Someone bought an elf for DD

[Yabbers]

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

Even if it was, I don’t need a piece of cheap cloth to make sure she behaves for 20 days.

Our elf plays no role in surveillance. Neither does anyone else's I know of. They're just there for fun.

And I object to the 'tat' comment as our elf is quite cute and very, very loved in our house.

Again, I'm not advocating you do it if you don't want to, but no need to disparage others in justifying yourself.

I was responding to the posters who think it is a safeguarding issue and if they do think it is, surely you’d refer to the professionals? I’m trying to imagine a social worker receiving this concern!

I’d avoided the bloody elf until my mother bought one for dd. I wasn’t happy.

So far the after school club elf has, been stuck to a wall, demolished a stack of toast and worn a slice as a jumper, wrapped all of their Xmas trees in toilet paper, plus other exploits. Ours moves places. Dd is complaining that our elf isn’t doing much. She is lucky I’ve remembered to keep moving him! I don’t mind the idea of an elf sitting in a shelf (the same sodding shelf would be good), but the whole trashing your house idea is just daft!

Schuyler - when people are saying this is a safeguarding issue I don't think they mean that there are concerns in this particular instance such that contacting SS etc would be sensible.

What they mean is that school staff giving gifts to children can, in some cases, be indicative of potential abuse and therefore most schools have stringent policies against it. The school should possibly be informed to make sure this staff member is properly trained and to ensure the school has proper safeguarding measures in place.

@AddictedToTea I'm surprised, your school certainly isn't following best practice - www.headteacher-update.com/best-practice-article/safeguarding-maintaining-professional-boundaries/147893

As I've said, there obviously doesn't appear to be any risk here, but that doesn't mean the member of staff hasn't breached important safeguarding principles.

It wasn't "the school" that rang the OP's DH, it was the member of staff themselves. So it is likely the school are wholly unaware of this.

@notacluethisxmas

What do you mean by 'I just don't get it'. It's not for you to get. It's for kids.

There's loads of Christmas traditions that seem a bit weird.

Do you really only do stuff for your kids that you find fun or get?

A bit late to the thread, but I'm with you, op. I was pretty pissed off that my DCs have found out about elf on the shelf this year.

There is so much pressure around Xmas. Advent calendars are getting more elaborate, everyone has Xmas jumpers & PJs.

We've always invested a lot of time & effort in Father Xmas, as me & DH both want to make it magical. There's the shopping, wrapping, tree, the hosting, the food, the travelling to visit everyone. Also, due to being snowed in our village in February, I have no A/L to take time off before. I think Elf on the shelf might break me.

If someone came to me with a ‘safeguarding concern’ regarding the purchase of an Elf I’d not be able to keep a straight face.

Then I hope you're not a DSL.
It's not even about the elf, it's about going against a parent's choice, presenting it as a fait accompli and singling out a particular child.
It's obviously innocent but annoying in this case. It isn't always.

Of course it's a safeguarding issue. It doesn't need to be referred to the SS but does need to be logged with DSL and adequate training and professional boundaries need to be reviewed.
It's not "a member of staff trying to keep magic of xmas alive" it's "a member of staff gave an individual child in her school a present for no particular reason without first talking to parents" I wonder if people would feel differently if it was a male.

If she wanted said child to have the toy, she should have checked with parents first. It's not on.

You don’t have to do any of the elf is making sure you’re being good stuff. I don’t know anyone who does this, the Elf just comes to stay

We have managed to avoid elf on the shelf so far, as DD1 is only 3 and hasn’t yet discovered it.

I could probably find time to do it but I don’t want this to be one of our traditions. I don’t particularly like it. I agree with the increasing pressure at Christmas, the ridiculous advent calendars etc (dont even get me started on the homemade ones where they get a present every day - don’t they get enough over Christmas??) and I miss The more simple Christmas from when I was a little girl.

You can create a lovely, magical Christmas without buying into absolutely everything.

A chore??? pressure??? Jesus!!! Someone did something nice for your daughter and you are pissed off?

Why not just scrap Father Christmas, in fact no scrap Christmas as a whole, I mean what with all the pressure.

It would annoy me too. For several reasons. Not least that children can be quite astute and will probably figure out that a soft toy doesn’t come to life at night at a younger age than they would realise the Father Christmas is mythical.

If rather be left to choose our family traditions (and try to prolong the magic) for my own family. Other people interfering isn’t on.

So are you going to bother moving it about or just let your daughter have it as a toy?

Do you really only do stuff for your kids that you find fun or get?

Pretty much. I’m not going to take her hiking, or to a football match but I’ll take her to the library or to a rugby match because it’s what we’re interested in. That’s what families do. This elf is hardly a tradition, it’s a fad. Nobody needs to buy into everything.

We could all list the mountain of jobs and hideously busy schedules we have over the next few weeks, but it does sound slightly dramatic op.
If you’re already stretched to breaking point, one more thing can really be a problem.

If you’re already stretched to breaking point, one more thing can really be a problem.

Its one more thing to remember more than anything else. (Which is fine of you’re up for it.)

I remember one year the tooth fairies forgot to come to our house TWICE in two months. The guilt! The cover stories!

our elf plays no role in surveillance. Neither does anyone else's I know of.

Most of the children I know who have them do have the 'watching the children' thing - with some added weirdness about the elf being sent back to Santa if they are touched....one little boy was beside himself all morning as he had touched his elf and he had disappeared and wouldn't come back. He then had to say sorry to Santa and lo his elf was back...allelulah it's a miracle of Christmas magic blah.

Ds loves YouTube videos of families like Daily Bumps....the families on there do the whole 9 yards, setting up scenes, Santa cams, the lot. Don't other kids watch these things?

Personally I am not a fan of all the naughty/nice thing - I like giving to be unconditional.

Ds finds the elf idea scary and is happy that we have 3 ninja elves who you can't see but who leave a sack outside the front door on Xmas eve filled with the vegetables for Xmas lunch.

some added weirdness about the elf being sent back to Santa if they are touched..

What kind of victim blaming is that?!

Easy solution - elf breaks leg. Wrap Elf's leg in tape. Doctor says elf must remain in a stable location (preferably on the mantelpiece or somewhere equally visible so he doesn't move) for the foreseeable future. Job done!

Does anyone else not want one just because they’re creepy looking? I have the same thing with pot dolls, I’m not afraid of them, but I wouldn’t want one in my house. Ds is only 2 so not a problem as yet.

"Does anyone else not want one just because they’re creepy looking?"

Not particularly-but I don't like the idea of the watching & reporting back-although I doubt that everyone does that.

I don't think that not wanting to do it (even if your kid does) is a bad thing.

What is bad is being bought one by someone else because your kid has mentioned wanting one.

Does anyone else not want one just because they’re creepy looking?

It's one of the reasons I would not entertain the idea of one entering my home. I find them really, really creepy - repulsive.

But really, why would I consider one? We have our Christmas traditions. Why on earth would I consider buying some tatty, creepy, surveilling toy, just because some other people do it and someone wants to sell me one? People want to sell me a lot of tat I don't want, need or contemplate buying.

and I miss The more simple Christmas from when I was a little girl.

You can get plain advent calendars. Super .markets had load if the ones with just one chocolate per day . Or no chocolate. I got my ds a simple one from asda.

Pretty much. I’m not going to take her hiking, or to a football match but I’ll take her to the library or to a rugby match because it’s what we’re interested in. That’s what families do. This elf is hardly a tradition, it’s a fad. Nobody needs to buy into everything.

Really? So if she wants to go a rugby match, you wouldn't take her? Or football? Or something that isn't of interest to you?

I don't know any families that will only do stuff with their kids, if the adults want and like it.

I also find it a bit sad that people have their traditions and are so firm against adding new ones.

I love when traditions just naturally evolve.