possibly crying etc during the service part that makes me feel uncomfortable for those involved.

So it's her dad's funeral? She can do whatever feels right for her. Losing a parent is horrendous and you should just support her through this really tough time. Having her child there may being her comfort or hep to distract, whatever her motives it's her decision.

Well done OP - it is so nice to see someone listen and reconsider. FWIW my 5 and 3 year olds came to my Dad's funeral and I've never felt it was the wrong thing to do. Death is part of life.

Circle of life. It's important to fully understand death, and a funeral is part of that.

I took our DCs to my Mum's burial and afterwards to a thanksgiving at the church. They were 3 and 5.i was slightly nervous, and got a few evil looks from the older folks. Maybe it's a generational thing?

DCs were both fine, they threw flowers in her casket, it was a natural burial but still semi formal. I think they both had a chance to say goodbye properly and would do it again.

Firstly it's none of your business and they are closely related to the deceased and have every right to be there.

Secondly it's not inappropriate at all funerals are a part of life as are children and babies so why should this even be an issue.

Thirdly what a strange opinion to have...

Good on you to take viewpoints on board, OP. As for upsetting the toddler, most funerals are very quiet and subdued, so unlikely that anything will happen to frighten him- and he won't actually understand what's going on.