Someone bought an elf for DD

[Yabbers]

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

Should people who don't celebrate Christmas at all not have children because clearly they just can't be arsed?

@RosieRoo4 exactly.

I do loads of stuff that's not to my exact taste because my dc like it.

I have never met a single person in real life who has such strong feelings against the elf on the shelf. 😂 They're obviously all hanging out on mumsnet.

I need an expression for this. What's the opposite of virtue signalling?

I have never met a single person in real life who has such strong feelings against the elf on the shelf

Did you ask any? Because my work colleagues definitely heard my opinion on it yesterday whereas never before has it come up in conversation. Some of my friends do it for their children so I’m not likely to tell them I think it’s horseshit

FWIW I do see the lovely sentiment behind it and it isn’t a safeguarding issue, no problems there.

Did you ask any?

Well it's certainly been talked about at the school gate. Some do the elf, some don't. There are a fair few mums there that don't hold back on their opinions about teachers, parenting methods and what the 'right' amount to spend on your child for Xmas etc but the strongest thing I've heard said on the elf thing is that they don't do it. I've honestly never met a real life elf on the shelf hater. 😂

So are you going to bother moving it about or just let your daughter have it as a toy?
He ate chocolate and watched TV last night. My sister is coming down tonight so she can do something with it!

Really? So if she wants to go a rugby match, you wouldn't take her? Or football? Or something that isn't of interest to you? I don't know any families that will only do stuff with their kids, if the adults want and like it.

Really? I don’t know of any who spend their whole time traipsing after their children and pandering to their every whim, but each to their own.

I don’t know of any who spend their whole time traipsing after their children and pandering to their every whim

It's not pandering to their every whim. It's just doing something your child likes.

But personally yes, we do go that extra mile for our children. It doesn't take up too much time but we expect to spend some time on things that are important to them.

this person was clearly trying to be nice to DD and create a bit of magic for her.

We have our own traditions in our house that make xmas 'magic'. I do not need nor want someone else imposing new traditions on me.

I am sure the teacher meant well but asking after she had already got it was overstepping. Put ops dh.on the spot. What about the other kids in the class that dont have them? Is she buying them all one or just one child?

Really? I don’t know of any who spend their whole time traipsing after their children and pandering to their every whim, but each to their own.

Lol. You don't know anyone who would take their kids to something for the kids. That they may not choose to do, but their wants to?

What would you do if you child decided they wanted to play football. It's no because you don't like it?

Lol. You don't know anyone who would take their kids to something for the kids.

It's that mumsnet parallel universe thing again. Most parents I know are often off to swimming, football club, dance class, beavers etc. I can't stand football but have spent many hours freezing cold watching from the side. It's just what parents do.

I agree yanb. I loathe those elf things, hate them with a passion and wish the trend hadn’t caught on here. It’s not just the fact that they’re creepy, it’s also the pressure. You have to do something cool or wild or move it to various locations. So it stops being a 2 min thing and becomes a proper month long project.
We have had a letter from school asking the children to bring their elves into school dressed in something that you can shoehorn “elf” into (think a national elf service, a s “elf” ie elf etc) and really has angered me. My son doesn’t have one so he’s probably the only child in his class not to do it!
The teacher has overstepped her boundaries here - there are professional barriers that need to be upheld!

Why be annoyed? Can’t school staff just be ‘nice’ anymore without having some agenda or offending anyone FFS!

I can't imagine wanting to get a teacher in trouble for a small kindness...although others may complain about clear favouritism.

Just move it from one room to another each night, no need to go 'full elf' and put on scuba diving gear...

Perfectly1mperfect totally agree. I don't believe many parents out there, refuse to do something their kids enjoy, because it's not their thing.

Surely that's not how families work.

Problem solved! 🤣

Well as DH was the one who said it was OK, DH can be the one to deal with it. Not your problem.

be grateful ...they were being nice!

Do the elf thing this year (have some fun with it) and then on Christmas Eve chuck it in the outside bin. On Christmas Morning tell her it must have gone back to the North Pole with Santa.

I agree, be grateful for a teacher being nice

Safeguarding - are you serious?!?!? I cannot believe what I have just read.

And you all wonder why the teaching profession is becoming like it is......

Ok, so, a couple of things:

1. it IS short sighted of the staff member to do this, it's not her place which is clearly why the school called, to ASK you if it was ok.. at which point you should have said no, so, well meaning as the teacher was, it was down to you to say "thanks but no thanks".
   
   So this one is on you. Own it.

2. If you've brought it home and can't be bothered with moving it around either give it to her to play with or sit it somewhere prominent and tell DD that he is keeping an eye on her for Father Christmas to ensure she's a good girl (mine sits on the mantle).

I can understand why you're peeved and I'm sorry if you're having a hard time right now but you've allowed this instead of nipping it in the bud when you had the chance.

Also, if you have got a lot going on right now, maybe your DD does too and it might be nice to make the effort for her but that's up to you obvs.

@theonlyKevin
you seem to have plenty time to post on MN, so no, I don't take your I am so busyyyyy seriously, sorry!
Slightly off topic (and my son is 20 and doesn’t want an elf) but did want to comment that I actually use MN on my commute so I could be too busy at home if it was me.
(Prop the iPad up on steering wheel, careful not to obscure the windscreen).

It's just what parents do.

This.

Scrooge signalling? Humbug signalling?

I don't know anyone who spends all their time traipsing after their kids.....barrel of laughs they all sound.

It is massively inappropriate for a member of staff at a school to buy a gift for a child like that. We are categorically not allowed to do it and that has been explicitly explained.

I'm totally with you in the feeling of being stretched to breaking point as it is and that a fcuking elf might just tip me over the edge. I grew up having perfectly magical Christmases with no elf, no Christmas Eve box, I didn't even have chocolate in my advent calendars! All these things just aren't necessary. All more and more spending and time. Yes I have time for MN right now but yesterday I literally didn't stop from 6am to past 9pm (most days are like that) and the very lest thing I would need then is to have to sort out an elf!

Yabbers. You are coping admirably: I'm there for you. Surely free advice is available or counselling. Have you tried the National Elf Service.