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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To sell Santa as a story

191 replies

Iwontdosanta · 04/12/2018 19:59

That is to say, make it clear it isn't 'real' but to still have fun with it.

OP posts:
Notahelen · 05/12/2018 23:17

I've only ever told 2 untruths to my kids, Santa and the tooth fairy, my now very grown up 12 years is doing the same for my 2 year old, in his words his dear sister needs the magic he had.

But each family is different and you absolutely have to do what you are comfortable with.

lifetothefull · 05/12/2018 23:28

Don’t know how old your kids are op, but you don’t actually have to make up anything or lie. You just put the stockings out and wonder what will happen. Then join in with them when they conclude that ‘he’s been’. You can go and see Santa and enjoy children enjoying the experience. It’s only when they get older that you have to decide whether to actively continue by lying or to let them work it out. I answer truthfully when asked a direct question. So dd doesn’t believe for first time this year age 8.

jessstan2 · 05/12/2018 23:37

I think it is a very good idea tell the story in a magical way but not to pretend it's true. It's make believe but that can be fun.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 05/12/2018 23:42

The world can be an absolutely dreadful place at times, let's not pretend otherwise.

Anyhow, this article might be of interest, a local mum is pissed off because a classmate told her 5 year old DD that Santa isn't real. Admittedly, there's not a great deal of news here...

www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-mums-fury-daughter-5-2294667

Hwory · 05/12/2018 23:53

Hmm well I don’t agree with your or kants moral view point of ‘lying’.

I’ve known children who have been told Santa isn’t real from an early age and they’ve really been quite insufferable.

SmartPriceHam · 06/12/2018 00:02

My parents told me and my siblings that santa was a game, the stories are fun and help build excitement etc. They also told us that lots of children choose to believe santa is real and that we shouldn't spoil their fun. We loved the game of santa! We had absolutely wonderful christmases. They were still full of excitement and wonder. We also loved going to visit santa at the village hall at the beginning of December and other things like that, it was all part of the fun.

I'm doing the same with my children. DH is relieved he doesn't have to do it. He detested that his parents lied to him for years, even when he asked them outright. He also hates the fact that they used to santa to bribe and manipulate him.

Just because we don't tell our kids santa is real doesn't mean we don't protect and shelter them from the horrible aspects real world. Hmm

GreenTulips · 06/12/2018 00:11

So you won't watch santa movies
Visit santa
Do the nativity plays
Christmas fairs
The tooth fairy
Easter bunny

You'll only allow real life TV shows and not allow cartoons?

Seems like hard work to present reality to your children so young, they'll have a life time of reality when they're working

HerRoyalNotness · 06/12/2018 00:15

We’ve always done Santa as a story. We imagine how wonderful it would be if he did exist and how exciting it is. We talk about how he’d achieve his mission and where he’d start. It’s still magical. and my middle would put out reindeer food and believed a little more that it was true all by himself, without me having to lie to him

OkPedro · 06/12/2018 00:48

I won't do santa you sound like a miserable goady person
Why you jumped on the poster who has just adopted two toddlers and chooses to not traumatise them further by telling them Santa isn't real baffles me.
I actually don't believe a thing you have posted

Iwontdosanta · 06/12/2018 06:04

er ok pedro Hmm

the reason I "jumped" on the poster, and the reason I am also going to "jump" on greentulips is because they are talking bollocks.

they took one thing I had said and twisted it so that it appeared I was saying something else entirely.

"I do not plan to tell my children Santa is real = I think you should tell your toddlers of their past trauma because I believe they should be told the truth about everything" - no, I did not say that.

leaving out some information until children are at such an age to sensibly process it is not lying. "How did I get here mummy?" "mummy and daddy made you and you grew in my tummy" is not lying (it's very twee but about right for such small children as mine.)

i have not told them that we got drunk, took our clothes off, i lay naked ... etc. not telling them information like that is clearly being sensible, not lying.

with adopted toddlers, you would obviously say something like "unfortunately your birth mum (or whatever phrase you want to use) could not look after you, so daddy and I were shown a photograph of you and we just loved your beautiful blue eyes (delete as appropriate) and eventually brought you home."

now obviously that story would be "added" to but at no point is omitting some information lying, it is completely not the same as the Santa "story."

It is up to every parent what they do; personally i do believe that honesty is vital and all the more so if adoption or similar (child born through donated eggs or sperm) is the case but it is just my view. I do object though to having my words twisted.

OP posts:
PoutySprout · 06/12/2018 07:41

So you won't watch santa movies
Visit santa
Do the nativity plays
Christmas fairs
The tooth fairy
Easter bunny

You'll only allow real life TV shows and not allow cartoons?

Where the fuck did you get that bollocks from? I didn’t have to tell my then 3 year old DD that the characters at Disneyland were “just people dressed up”, she told me. Hasn’t spoiled her enjoyment of many other trips. She still finds it exciting. It’s been the same with almost all of the stuff above. She thinks the tooth fairy and Easter bunny are ridiculous ideas and always has - DH and I weren’t the ones who even mentioned them to her first.

She can enjoy a Santa movie without thinking it’s real, just as the characters in monsters inc aren’t real.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 06/12/2018 11:56

YABU. Let kids be kids, it doesn't last long. Don't ruin their memories of Christmas.

MoaningSickness · 06/12/2018 12:04

vast majority of children believe for a few year

When I was a kid no one I knew 'believed' it was just a story like fairies or dragons. I honestly didn't know anyone did Santa as literally true til Mumsnet. It might be the majority approach in your area, but it's really not universal.

MoaningSickness · 06/12/2018 12:22

ruin their memories of Christmas

Anyone who doesn't do Christmas the way I do = ruining children's Christmas. Hmm

I have no idea why people are so narrow minded and frankly ignorant when it comes to this topic.

Countless posters explain that their childhood Christmases were and are amazing and magical without ever literally believing, but still they are bashed for being killjoys by posters who are too thick to imagine any experience but their own is the correct way to do things.

PinkAvocado · 06/12/2018 12:23

YABU. Let kids be kids, it doesn't last long. Don't ruin their memories of Christmas

Childhood and happy memories are really not based around a fictional character. They can still enjoy the stories and make believe - no one is suggesting the alternative is to tell them the horrors of the world or even send them into the kitchen to degiblet the turkey.

Trills · 06/12/2018 20:18

Some of the "Santa is real" posters must be rubbish at playing imaginary games, if they can't contemplate a middle ground between claiming something is actually true and banning it entirely.

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