To sell Santa as a story

[Iwontdosanta]

That is to say, make it clear it isn't 'real' but to still have fun with it.

There are a lot of sheep.

Personally I think Santa teaches a higher truth about the magic, generosity and love that there is in the world.

Humans are creatures of stories and myths. Insisting always on the literal truth without acknowledging this seems a bit gradgrind to me.

But each to his own. I couldn't care less what anyone else does so long as it doesn't interfere with what I teach my children.

3 maybe ......up north Santa is definitely real 😉🎅 ho ho ho

It’s pretending for fun. Lying makes it sound like a nasty act, because we all know lying is bad.

And yet we all pretend with our kids. Or do these parents never pretend their kids are invisible (who said that?!), or laugh when they hear their kid tell an ancient joke? Do they play hide and seek and immediately find their kid behind the curtains and tell them that actually their artwork looks nothing like a rabbit? I bet not. Nothing like smug piety over Santa though, eh?

I wish in a way we had used this Santa is a story option as my daughter us autistic and would have made more sense to her. As it is she is at secondary school and still sort of believes but i think deep down in her heart she knows he isnt but wants to pretend he is and was gutted when she discovered the tooth fairy and easter bunny were not real.

noble, you can still play Santa but not ramp it up so much that they completely believe. And if they ask say it’s make believe, just like fairies goblins and trolls. I still loved Santa and my children do too.

But each to his own. I couldn't care less what anyone else does so long as it doesn't interfere with what I teach my children.

But that doesn’t work the other way. Nice.

It’s pretending for fun. Lying makes it sound like a nasty act, because we all know lying is bad

I don't think anyone is saying that it's nasty, but different children react differently to finding out the truth, and some find it hurtful. I did (but there was other stuff behind that too, so it was just one more thing). I've never forgotten how that felt, 40 years on.

I think taking the it's a story line keeps it fun but eliminates potential hurt.

you can still play Santa but not ramp it up so much that they completely believe.

Half believe? Quarter believe? how do you gauge the acceptable level of belief and dial it back if they get to a level you consider over excited? “Ok we left a bite mark in the carrot so we have to leave the price sticker on the present?

Kids generally want to believe in magic if it’s fun.

But that doesn’t work the other way. Nice.

How am I interfering with what anyone else does?

I'm not in London. We don't do santa as a 'real person'.

Noble, I guess I just use the same playful tone that I use when we hunt gruffalows or hide from the troll or fight the invisible goblins! I don’t tell them that Santa won’t give them presents if they do t behave and if they asked I’d tell them it’s a magical game. My parents never told me, I just knew because of the time of it I guess.

Tone not time! I’m not against people telling their kids. I just don’t think that if you don’t you can’t have a magical and joyful Christmas. I adore Christmas and all things magical. Sometimes I set my children’s teddies up in funny scenes when they’re out (though the battle scene did not go down well!) .

The story of St Nicholas is just fabulous! There are lots of really good children's books which tell the story of St Nicholas, about how he was real, about how he loved Jesus and tried to be like him in terms of loving people, giving, sharing etc. The fabled bits of the story include the gold coins being thrown down the chimney and landing in the stockings hanging to dry by the fire, bringing it all together to really understand the origins of Santa Claus (contraction of St Nicholas) and how we can carry that through today in terms of present giving, the traditions of hanging up stockings and chocolate coins etc. The reality is far better than anything else and saves any heartache over whether you are lying to children, agonising over when to tell them etc.

saves any heartache over whether you are lying to children, agonising over when to tell them etc.

I've never met a single person IRL who 'agonises' over this or experiences 'heartache' over what to tell their kids. It's only in the alternative reality of mumsnet that this is even discussed.

Are you actually for real using language like this?

Though I agree with you that the story of st Nicholas is amazing.

I've never met a single person IRL who 'agonises' over this or experiences 'heartache' over what to tell their kids. It's only in the alternative reality of mumsnet that this is even discussed
Agreed!!!

I was devastated when I found out Santa wasn't real. I kept up the pretence for about three years and pretended I still believed. When I eventually came clean and told my Mum that I knew she was Santa she got really upset and told me to keep pretending I didn't know.

Although saying that, my Mum also genuinely made me believe that we were both witches and I was 100% convinced without a shadow of doubt that I could fly on a broom.

I don’t remember ever fully truly believing, I just went along with it because it seemed like the adults wanted me to. I loved Christmas, found it very magical and got very excited and swept up in the spirit. Knowing Santa isn’t real didn’t spoil that for me.

However I had enough of a niggling doubt that he WAS real that I begged my mum to write in my letter to Father Christmas that he absolutely must NOT come into my room, my “stocking” (a pillow case) must be left downstairs. I found the notion that an old strange man crept into sleeping chirldrens bedroom terrifying.

On lying. I do think there's something slightly unnecessarily sanctimonious about the admonitions from non-Santa-pretenders that the Santa pretence is lying. That said, I don't out-and-out lie to my children. Part of respect and reliability - and children need both - is fidelity to the truth. There is almost always a gentle yet honest way to communicate everything.

In our house Santa is a game, a story, and actually quite a small, almost an incidental part of Christmas. 'Magic' comes from elsewhere. From the gentle buildup (we live in a country where St Nicholas is celebrated and Advent is a very defined season), from the dark streets and towns being lit up with lights, from carols and getting out the (few but special) decorations to do the tree. From the joy of presents appearing overnight (however they got there) and of feeling loved and thought about.

I struggle with a lot about Santa. I find the idea of naughty lists/him being used for behaviour control quite distressing, tbh. I also think that it's a bit of a prosperity gospel, frankly. Not easy for children to reconcile the 'magic' of Santa who loves children and wants to make them happy with the messages they will also be hearing (and rightly so) of poor children who will not get anything at Christmas. A good story, though - treated as a story - is a source of delight.

So with Santa we’ve never said he does or doesn’t exist. DD is free to decide. Many children are told he’s real and never really get that choice.
I like this way of putting it, let children choose if they want to believe.

@LaurieMarlow and @BaaBaaBaa - heartache and agony - agreed - oly here, just going with the flow of angst that seems to pervade. I have neither though. However, I have been taken to task by other parents when mine have freely discussed their St Nicholas story books with peers and have caused said peers to question the veracity of Santa. And there was the beyond ridiculous mother at our school bus stop who still has an 11yo who believed and did actually agonise over whether to tell her in advance of going to secondary. I like to think that she is the exception that proves the RL rule of there not being agony or heartache.

I don't think I ever believed he was real but I still enjoyed Christmas as a child

ll the story of St Nicholas, about how he was real, about how he loved Jesus and tried to be like him in terms of loving people, giving, sharing etc.

Balls to that. I like religion even less than I like Santa (and you can be loving, giving and sharing quite happily without religion ;))

My twins are only a year old but coming up to their first Christmas at home and so DH and I were discussing this - I personally don’t see why a child needs to ‘believe’ in Santa, I didn’t as a kid and it never ruined Christmas for me, I was raised by my grandparents who worked damned hard to provide gifts for us and so my grandfather didn’t want some “made up b***d” getting the credit :’) :’) his words not mine!

He did make sure however that we didn’t ruin other kids Christmas’ by telling them Santa wasn’t real and we didn’t really get why but listened all the same.

DH was completely opposite, was the kid who perhaps believed in Santa a bit longer than he’s happy to admit as an adult and adored Christmas just as much... so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. It really just comes down to you and your family - if they get to enjoy Christmas either way then it’s doing no harm.

We have had to compromise as DH wants the twins to believe in Santa when they’re a little older but I don’t want them to think all the gifts they might get from us or other relatives are the work of some make believe character. So we’re going to tell them Santa brings them one ‘big’ present a year as he’s got all the other children to see to, the rest are from family :’)