To think a baby shouldn't be at a funeral

[baronesswigwam]

A good family friend died and his funeral is next week. Apparently it will be pretty unconventional, very little in the way of eulogy etc, mainly music and back to a pub as soon as possible. His wife and his two children will obviously attending. Two teenage grandchildren also but my aibu is one child is wanting to take his 1 year old grandson. I feel this is totally inappropriate for a funeral. I get that you may say it is non of my business but when she told me I think she was hoping I'd agree and say it would be fine. I really don't think it is. There will be other friends happy to keep this boy at the back she says. I still think it is disrespectful and pasting for the boy. Are they not thinking straight? Shall I say something ? We are all very close.

Oops meant funeral

I took my 1yo to a funeral once. It was a very long and unconventional one and I took her out before the end. Afterwards, loads of people came up to me and told me how pleased the dead person would have been that my DD was chuckling and clapping.

I don't see the problem.

I've taken my children to every family funeral we've had. It's an incredible comfort to family seeing the newest generation, when saying goodbye to the eldest. I've never even thought about not taking them as we're surrounded by family who they love, and who love them. My sibling took my youngest out of the church with one (he wanted to) but other than that they've behaved as well as you could possibly hope for.

...and yes...it's absolutely none of your business whether they want to take the deceased grandchild or not. It's their family, not yours.

The only funeral/memorial I didn't take my children to was the memorial of a very close friend who died very young. I didn't think I could cope, so asked family to look after them.

OP has already said she's reconsidered and listened to the advice. Why are you still all putting your two penn'orth in?
I'd delete the thread OP. Sorry for your loss.

I dont understand why so many people have a problem with children attending funerals.
Unfortunately death is part of our lives and we shouldn't hide it from children.
My children came to my mother's funeral and their great grandmothers funeral.

At my mum's funeral there were loads of babies and toddlers because she had always taken my daughter to a particular baby/toddler group and made lots of friends there. So all the mums and children came to the funeral to pay their respects. Then we all had a picnic in a nearby park and the children played at the playground. My mum would have loved it. It is what she would have wanted. Why shouldn't babies come to funerals? Babies are as much part of life as is death.

We have always taken dd to funerals and as far as I know everyone was happy with this.
Funerals are family occasions so we don't go in for silent contemplation but sharing memories and happy stories and reconnecting with people we haven't seen for ages.
My fondest memory is if sharing a call at my grandmother's funeral when I was 18 with some older ladies I had never met before.They regailed me with stories of my Gran as a young woman,they had been her good friends.I learnt some wonderful things about her early life.

I'm so glad so many posters are being positive about children at funerals. I took ds1 to my uncle's funeral when he was 2.5. I wouldn't have been able to attend otherwise. He slept throughout.

I don't think I could have got through my mother's funeral without ds2, then 6. He let me cuddle him and took my mind off my grief by doing the floss during the music. He also got to say goodbye to her and learned important lessons about death.

YABU

I took my 1 year old daughter to my fathers funeral. My whole family were there so there was nobody to stay at home and babysit. I'm glad she was with me, I needed my girl on one of the toughest days of my life.

I once kept my then toddler home from a funeral, people were disappointed, they would have been happy to see him. Obviously it's up to the close family and if they want the baby there then it's a great idea. Of course the baby won't be upset! He won't have a clue!

Have been to funerals and usually there's a baby there somewhere...not at all sure what your problem is. You say that it will be unconventional and 'mostly music' why on earth would that be upsetting for the child?
You seem to think because they aren't thinking in the way you do that they're 'not thinking straight'. They're just not thinking like you.

Not your business. Where i’m from Death is part of everyday life and children are often included, it’s really up to the family and parents of kids to decide if that’s ok.

Goodness, most funeral services are only half an hour or so, and this sounds as though it will be shorter, so I don't see the problem?

It’s none of your business. In our circles, funerals are a community event and everyone is welcome, including children and babies.

I think yanbu, i had a friend of my father bring their babies to my father's funeral, they cried and screamed while my uncle was trying to speak, I had to signal the organisers to get them to remove to outside. It is only acceptable if the parent/ adult is able to remove outside immediately. This is what I think the op means by inappropriate.

As long as they are entertained, it's fine. A little noise is fine too. Funerals can be very intense, a little distraction can help people to cope. Also gives people an excuse to a) pop out for 5 minutes with child and b) be a little silly which can be really helpful to people struggling with the day.
My dad was pleased my kids came to his mum's funeral. It really helped him and they got to meet lots of family they hadn't Percy.

As others have said, it's down to the family and I hope no one would be upset if they were asked not to bring children. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to 'be a little silly' at my DM of DF's funerals, I would have found that very disrespectful.

Persephone that's awful. I can't believe anyone would be so inconsiderate to allow a child to scream during a funeral.

My 14 month old came to my b-in-l funeral, I got a friend to push them round the cemetery. It was a godsend at the wake, kept everyone distracted

Yes, I took baby DS3 to my father's funeral - he was exactly the coping mechanism I needed. I'm so glad I had him attached to me that day - he was a reminder that life goes on.

Sounds absolutely fine. We took our then 2 year old to her great grandfathers funeral. We wouldn’t have been able to attend otherwise as we had to travel for it and have no help with childcare, but actually it was lovely. Everyone was so happy to see her and she really seemed to cheer people up on an otherwise heavy day.

I took my 13 month old to my Nan’s funeral, she sang/gurgled all through the music and my Mum said how lovely it was, and her Mum would have loved that she did.

I’d take a 1yo. They have no idea what’s going on either.

Recently had to take my DD3 to a close family funeral. I had no alternative. I read the eulogy. Bribed her with her first ever lollipop and had a relative on standby if necessary. Family were happy she was there as she's/was important to the deceased. Said she'd provide some light relief if behaved inappropriately. As long as you have distraction planned, I can't see a problem.

I think YABU. Besides, funerals are one of the few places it is OK to cry noisily.