To think this is rude?

[impossiblecat]

Me: do you want to do this thing at x time?

Friend: I'd love to, but can we make it Y time?

I then have to rejig everything, including naps. She does it every time! We both have toddlers. Humph.

The conundrum of all conundrums!

I hate to say if OP but I'm with these guys ^^

YABVVVU

Cat I don't think it's rude, but it does sound as if she wants it all to revolve around her schedule. I think there is give and take in relationships, and if she is always calling the shots there is a power imbalance which isn't healthy.

You are getting a hard time OP. I totally get you. Annoying if every time your friend suggests a different time.

I'd prefer it if she just said she was busy as opposed to wanting me to rearrange stuff

But then you’d be crying on here that your friend is never free.

Have you just beamed here from other planet? As it’s the only reason anyone would think this isn’t a normal human interaction.

Most of my friends would kill themselves laughing at you OP

Organising a meet up would confuse the organisers of the Normandy landings in my circle and no-one behaves so preciously

If anyone flounced off proclaiming they had to keep changing their plans and iittsss not faaaaaiirrrrr they would get firstly a confused head tilt with a "huh? Who made you change plans ?" Then a cacophony of laughter followed by unending jokes about pinning people down and forcing them to agree to coffee and cake

Basically it would be the laughing stock

Grow up.... ultimately adults have lives and scheduling meetips is about communicating like an adult

Perhaps find a bloody hobby because spending so much thought on this is ridiculous....maybe take up knitting ?

This is how it works with most of my friends:

Fancy meeting up next week?
Yes, are you free Tuesday?
Sure, shall we say 11am at Costa?
Great, see you there.

This is how it works with my friend who must rearrange every time:

Me: Fancy meeting up next week?
Friend: Yes I can do Tuesday or Wednesday, I'm free all day
Me: Great, let's say Tuesday but it will have to be after 11am, I can get to yours for 11.15am
Friend: Can we make it 12.15 instead?

Then I get a text the night before/ that morning asking can we change it to 12.45.

Whatever time is suggested she adds on an hour and then changes it again. I do value her friendship but she's the only person I know who does this and it's every single time we make arrangements. I don't sit fretting over it but I know to always factor in that hour or ninety minutes when we first discuss it, I absolutely think it's about control.

Wonders if OP ever manages to negotiate a group meet up

A: Shall we go out? How about the 25th Dec?
B: Oh, I'm busy that night, how about the 26th?
C: I can do the 25th but not the 26th
D: How about the 27th?
etc etc

Group eventually saves 15th March on their calendars as it hasn't filled up yet

It is irriating if someone regularly rearranges established plans (had an NCT group member do this to get arrangements to conform to her prescriptive requirements, when everyone else accepted straight off that not all meet ups were going to work for them). I have family that dominates plans to their routines, tedious but not worth challenging as it's usually viable and certainly isn't rude that they take the lead.

If her suggested amendment doesn't work for you, just negotiate so it's mutually acceptable

Imposible Cat indeed!

If I organise something, I expect people to come at this time, if someone else organises stuff, I make it to their time or say I can't.