To sell Santa as a story

[Iwontdosanta]

That is to say, make it clear it isn't 'real' but to still have fun with it.

Even if you present Santa as a story, kids will still behave as if they believe, in my experience. I've done this twice - once with Santa and once with the Dutch Sint. Each time I told the kids it was a story. Not half an hour later they were making detailed plans for the arrival of the man in red and behaving for all the world as if they believed he were really real. Kids ARE the magic. They don't need us to lie.

Damn, this is exactly experience too.

Those you you who object to this on the basis of not lying to your children. Do you tell the truth about everything? Because sometimes we have to lie to our children.

Because sometimes we have to lie to our children.

I haven’t found I’ve had to lie about much. It’s usually been something small and fleeting.

Creating a massive untruth every year that lasts for weeks/months is in a different league to me.

Exactly Dawn

The idea that Santa is the magic is rubbish in my view - for kids it is the presents, just like it is at birthdays

I disagreee. When I was young, birthdays and Christmas were both exciting of course, the presents, food, family and so on.

But I believed in Father Christmas, he didn’t bring all that much (stocking with small gifts) compared to our parents. But I will never forget the utter, utter joy of believing in true magic. The thrill of thinking I’d seen his sleigh in the sky on Christmas Eve (probably plane lights!), opening one eye in the night to see if he’d been yet, the rush of andrenaline in the morning waking up to see a half eaten mince pie.

I truly believed, and I’ve never know a feeling quite like it since. It was pure magic, pure joy, and had very little to do with the presents. I’m so grateful to my parents for allowing this magic.

It's funny to see how people are taking telling it as "the truth" as the default, and expecting that people need to have a "good reason" not to tell their children that Santa is real.

Telling the actual truth should be the default.
You don't need a good reason to tell the actual truth.
You need a good reason not to.
If you think that it'll be magic and fun for you and your kids, and that they won't mind that you lied, go ahead.
But you are the ones making the active choice to Do A Thing.

There are occasions where you need to lie to protect your children. As far as my son and neice are concerned my mum died of an illness. They are too young to be told she was murdered. This will be a recurring lie until they are old enough to understand domestic violence. Telling them at aged 4 and 6 wouldn't be a good idea.

Magic tooth dust sounds almost sensible, but why is she paying you, when she's doing you a service?

WHoops wrong thread

We sold it like a religious belief. Some ppl believe he's real and we have to respect that. They've not told one child he's not real, but believe it's a nice story.

I'm with you OP. It didn't sit well lying to my kids. How does that build a secure, trusting relationship?

Christmas is about family, memories, giving gifts and sharing great food, not Santa. A lovely story, but not what Christmas is actually about.

Blaa, I understand why you lied in the case of you mum. I can’t think of any occasions where I’ve had to lie to my children though.

I've always thought that Santa is incredibly stupid and pointless. I honestly don't get the 'magic'. Maybe I was always destined to be a scientist.

/a massive grinch

This argument has come up every year for the last 15 years!

In RL everyone I know buys into the Santa magic. On here, however, it seem to be decried as lying to your children. Sod it! I'm happy to lie

But those occasions may arise and if your blanket policy is we don't lie to our children about anything then what happens?
Not believing in santa because that's your family tradition is one thing but saying it's because you don't believe in lying to children is disingenuous because there are occasions when that's appropriate.
Some people believe that 'lying' about Santa is worth it because of the joy and magic it can add to childhood. By playing the 'we don't lie to our children' card you are expressing judgement on those that choose to tell their young children Santa is real.

I think that’s totally fine. They are children so the line between real and story is blurry. I must admit I feel uncomfortable with bugging Santa up and directly saying he does this and that. So I rarely directly indicate he’s real. I think kids have the same capacity to derive great excitement and joy out of the story and make believe as out of the flat out lie.

FWIW op, I think you are handling it beautifully.

YANBU.
Our DCs have always known that Christmas presents come from parents / GPs / uncles etc.
They have never ruined it for other children (DC1 is nearly 12).
They adore Christmas and we have a lovely time every year.

Blaa, I didn’t personally say that I don’t tell my kids Santa isn’t real because I don’t want to lie to my children, I know others have but I can’t answer for them. I haven’t actually told my kids outright that Santa isn’t real but I’ve treated it the same as all of the other make believe magic we have in our lives.
If they asked me outright I would tell the truth but they haven’t because I think they like the fun of playing. They’ve also never asked me if trolls really live under bridges but I think they know it’s all a game.
With regards to other lies I tell my children as much truth as I think is appropriate for their ages and just leave out what I think is inappropriate.
I think Santa can be just as magical without outright lying though.

But those occasions may arise and if your blanket policy is we don't lie to our children about anything then what happens?

I don’t think you can have a blanket policy like that. Nobody is advocating telling a 4 year old a relative was murdered.

DD has experienced quite a lot of death in her short life. She asked me if I would die. I didn’t lie to save her feelings - we all die. I just said I would, because we all do, but hoped it wouldn’t be for a long time, and that it wasn’t something she needed to be worried about.

Not lying doesn’t mean giving distressing details of everything.

If my DD is old enough to ask a question she’s old enough to have an age appropriate answer.

So with Santa we’ve never said he does or doesn’t exist. DD is free to decide. Many children are told he’s real and never really get that choice.

3 I wasn't specifically referring to you. Apologies if it read that way. I was taking about those who seem to be taking the moral high ground.

Although, like previous posters I've never come across a parent in real life who doesn't go along with the whole santa thing. It definitely appears to be another of those MN things!

I definitely know people who were hurt and upset to discover that their whole family had been 'in on the joke' pretending that Santa was real. OP, I think you can have a lot of fun with including your children in the pretending, without spoiling any of the magic of Christmas.

Maybe lots of mumsnetters live in sw London because I know lots of parents who don’t insist that he’s real.