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Original poster

Being annoyed - open relationship

150 replies

ImFreezinMyTitsOff · 05/12/2018 19:10

OK so I'm in an open relationship (basically one sided as I have no interest in even talking to myself at the moment let alone meeting somebody new). I'm fine with him doing this shit but don't lie and don't bring it into our relationship was my 2 terms. But when we're cuddling on the sofa or spending time together every really he sits on dating apps or looks at porn (as if flicking through mumsnet). I'm also aware he's been talking to another woman, and his phone is constantly pinging with messages. It bothers me as I feel under pressure in my own home. The other day he was like what are we doing on Thursday and I knew straight away he was planning to go and see her. I questioned him on why he wanted to know but he insisted there was no reason. Now today he's said there is a reason and he wants to go and see her tomorrow for 8 hours. I don't know how I feel about that. This whole things started making me feel sick.

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 05/12/2018 19:36

Your problem doesn't seem to be backbone to me, it seems to be self esteem. You don't think you are worthy of an exclusive relationship so you put up with this shit. You are wrong. You are worth it. Leave him.

Original poster
ImFreezinMyTitsOff · 05/12/2018 19:38

Frenchfancy they always end in cheating anyway so atleast I was prepared this time.

OP posts:
Bottleup · 05/12/2018 19:39

LTB and find someone who deserves you

PositiveVibez · 05/12/2018 19:39

It's not surprising you don't feel great about yourself.

Get rid of the disrespectful fuckwit and I guarantee, your self esteem will magically stray reappearing.

PositiveVibez · 05/12/2018 19:39

*start

Alfie190 · 05/12/2018 19:41

they always end in cheating anyway

They don't.

Gigglebrain · 05/12/2018 19:42

They don’t end up cheating, my dh absolutely wouldn’t!

JacquesHammer · 05/12/2018 19:44

they always end in cheating anyway

They don’t, you’ve obviously had some very bad experiences.

Being single isn’t a negative thing and might help you work on your self-esteem

missperegrinespeculiar · 05/12/2018 19:45

no, "they" don't all end up cheating, you have been unlucky if that's your experience, there are good men out there, you don't have to put up with this!

flowerpott · 05/12/2018 19:49

Grow a back bone (you can, I promise) and just leave him. He's a complete and life is too short for this. You're worth so much more, believing that will be easier the second you don't have him dragging you down.

easyandy101 · 05/12/2018 19:52

If you were fine with it when operating within established boundaries then reiterate those boundaries are to be adhered to

An open relationship is boundary pushing from the start, I think it's probably pretty normal for a few more boundaries to be pushed along the way. However if it's making you feel bad it absolutely should not continue

Forzaitalia · 05/12/2018 19:52

My poor girl, this guy is a piece of s**t who doesn’t deserve you. I know some people have open relationships, like threesomes or are swingers, whatever, but only if all parties are willing. Not all men are like him so don’t settle for this tragic life. If you have commitments such as a mortgage or children, then it is more of an effort, but if are renting, have your own income etc then kick him out or leave. The way he is treating you is a form of abuse.

AnyFucker · 05/12/2018 19:55

That's not an open relationship

That is you inviting him to treat you like shit

Never let anyone do this to you. Better alone than this.

Fuckingnamechanging · 05/12/2018 19:56

Sweetheart, you're not in an open relationship. You're bonking one man that bonks other women.

Come on....you deserve better than this Flowers

Lifeisabeach09 · 05/12/2018 19:57

You'd be better off single then being with someone like your DP. The relationship is bringing you down emotionally.

What were your reasons for establishing an open relationship in the first place?

Lovemusic33 · 05/12/2018 19:57

Ditch him. You would be better off on your own (being single isn’t that bad), he’s only going to give you more self esteem issues. You don’t feel comfortable with the situation and I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t either.

Mumoftwoish · 05/12/2018 19:58

Oh OP no constructive advice but just wanted to offer a virtual hug. What a shitty situation for you :( I hope you get it sorted soon, this sounds soul destroying no wonder your confidence is so low I wouldn't cope at all xx

lily2403 · 05/12/2018 19:58

He’s not respecting the rules set and agreed upon so dump his ass

lily2403 · 05/12/2018 19:59

I would rather be single than share my guy with other women

Flowers
Notacluethisxmas · 05/12/2018 20:05

So it's an open relationship but he has to hide it all from you?

I think he Is a shit. But I also think your wants are unrealistic. I mean you are arsey because he wanted to know if you wanted to do anything first.

You know he meets other women. But you want him to act like it's affair and sneak about. He is going to make plans to shag other women. When he isn't with you, you will always think he is with someone else.

This isn't an open relationship. It's not FWB. My Dp was fwb before he was my Dp. He had more respect than to spend timebwith me browsing for another shag.

There's so much wrong here. And you won't change a thing.

Feefeetrixabelle · 05/12/2018 20:05

You gave it a go and it’s not worked out.

Sack this guy off, get a vibrator to take care of your sexual needs and a pet/large teddy/super comfy pillow or blanket for the cuddles. You would feel better for not feeling so disrespected

tolerable · 05/12/2018 20:05

get that to fuck So,you actually agreed to a non-existant "open"relationship,where interacting verbally,beepably,actually happening didnt come into it. ..and hes cock-of-the-walk carrying on regardless with enough of a "conscience"to realise blatent doesnt work for him. WOW............ im a bitchand didni know i held that presumption til right now. bite that bullet.love him enough to say Nope.dont like this....i want us (you either do or you dont) or... doomf doomf doomf,another one bights the dust.. love yourself enough to do what makes you happy

Mix56 · 05/12/2018 20:09

Hang on, you asked for the truth, & even though he is flagrantly looking at porn & selecting his new slag in your presence, in your house, he isn't even of capable of saying, "Oh I'm off to shag someone of Thursday"....when you have given him permission......
Just what kind of carpet are you ? What kind of jerk is he?
Just tell him, "Errrrr, Tosser, this no longer works for me". & Close the door

longwayoff · 05/12/2018 20:09

That's not an open relationship, that's saddling yourself with a semi abusive partner who wants to have his cake and eat it.lose him

Chocolate1984 · 05/12/2018 20:10

You don’t feel good about yourself because he is treating you like shit. You will never feel good about yourself if you are with someone who s constantly looking for other people.