To sell Santa as a story

[Iwontdosanta]

That is to say, make it clear it isn't 'real' but to still have fun with it.

Well Capri I have planned something like this:

Darlings, when you go to school, you will hear of a man wearing red named Santa. He is a story. You must not believe in him.

or, er, you know, just say it's a story? like you do with stories?

Tbh I have to lie to Ds pretty frequently. Father Christmas as a lie isn’t one I feel bad about telling.

I think there's a big difference between promoting 'the magic of Christmas' for a period of time, limited by the child's own thoughts and experiences and something akin to brainwashing and discouraging any alternative thought. I can't be sure but I'm willing to bet most parents are not into brainwashing.

pouty no sorry, I've worked with children and families who have experienced true trauma. Finding out your parents told a white lie about father Christmas to enhance your childhood does not constitute trauma.

Tell your children santa is a story because it fits with your ideals but don't pass it off as trying to spare children from trauma.

I’m glad I don’t know any of the ‘we don’t lie to our children’ type of parents. Every time I read that I feel a mild rage building. I don’t know why but it jist really irks me. It’s like they’re comparing Father Christmas to something like lying about being they’re parents or something dramatic.

Personally I’d never deprive my kids of that excitement. The people that say they didn’t believe and don’t feel they missed out, obviously you can’t miss what you didnt have.

I’ve also never once looked at it like my parents lied to me. I find that so bizzare.
I’ll leave this post now as I know I’m being completely irrational.

imustbe I don't think you're being irrational. I feel exactly the same.

but you are telling your child something is true, a fact, when it is not

and for many parents they continue to insist it is true even when directly asked

so it is lying

pouty no sorry, I've worked with children and families who have experienced true trauma. Finding out your parents told a white lie about father Christmas to enhance your childhood does not constitute trauma.

In my case it was part of something deeper that was not handled well, but yes, issues with truth and Santa went on to be diagnosed as PTSD in my case.

But clearly I’m not real, because you won’t believe that.

There are some children (DD included) for whom truth is vitally important. Those children, it seems, don’t appreciate the Santa is real bollocks as much as parents believe they might.

www.theguardian.com/science/2016/nov/23/belief-in-santa-could-affect-parent-child-relationships-warns-study

I prefer to think of its as suspending disbelief.
Try it sometimes - it's wonderful.

I don't think you are being unreasonable in your decision to sell Santa as a story to your own children. I do think you ABU in judging other parents for what they choose to do.

Of course it is lying. It's saying something is true when it isn't. That is literally the definition of lying.
We enjoyed the father Christmas story as kids and never felt the need to believe in it to have fun. I mean you'd have to be a pretty daft child to believe literally in it past the age of about 5 anyway. It's pretty obvious once you grasp a few basic laws of physics.
Some people seem so desperate for 'magic' that they miss out on life's real, true wonder and joy.
Ignorance is not innocence.

pouty both my DSs are the same about truth (both have ASD traits). I am so glad that we made the decision not to say Santa was real before they were even born - they just would not have handled the realisation we weren't truthful.

Suspending disbelief is what you do with a story. Even (especially) when you know it is a story.

OP Google St Nicolas... that is where the Christian Santa story originates. So a story, some truth coupled with kindness and a less commercial approach to Christmas.

part of something deeper that's the important bit.

If you were truly traumatised by your parents telling you Santa was real then it's understandable you wanting to tell it as a story. I suspect that's not the case for most - it's more of a current trend in parenting.

For the majority of parents, the short amount of time their children believe in father Christmas is precious - one of the most joyful aspects of parenthood. Don't take that away or ruin it for others.

Been there done that. All the fun and magic of xmas with none of the lies. It works well. I have never understood why some parents insist to their children that it is literally true.

How would Saint Nicholas help?

Either you say that he existed in the past and is the basis for the story (as the OP is suggesting), or you claim that he literally comes to your house in the middle of the night (which he does not).

For the majority of parents, the short amount of time their children believe in father Christmas is precious - one of the most joyful aspects of parenthood.

^^ this

well there is a difference between santa is coming and an out and out lie, I do get that

But I do think when children are nine, ten, eleven, and are starting to question, continuing to insist he's real is a lie

Children do for the most part believe what their parents tell them

trills but as a child, just thinking there is possibility it could be real is magical. Something you can't replicate as an adult.

Tell it as a story to you children but understand some of us feel strongly the other way - I would be very upset if someone told my 4 year old father Christmas wasn't real.

I think by the time a child is 9/10 then they've pretty much figured it out for themselves and are playing along because of the excitement and joy that comes with it all?

Seems a bit selfish to me, it's a rite of passage getting excited on Xmas Eve and waking up Xmas day to see what santa had bought. Even as an adult some of my best memories are from when I was little waiting for santa on Xmas Eve.

I always knew it was just make believe as a child, just like when we went searching for fairies and goblins in the forest or when we crept over a bridge carefully incase we awoke any trolls. All of it was still magical and Christmas is still my favourite time of year.

Prettymuch every child i knew was just playing along even younger. About 7 on average.

We did the same, OP. We chose not to lead our DCs to believe that Santa exists as a real person.

So, neither of my children ever believed that Santa was real, in the same way that they never believed Spiderman or Mickey Mouse was real or that Thomas the Tank Engine could really talk.

They knew Santa was a storybook character but we still had fun Christmases and put sherry and a mince pie out for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer on Christmas Eve. It was just a game, which the DCs enjoyed playing along with.