Someone bought an elf for DD

[Yabbers]

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

[TheDarkSideOfTheMoon]

That’s why as soon as my kids asked if the santa was real - l was like - NOPE 🙄 and Christmas is not about fat, bearded old man bringing you presents at all so l’m the one buying presents for you - better be nice to me 😂

[Looneytune253]

I would say leave it at school and it has to get up to it’s tricks there at school. May take a cpl of days but I’ll bet the teacher is sick of it 😂😂

[GoldenWonderwall]

We don’t do elf on the shelf because it is utter bollocks and I can’t be arsed. My dc are obviously utterly denied any of the magic of Christmas and should probably be removed by ss.

The sheer number of posts about the elf breaking its leg so it can’t get up to pinterest shit proves that even the people that buy into the magic of a made up story by an American woman a few years ago, are not really filled with the joys of Xmas as they set up their elf sized remake of the Sistine chapel out of chocolate fingers and Cheerios.

[SweetheartNeckline]

Completely innappropriate and suggests a lack of safeguarding training and/or critical thought about why such training exists. It's normalising gifting from a position of trust which is grooming behaviour (NOT suggesting staff member is actually grooming) as well as normalising ignoring parental and family boundaries.

My DD2 would love an Elf. I'd be fucking raging if school singled her out to give her one from "Santa" - we don't have one as my eldest DD is terrified of being watched and has enough anxiety and guilt about any minor (perceived) bad behaviour without there being another "wintness".

[Fairenuff]

Staff do stock spare clothes for toileting accidents, yes. These are usually expected to be washed at home and brought back. Obviously it's in the best interests of the child not to be left in soiled/wet clothes.

School would not supply uniform to families who cannot afford it without first getting permission and agreement from the parent/caregiver. They usually 'sell' them for 50p or something affordable, or just ask for any donation so that the parent does not have to feel embarrassed about receiving charity (not that there's anything to be embarrassed about but some people are).

Both of these situations are concerning the welfare of the child and are completely different to over stepping the boundary by providing not only a gift to the child but a toy that the parent did not actually want the child to have.

[ReanimatedSGB]

I don't think anyone's advocating trying to get the teacher sacked, but someone does need to have a word with him/her and suggest it doesn't happen again.
@Fairenuff I thought some schools now have a policy of loaning uniform items to kids who haven't got them or have lost/damaged/outgrown them and the family can't afford a replacement. (Am pretty sure many primary/infant schools have a few spare pairs of trousers etc for reception kids who might have the odd accident).

[Gatehouse77]

Gifts, loaning and borrowing
Avoid giving pupils gifts and lending or borrowing items. There are issues of power, control and equality involved in these areas. Pupils should be discouraged from offering gifts to staff.'

If there were a pattern then can see that argument being used. However, it appears to be a one off. Which is why I would say something in case a pattern needed to be detected.

[Gatehouse77]

Having done plenty of safeguarding training there is absolutely NO safeguarding issue here AT ALL.

It's simply a member of staff who has overstepped the mark and, if it were me, would be held accountable but not in an accusatory way but a don't do this again kind of way.

[Elphie54]

Does your daughter still believe that the creepy elf is real and really talks to Santa? If you really don’t want her to have it, you could make the elf vanish and leave a note in its place:

“Dear _,

You have been such a good girl this year (yes we elves check during the year but you can’t see us) that I am not needed here. Santa has asked me to return so I can go keep my eyes on another child who is being naughty.

Happy Christmas,
the Elf

P.S. just because you don’t see me, doesn’t mean I am not watching”

[carringtonm]

I second PP. This is a safeguarding concern. Speak to the school because a staff member should not be behaving in this way, no matter how well-meaning it is.

[Fairenuff]

I actually would tell the school OP because that staff member needs more safeguarding training.

I wonder what other gifts they buy for children who they considered to be deprived of something. It's really not ok for them to do be doing this and the HT should be made aware of it.

safeguarding best practice

From the link above:

'Gifts, loaning and borrowing
Avoid giving pupils gifts and lending or borrowing items. There are issues of power, control and equality involved in these areas. Pupils should be discouraged from offering gifts to staff.'

[busyhonestchildcarer]

Tell her that elves normally watch to see whats going on and like to be left alone but vert very occasionally will do naughty things as they are mischievous.Any child would be more thrilled by this then an elf doing something every day.They will get used to it and it becomes boring.I would keep it high on a shelf and very infrequently do something

[Yabbers]

That's not what you said

Post as many quotes as you want, but as you seem determined to argue and completely miss what the whole point was, and twist it to suit whatever judgement you have of how other people parent. I'll clarify just for you. "Because she wants to" does not mean "we have to". If I have a problem with what she is choosing, as a parent I step in and say no. Thankfully she's not an idiot and understands that.

[Notacluethisxmas]

Only. Won't Only do the things she wants to do. There is a difference.

That's bullshit too. That's not what you said. I can cut and paste the quotes but people can read them themseleves. You didn't say only. You posted it more that once.

[tillytrotter1]

I think it's a lovely gesture. This teachers heart is in the right place. I wish there were more like that at my child's school.

I do hope that this maligned teacher has made a note never, ever to do anything kind again!

[LaurieMarlow]

makes no sense as a concept

Santa makes no sense as a concept either. It doesnt stop us.

b) is a terrifying manifestation of a surveillance state and c) makes kids be good because they're being watched rather than just being good because they bloody should be

Neither of these are necessary features of the elf. No one I know does surveillance. It's perfectly possible to do it as 'elf comes to stay, gets up to mischief/moves around at night, end of story'.

Obviously it's ok to dislike the elf. I just find that lots of the reasons given on here don't apply to how we (and everyone I know) does the elf.

[kmckenna477]

What a lovely kind thing if the teacher to do. If you really don’t want to share in the elf magic , you could bandage its leg and leave a note to the effect that, with a broken leg, the elf needs to rest. I’d love the idea that the teacher took the time and effort to buy an elf for my child and I would make my child’s fun a priority.... only for 2 weeks. Elves and Santa only last for a very short time in a child’s life.

[kateandme]

me and my mum have a moose! those toddler size ones that were in ikea years ago.(I think they stopped selling it because he was too big and might hurt children blah blah stupid fecking blah)
so when she comes down or goes out(no pressure for everyday) I will surprise her with his position and she mine.tofay she kidnapped my hat and put it on him.yesterday I positioned him across the worktop looking adoringly into her slow cooker at the pork stew.
its fun for us but we are idiots about it and there is no pressure.

[LittleMsM]

I saw an elf on the shelf post t'other day where the elf had a plaster cast on his leg so was on strict bedrest for a couple of weeks... skiing accident I believe...

[Catsinthecupboard]

The irony of the elf is that, knowing where it's originated, it probably was an evil judgey elf who really didn't have a good sense of humor.

If i got one, i would burn it on principle. (Only slightly bitter and a little bit poorly judged, once upon a time.)

[wavesmax]

I think it's a lovely gesture. This teachers heart is in the right place. I wish there were more like that at my child's school.

[celticprincess]

Oh and the official elf has a lovely face. You can choose skin colour and gender. They don’t look creepy. The copy ones from £1 shops however DO look creepy.

[ContessaHallelujahSparklehorse]

Another one chiming in to say the elf is a creepy little fucker who a) makes no sense as a concept, b) is a terrifying manifestation of a surveillance state and c) makes kids be good because they're being watched rather than just being good because they bloody should be.

You may have guessed that we don't have one; any fucker who bought us one would receive (polite) short shrift too!

[FairyFlake45]

Although it seems a nice enough thing to do for your child, it is absolutely not allowed in any school. I work in a primary school and it is completely forbidden now to give any gift to any child, by law, as it can be seen as grooming. Sorry but I think YANBU

[celticprincess]

Oh but I should add that it seems very odd for a teacher or staff at school to have bought this!! I’m a teacher and this is not something that would be seen as acceptable really.