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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being annoyed - open relationship

150 replies

ImFreezinMyTitsOff · 05/12/2018 19:10

OK so I'm in an open relationship (basically one sided as I have no interest in even talking to myself at the moment let alone meeting somebody new). I'm fine with him doing this shit but don't lie and don't bring it into our relationship was my 2 terms. But when we're cuddling on the sofa or spending time together every really he sits on dating apps or looks at porn (as if flicking through mumsnet). I'm also aware he's been talking to another woman, and his phone is constantly pinging with messages. It bothers me as I feel under pressure in my own home. The other day he was like what are we doing on Thursday and I knew straight away he was planning to go and see her. I questioned him on why he wanted to know but he insisted there was no reason. Now today he's said there is a reason and he wants to go and see her tomorrow for 8 hours. I don't know how I feel about that. This whole things started making me feel sick.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 05/12/2018 20:20

Oh my, this is a difficult one OP. Hmm
I'm not entirely sure how Open Relationships work y'see, but I truly think you deserve better my lovely, honestly. Flowers

DavetheCat2001 · 05/12/2018 20:22

OP un-mumsnetty hugs for you. You sound totally battered down and sad Sad.

Please please please leave this 'relationship' it sounds really toxic and not good for your self-esteem or mental health.

he sounds like a wanker, and as others have said, you're better off single than compromising to this extent.

It's not going anywhere and is just going to make you unhappier and unhappier.

category12 · 05/12/2018 20:28

I don't know how your rules are supposed to work, but it's clear you're not happy in this supposedly open relationship. (I mean how is he supposed to find other partners if he can't use dating sites or exchange messages, and if he's not supposed to arrange date-nights with them?)

Anyway, all blokes are not unfaithful and you can do better than this.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/12/2018 20:36

corkandwood Wed 05-Dec-18 19:24:02
"So he was the one who wanted to see other women.

You tried to set boundaries and he ignored them.

He is openly trying to arrange hook ups with other women in front of you, in your own home.

He clearly doesn't respect you."

This, this, this!!. Oh, ImFreezinMyTitsOff, this is not any sort of a relationship, not even an 'open' one. You need to get him gone, your self-esteem is already negligible, keeping him in your life will just grind it down to nil. Get rid.

IAmNotAWitch · 05/12/2018 20:48

Mate, just dump him.

Original poster
ImFreezinMyTitsOff · 05/12/2018 20:52

@catergory12 I'm only complaining that he does all of those things while cuddling me on the sofa and when we're having 'us' time. It's like he can't even be bothered to spend 10 minutes with me without trying to find somebody else

OP posts:
category12 · 05/12/2018 20:55

Yes, you're right. You need to dump his arse. There are decent men out there.

KonaMum · 05/12/2018 20:56

Just LTB. You are gaining nothing from this relationship.

I have friends who are polyamorous and they would be horrified by the way he is behaving.

Ohyesiam · 05/12/2018 21:00

Op he doesn’t respect you, and you deserve respect.
Please get yourself out of this situation.

Cheerbear23 · 05/12/2018 21:02

It’s massively disrespectful - bin him off straight away! Not all men are cheats, I promise you.
All you need to say is ‘this isn’t working for me anymore - bye’.

Weebitawks · 05/12/2018 21:04

You are worth so much more than this 🌸🌻. Please don’t let him treat you this way. It’s so easy to say but hard to do.

Cheby · 05/12/2018 21:07

Sack him off OP. You deserve better.

Maelstrop · 05/12/2018 21:12

If you are able to, get rid now and find someone who actually gives a fuck. This bloke clearly doesn't.

Original poster
ImFreezinMyTitsOff · 05/12/2018 22:17

I wish it was that easy

OP posts:
HeavenlyEyes · 05/12/2018 23:33

Why is it not easy to get rid?

Pinkyyy · 05/12/2018 23:38

OP listen to what people are saying. This is doing you more hard than good and you need to devote more time to loving yourself and not this imbecile

Sommelierrrr · 05/12/2018 23:39

I don't think you are being true to yourself here op and you need to set some boundaries. You'll feel alot better for it Flowers

busybarbara · 05/12/2018 23:43

It doesn't sound like you are okay with this arrangement anymore so you need to tell him. That said he is coming back to you each time so it doesn't necessarily mean he's trying to replace you but just taking full advantage of the "deal". People being negative on open relationships on here feels a bit kink shaming to me.

BeekyChitch · 05/12/2018 23:49

Probably best you end it. Sounds like he's taking the piss. You obviously aren't ok with it and it seems to be him that's in the open relationship and you're in an exclusive one.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 05/12/2018 23:53

Please tell us you practise safe sex with this man....

Oakenbeach · 06/12/2018 00:11

Please tell us you practise safe sex with this man....

More like please tell me you’ve stopped having sex with this man.....

Panicwiththebisto · 06/12/2018 00:14

I wonder if Miss "8 hours tomorrow" knows about you Hmm

HestiaParthenos · 06/12/2018 00:19

I wish it was that easy'

Well,why isn't it that easy?

Lovingbenidorm · 06/12/2018 00:21

Find your self respect and get out of this absolute joke of a relationship

SandyY2K · 06/12/2018 00:22

This isn't how open relationships should be.

...and finding a guy to hook up with is easy if you want it.

There's sites where men would be all over you.

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