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AIBU?

Someone bought an elf for DD

286 replies

Yabbers · 06/12/2018 16:19

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

OP posts:

Report

alacazam · 07/12/2018 19:55

That elf on the shelf has such a menacing face. I don't know why anyone thinks it's cute. Looks demented. Stop kidding yourselves it's cute. Elves are supposed to be mythical, mysterious characters so why have one in the house all the time at Christmas?????

Amallamard · 07/12/2018 20:00

I never said they shouldn't but people seem to be getting quite upset about others saying they don't want to do it. This staff member got so upset that she felt the need to buy an elf for the child!

As someone who works in a school I'd say that was very, very wrong for all sorts of reasons. Anyone who did that where I work would be in lots of trouble for it. There are good reasons why staff are not allowed to buy gifts for individual children.

OP it's probably too late now but I think I would have told your dd that she was obviously mistaken and that the elf was meant to stay at school for the class, then get her to take it back to school. Let them know that's what you are doing and then that staff member can make the magic for all of the children in the class and not just your dd. That would be far more appropriate.

LaurieMarlow · 07/12/2018 20:04

That elf on the shelf has such a menacing face. I don't know why anyone thinks it's cute. Looks demented.

There are lots of adorable non official elves out. And they're much cheaper.

Yabbers · 07/12/2018 20:12

What bullshit! That came about, because of your comments about only doing stuff with your child that you were interested in

Only. Won't Only do the things she wants to do. There is a difference.

OP posts:

GlomOfNit · 07/12/2018 21:45

I made our elf. Not trying to be poncetastic, I just like doing things like that. That was six years ago.

The little fucker gets a new name to add onto the train of names he already has every Christmas and DS1, who is now ten going on eleven, shows no sign of abating his love for the thing. It's part of Christmas to him, and he's now well aware it's me. I've never used it to enforce good behaviour though.

OP, if it makes it any better, the whole American Elf on Shelf thing was just that - the wretched little imp sits on a high shelf the entire month and Looks. Doesn't move. All the messy biscuit-making, toilet roll unravelling crap is subsequent to that. Ours doesn't make a mess - I'm not stupid - it just moves from obvious place to obvious place, and I forget to move it about one night in three.

cherish123 · 07/12/2018 21:53

The elf book/toy is a relatively new phenomenon. Like other fads, it will pass. This member of staff over stepped the mark. What if another child said that they wanted an action man? Would they buy them this? I would call the school and ask to speak to said member of staff to explain why they bought it. Let your daughter have it and if she wants to do funny stuff with it, she can do it herself. You don't have to do it.

Redcrayonisthebest · 07/12/2018 22:17

Oh for goodness sake, the staff member was trying to be kind, he/she'll get that knocked out of them in a hurry won't they. The elf isn't a stress or a commitment. Yes I know Pinterest shows him complete with miniature fishing rods and all sorts but honestly don't over think it. Top of the tv one day, inside a shoe, a cereal box, in the Christmas tree. Basically just bung him in a new hiding place each night... it takes 30 seconds.
You say you're under a lot of pressure just now. Maybe whoever bought the elf thought that your dd needed a bit of magic right now? Just a thought!

purplebunny2012 · 07/12/2018 22:34

YANBU. I would be extremely annoyed as I don't buy into the idea at all. Stupid idea that came over from America and will not be part of my household

RCohle · 07/12/2018 22:49

I have no idea why MN loves the elf on the shelf so much and thinks it's a joyful new tradition but Halloween on the other hand is a nasty tacky American import.

ReanimatedSGB · 07/12/2018 22:50

I think OP has been very gracious about this whole business but the teacher who bought the thing does need someone to have a gentle word with her. Suppose there's another kid in the same class who really, really wants a puppy? While the teacher will (hopefully) have enough sense to know you don't buy puppies for other people's DC, the puppy-wanting kid might believe that, because Santa or Magic or Christmas meant that OP's DD got the elf she wanted, this kid should magically get a puppy...

I'd also be having a sharp word with the school if they started behaving as though elves were compulsory. Yes, many 'traditions' grew out of marketing campaigns but that doesn't mean schools need to impose them on all DC regardless of parents' wishes. Surely school staff know to be reasonably careful about Father Christmas if they live in a diverse area, rather than assuming that all families have the same viewpoint...

celticprincess · 07/12/2018 22:59

I can see where OP is coming from. We got ours about 5 years ago as a gift from mil. We were totally skint and this was the first year they seemed to start getting popular. Sil had one for niece. We are talking about the official original elf on the shelf that comes with the book. Was around £30. We had decided we were not doing it and DD didn’t really know about it. Half way through December we met up with mil and there was the elf for DD. We’ve had to take part ever since. When ex dh and I separated I kept custody of the elf and he ended up getting a new elf for his house - totally different soft bodied green elf. Since then the shops have exploded with elves for sale. £1 versions of the official one (but with creepy ears and stripey legs) and various cuddly ones. The elf has become expected now as DD1 has ASD traits and once something happens once there’s a huge expectation of it continuing. We decided it’s not that bad a thing and I couldn’t get all worked up about it. Ours does do silly poses - not really naughty things - but the original books just has the elf hide spots each night. That’s the simple approach we should have taken.

celticprincess · 07/12/2018 23:00

Oh but I should add that it seems very odd for a teacher or staff at school to have bought this!! I’m a teacher and this is not something that would be seen as acceptable really.

FairyFlake45 · 07/12/2018 23:10

Although it seems a nice enough thing to do for your child, it is absolutely not allowed in any school. I work in a primary school and it is completely forbidden now to give any gift to any child, by law, as it can be seen as grooming. Sorry but I think YANBU

ContessaHallelujahSparklehorse · 07/12/2018 23:19

Another one chiming in to say the elf is a creepy little fucker who a) makes no sense as a concept, b) is a terrifying manifestation of a surveillance state and c) makes kids be good because they're being watched rather than just being good because they bloody should be.

You may have guessed that we don't have one; any fucker who bought us one would receive (polite) short shrift too!

celticprincess · 07/12/2018 23:22

Oh and the official elf has a lovely face. You can choose skin colour and gender. They don’t look creepy. The copy ones from £1 shops however DO look creepy.

wavesmax · 07/12/2018 23:24

I think it's a lovely gesture. This teachers heart is in the right place. I wish there were more like that at my child's school.

Catsinthecupboard · 08/12/2018 00:33

The irony of the elf is that, knowing where it's originated, it probably was an evil judgey elf who really didn't have a good sense of humor.

If i got one, i would burn it on principle. (Only slightly bitter and a little bit poorly judged, once upon a time.)

LittleMsM · 08/12/2018 00:39

I saw an elf on the shelf post t'other day where the elf had a plaster cast on his leg so was on strict bedrest for a couple of weeks... skiing accident I believe...

kateandme · 08/12/2018 02:58

me and my mum have a moose! those toddler size ones that were in ikea years ago.(I think they stopped selling it because he was too big and might hurt children blah blah stupid fecking blah)
so when she comes down or goes out(no pressure for everyday) I will surprise her with his position and she mine.tofay she kidnapped my hat and put it on him.yesterday I positioned him across the worktop looking adoringly into her slow cooker at the pork stew.
its fun for us but we are idiots about it and there is no pressure.

kmckenna477 · 08/12/2018 05:13

What a lovely kind thing if the teacher to do. If you really don’t want to share in the elf magic , you could bandage its leg and leave a note to the effect that, with a broken leg, the elf needs to rest. I’d love the idea that the teacher took the time and effort to buy an elf for my child and I would make my child’s fun a priority.... only for 2 weeks. Elves and Santa only last for a very short time in a child’s life.

LaurieMarlow · 08/12/2018 05:25

makes no sense as a concept

Santa makes no sense as a concept either. It doesnt stop us.

b) is a terrifying manifestation of a surveillance state and c) makes kids be good because they're being watched rather than just being good because they bloody should be

Neither of these are necessary features of the elf. No one I know does surveillance. It's perfectly possible to do it as 'elf comes to stay, gets up to mischief/moves around at night, end of story'.

Obviously it's ok to dislike the elf. I just find that lots of the reasons given on here don't apply to how we (and everyone I know) does the elf.

tillytrotter1 · 08/12/2018 06:20

I think it's a lovely gesture. This teachers heart is in the right place. I wish there were more like that at my child's school.

I do hope that this maligned teacher has made a note never, ever to do anything kind again!

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Notacluethisxmas · 08/12/2018 07:14

Only. Won't Only do the things she wants to do. There is a difference.

That's bullshit too. That's not what you said. I can cut and paste the quotes but people can read them themseleves. You didn't say only. You posted it more that once.

Yabbers · 08/12/2018 21:30

That's not what you said

Post as many quotes as you want, but as you seem determined to argue and completely miss what the whole point was, and twist it to suit whatever judgement you have of how other people parent. I'll clarify just for you. "Because she wants to" does not mean "we have to". If I have a problem with what she is choosing, as a parent I step in and say no. Thankfully she's not an idiot and understands that.

OP posts:

busyhonestchildcarer · 09/12/2018 09:52

Tell her that elves normally watch to see whats going on and like to be left alone but vert very occasionally will do naughty things as they are mischievous.Any child would be more thrilled by this then an elf doing something every day.They will get used to it and it becomes boring.I would keep it high on a shelf and very infrequently do something

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