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Original poster

Being annoyed - open relationship

150 replies

ImFreezinMyTitsOff · 05/12/2018 19:10

OK so I'm in an open relationship (basically one sided as I have no interest in even talking to myself at the moment let alone meeting somebody new). I'm fine with him doing this shit but don't lie and don't bring it into our relationship was my 2 terms. But when we're cuddling on the sofa or spending time together every really he sits on dating apps or looks at porn (as if flicking through mumsnet). I'm also aware he's been talking to another woman, and his phone is constantly pinging with messages. It bothers me as I feel under pressure in my own home. The other day he was like what are we doing on Thursday and I knew straight away he was planning to go and see her. I questioned him on why he wanted to know but he insisted there was no reason. Now today he's said there is a reason and he wants to go and see her tomorrow for 8 hours. I don't know how I feel about that. This whole things started making me feel sick.

OP posts:
guzzlepuzzle · 05/12/2018 19:11

It doesn't sound very 2 way it sounds like he's having his cake and eating it! If it's not what you want then finish it. Find yourself someone who only wants you and who appreciates you!

WWlOOlWW · 05/12/2018 19:13

You are not fine about it.

Bombardier25966 · 05/12/2018 19:14

Why have you agreed to an open relationship when it's clearly not what you want?

JacquesHammer · 05/12/2018 19:14

An open relationship can work if both parties are on board, I don’t think you are.

However, it also needs basic tenets of respect and he isn’t behaving respectfully to you.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 05/12/2018 19:14

I'm fine with him doing this shit

You really are not

DroningOn · 05/12/2018 19:15

Never posted this before but LTB

DoneLikeAKipper · 05/12/2018 19:15

I'm fine with him doing this shit

Well you’re obcnot fine with it. A few choices, accept he’s seeing other women, demand a monogamous relationship or end the whole thing. Depends what you see in the future really.

DoneLikeAKipper · 05/12/2018 19:15

*obviously not

Original poster
ImFreezinMyTitsOff · 05/12/2018 19:17

I was okay with it when we'd set boundaries, but now he doesn't care about them and im uncomfortable. I don't feel good about myself as it is at the moment and just feel like he's looking for his replacement

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/12/2018 19:17

I thought an open relationship meant just sex with others, but the emotional side with just the one original partner? Not constant contact, hes basically in 2 relationships at once but also living with you? I'd have to either end the openess or the whole relationship, clearly its not working for you.

M00nUnit · 05/12/2018 19:17

Why on earth did you agree to have an "open relationship"? It's clearly not working for you and making you very unhappy.

RTFT · 05/12/2018 19:18

Don't give him the chance, fuck him off instead

Thesearmsofmine · 05/12/2018 19:18

You are not ok being in an open relationship. Why did you agree to it?

KnightlyMyMan · 05/12/2018 19:18

I’m fine with him doing this shit

No you’re not and neither should you be

Bernina · 05/12/2018 19:19

So basically you gave him permission to cheat on you?

AnoukSpirit · 05/12/2018 19:20

You'll be able to start feeling better about yourself if you don't have this man there constantly making you feel shit and worthless.

Mxyzptlk · 05/12/2018 19:21

he sits on dating apps or looks at porn
Have you told him you don't like this?

he's been talking to another woman, and his phone is constantly pinging with messages.
He could turn that off.

He's not keeping his side of the agreement. I'd dump him.

Furgggggg12 · 05/12/2018 19:21

Why on earth would you agree to this? Did he give you an ultimatum? Raise your standards. Tell him to fuck off. Why would you put up with this utter bollocks?

corkandwood · 05/12/2018 19:24

So he was the one who wanted to see other women.

You tried to set boundaries and he ignored them.

He is openly trying to arrange hook ups with other women in front of you, in your own home.

He clearly doesn't respect you.

Notreallyhappy · 05/12/2018 19:25

Bin him off...your not happy with it

Oakenbeach · 05/12/2018 19:29

An open relationship can only possibly work if there are boundaries. He’s ignored those boundaries completely! I mean, many people accept their partners looking at porn... very few would accept them doing it while cuddling on the sofa! He has zero respect for you!

masktaster · 05/12/2018 19:30

An open relationship can be a wonderful thing, if it's done with respect, and with full consent from all parties.

It sounds to me like you don't really want this, but also like your DP isn't respecting you. If you think your relationship can continue to work, you need to sit down together and discuss the shape of your relationship calmly and adultly.

For instance - "I don't mind you chatting to new people on dating sites BUT when you do it when we're chilling together in the evenings, I feel pushed out (or whatever). Can we make sure we're still having "us" time?"
"I don't mind you seeing this person, but it's really short notice for you to be out 8 hours - do you mind just being out for less time this time and arrange a longer date with more notice next time?"

Or even

"I'm not comfortable with this any more. I know I said I was, but (reasons). Do you think you can manage without other people, or is this the end?"

Oakenbeach · 05/12/2018 19:31

Why would you put up with this utter bollocks?

And how would you even let this happen for more than 5 seconds without telling him to stop! You’ve let him continue doing this again and again... Do you literally have no backbone!

ISdads · 05/12/2018 19:33

What he is doing is disrespectful. He is just taking the piss. It's quite possible you will feel a whole lot better after telling him to leave if he can't get his shit together

Original poster
ImFreezinMyTitsOff · 05/12/2018 19:35

Do you literally have no backbone!

Basically..

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