Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone bought an elf for DD

286 replies

Yabbers · 06/12/2018 16:19

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

OP posts:
ToftyAC · 07/12/2018 18:13

Wow! What’s happened to people? AIBU are usually full of school/teacher bashing’s and here someone at school did something NICE. You can’t win whatever you do these days. So, in answer to your question? Yes, I think you’re being ridiculously unreasonable.

anatol · 07/12/2018 18:15

I'm a teacher and while I dont agree with it being a safeguarding issue that the staff member bought your child a gift, something like that, meaning you will have to continue with the elf's 'mischief making' at home, is not okay. Neither is it ok to buy a child something that they have said they are upset about their parents not having not them. The staff member would have had no idea why you had not bought an elf for your dd so it's absolutely not their place to do so and it undermines your parenting.
I would contact the school and without kicking up a stink just let them know that while their heart might have been in the right place it wasnt appropriate.

anatol · 07/12/2018 18:16

*got

Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 18:17

I grew up having perfectly magical Christmases with no elf, no Christmas Eve box, I didn't even have chocolate in my advent calendars!

And I bet that your parents/grandparents etc could say the same.

Should no one ever have anything new because you enjoyed Christmas as a child?

sj257 · 07/12/2018 18:21

I hate this whole elf thing.... I just think it’s unnecessary pressure, where the heck has it come from?! My older kids are 10 and 12 and it has only seemed to be a thing in the last 3 or 4 years. Thankfully have gotten away with it. Plus now the elves are all over the shops? Surely that takes the magic away!

My youngest is 22 months....bet I’ll end up caving at some point 😩😩😩

Enjoying my last elf free Christmas 😭😭😭

Cachailleacha · 07/12/2018 18:21

Just tell her it's a toy. It's not going to move around on it's own! She could have fun moving it each evening or early morning and surprise you.

RosieStarr · 07/12/2018 18:21

I genuinely don’t understand why parents buy these things for their kids, the whole concept of this elf on the shelf thing watching them all the time creeps me out.

SezziBaybee · 07/12/2018 18:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Faith77 · 07/12/2018 18:33

My 10yo DD became a "Santa" this year after discovering the secret, and she is taking her new role very seriously. Part of that is that she has insisted on getting her 6 and 2 year old cousins an elf each. My brother is not happy, but I am not going to tell my 10yo off for doing something kind using her own money, just try to steer her towards slightly less time consuming ways to spread the magic in future! I have just told my brother to tell the kids that these elves literally just sit on the shelf, and told my daughter that she has to go along with that, because he is the one who would have to do the work, not her! Part of the problem is that she had an elf herself, and absolutely loved it, so she wants to share the fun. Now the elf is in her possession and she sleeps with it every night because she still adores it. Yes, the elves are a bit of a pain, and I have forgotten to move it numerous times over the years, but they also bring a bit of extra magic. It is only 24 nights a year, and they don't have to do anything big. They don't even have to move every night! I did have fun doing it!

Ginburee · 07/12/2018 18:34

I love the elf, we have more than one as we have more than one child. We are en route to Granny's house for the night and tucked in my bag are reindeer egg cups and kinder eggs, for breakfast.
I certainly wouldn't report the member of staff but have a quiet word if you think you need to.

skybluee · 07/12/2018 18:36

It wasn't something nice though was it for the OP? She'd made the conscious decision that the Elf on the Shelf was a Christmas tradition their family didn't want to take part in. They do lots of other stuff by the sounds of things, just not this. That's the parents choice. So the TA took that decision out of her hands and made it for her. That's the problem.

If the school rules state no buying presents for children, there should be no buying presents for children. What if her daughter talks about how it appeared and the other kids in the class who don't have one get upset over that? Or they wonder why she got one and they didn't? It opens up a whole can of worms, which is probably part of the reason they have that rule.

Islandbabe · 07/12/2018 18:39

Bah humbug! Think it's a nice gesture. Our kid's class has one and it's such fun. If it's really that much trouble let the class/teacher adopt it.

diamondofdoom · 07/12/2018 18:41

I'm glad I'm not doing the bloody elf this year or any year tbh

I'm with you, they are incredibly irritating Xmas Angry

Palaver1 · 07/12/2018 18:50

Wow ...something so nice you and a couple of comments ruined.Cant we say thanks and see the nice giving side, why do we always have to.make things so hard..OP YABU

Queenofthedrivensnow · 07/12/2018 18:56

No one has the stress monopoly. If the teacher had bought her a pony you might have a point.

Bollocks it's a safeguarding issue.

cloudspotter · 07/12/2018 19:25

I'm with those that think this was a nice gesture, albeit perhaps not very well thought through. A forgiveable mistake.

Maybe you got a "lazy" elf that doesn't do much? Grin Kids don't generally have the high expectations, that's us with our competitive parenting.

I think it's fun, but yes can be a rod for your own back.

Mind you, if we hark back to the fact that we never had one, we could do a full four Yorkshireman sketch and go back to the time where our grandparents got a walnut and an orange and were grateful for that...etc....

Putthekettleonplease · 07/12/2018 19:28

All you have to do is move the elf from one shelf to another. It’s not exactly strenuous. How busy can someone’s life be that they can’t manage that?
My elf actions are not inventive. But he moves. And their little faces are so excited every morning when looking for him.

Fabulousdahlink · 07/12/2018 19:29

Send it back to school. Tell her it's culturally inappropriate for your home.

Tell your daughter the elf told you he's allergic to your cat./dog/ whatever so has got to go and live at school. That way it's up to school to entertain your daughter with elf nonsense. I'm no bah humbug...but if you wanted one...you'd have bought one. Grrr.

LaurieMarlow · 07/12/2018 19:37

I genuinely don’t understand why parents buy these things for their kids, the whole concept of this elf on the shelf thing watching them all the time creeps me out.

I don't think it's that difficult to understand.

Firstly, our elf doesn't do any surveillance.

Secondly, DS loves to see what (very tame) mischief the elf has been up to in the night. He bounces out of bed to search for the elf every morning. It's not hard to see why that would capture his imagination.

The time and energy it takes are entirely worth it for his reaction.

LaurieMarlow · 07/12/2018 19:38

Tell her it's culturally inappropriate for your home.

What does this statement even mean? Confused

Just tell them you don't want to do it.

Amallamard · 07/12/2018 19:39

Should no one ever have anything new because you enjoyed Christmas as a child?

Er no, my children have lots of things that I never had as a child, including advent calendars with sweets in. I'm just saying that it's really not essential to do an elf as some people on this thread seem to think. It's not like Christmas is cancelled in my house and there's no magic. I just don't want the faff of an elf. Please don't worry about my children, they are far from deprived and anyone who wants to do an elf is free to fill their boots. Just don't pressure other people into doing it too (which is what has happened to the OP and which a lot of people here seem to be trying to do). It doesn't make us evil killjoys because we aren't buying yet another thing to add to Christmas (like there's not enough going on already).

Original poster
Yabbers · 07/12/2018 19:52

it was down to you to say "thanks but no thanks".

So this one is on you. Own it

Actually not on me (or OH) because by the time we knew about it she already had it. Had I have said no at that point, then I would have been a really shit parent. "You know that thing you think is totally magic and that you made it happen, well it's shit because someone bought that for you and I don't like the whole elf thing so it's going back". Yeah, sure, that was a real choice I had. 🙄

Similarly, having it just sit there when she is expecting it to do stuff will make her sad too. So, no, I'm not going to be that person and certainly not because of something someone else has done.

I've no intention of reporting the staff member to anyone. She meant well and is a lovely lady.

And I do love how this has gone from me not having time to do an elf to me not ever doing anything DD wants to do. Only on MN can that ridiculous leap ever happen.

OP posts:
Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 19:53

Amallamard why would I be worried about your kids? Who mentioned your kids?

I don't think everyone should have an elf. Simply pointing out that just because certain things weren't around when you were young doesn't they can't be introduced and fun now.

Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 19:54

And I do love how this has gone from me not having time to do an elf to me not ever doing anything DD wants to do. Only on MN can that ridiculous leap ever happen

What bullshit! That came about, because of your comments about only doing stuff with your child that you were interested in.

Not because you don't have time for the elf.

Original poster
Yabbers · 07/12/2018 19:55

Anatol it wasn't done because I had said no.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread