Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude?

158 replies

impossiblecat · 04/12/2018 14:38

Me: do you want to do this thing at x time?

Friend: I'd love to, but can we make it Y time?

I then have to rejig everything, including naps. She does it every time! We both have toddlers. Humph.

OP posts:
overnightangel · 04/12/2018 14:52

@impossiblecat
I have news for you . The world
Doesn’t revolve around you.
It’s you that sounds like the one that’s hard work, don’t be so precious (and spoilt)

Pastaagain78 · 04/12/2018 14:52

No, not rude. You are planning together. Just say that time doesn’t work for me, how about xx time?

MummySharkDoodoododoo · 04/12/2018 14:53

I agree with the others, she wasn't being rude and the only one being difficult is you!

Original poster
impossiblecat · 04/12/2018 14:54

No it revolves round my (ex?) friend.

OP posts:
SillyMoomin · 04/12/2018 14:54

ugh. You're not listening @impossiblecat

YOU ARE THE ONE BEING ODD ABOUT THIS

Everyone has disagreed with you and said your friend is not being rude

SillyMoomin · 04/12/2018 14:55

oh god, I bet you're one of those passive aggressive numpties who will now write something on Facebook like "sad face", expecting people to say "oh no, what's up hun??" as you then cryptically reply "I'll pm you" to keep the drama going

tabulahrasa · 04/12/2018 14:55

Eh?

How else are you supposed to find a time that works for both of you?

You suggested a time, it didn’t suit her so she suggested another one...

If that didn’t suit you, you then answer with another time, or what times you are free or another day...

That’s kind of how planning things works?

Original poster
impossiblecat · 04/12/2018 14:56

It doesn't make sense though.

I spend three and a half years always meeting at times that suit her and never me- and I'm the one who is BU? You what?

If I stopped agreeing to meet at times that suit her but not me, would I still BU?

OP posts:
OrdinaryGirl · 04/12/2018 14:57

You need to do what works for you. She's doing what works for her. More women need to do what works for them.
Think how lovely and calm you will feel!

SillyMoomin · 04/12/2018 14:57

How is she meant to blinking know that the times she suggests to you are not suitable for you unless you TELL HER??

You're making me enraged.....

KonaMum · 04/12/2018 14:58

God you’d hate me. Sometimes I even have to message and say ‘can we make it half an hour later, DS has just started screaming for a feed’ as I’m due to leave the house! 😬

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2018 14:59

OMFG - SHE DOESNT KNOW THE TIMES SHES SUGGESTED ARE NOT CONVENIENT FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOUVE NEVER TOLD HER.

mostdays · 04/12/2018 14:59

She's not being rude, like you wouldn't be rude to say "no sorry that time won't work for me".

tabulahrasa · 04/12/2018 14:59

“I spend three and a half years always meeting at times that suit her and never me”

Is she supposed to psychically know they didn’t suit you, but for some unknown reason you agreed anyway?....

Original poster
impossiblecat · 04/12/2018 14:59

If I wanted to do the thing three hours later/earlier I would've suggested it in the first place.

It's ok, I've given up asking her. Would rather she just said no in the first place!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/12/2018 15:01

So rather than have an adult conversation and find a time that fits you both you will just not see her? Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face

MorningsEleven · 04/12/2018 15:01

Grow up.

MuddyMoose · 04/12/2018 15:02

I will never understand someone who asks if they are being unreasonable, are told yes they are & then they spend the whole post arguing that they are not. Don't bother asking for people opinions if you don't want to hear them

Original poster
impossiblecat · 04/12/2018 15:04

How the hell is it supposed to work though, if nobody is willing to compromise? Surely it shouldn't always be one side?

OP posts:
NoThankyouHun · 04/12/2018 15:04

I never get people that obsess about times with babies/toddlers. Naps at a set time and food at a set time time. It's making a rod for your own back. Take a chill pill Grin

SillyMoomin · 04/12/2018 15:04

Worst thing is, op clearly hasn’t read a single F*CKING RESPONSE but she’s still thinking she’s right

Sirzy · 04/12/2018 15:05

unless you open your mouth and say “that’s no good for me” then how would she know though?

ErictheGuineaPig · 04/12/2018 15:07

But... But have you really never replied saying 'actually that time doesn't work for me, can we make it x or y instead?'

Honestly this is how planning to meet people often works. She can't make the time you suggest but still wants to see you so offers an alternative. It's then down to you to accept or decline. It's pretty normal interaction.

tabulahrasa · 04/12/2018 15:08

“How the hell is it supposed to work though, if nobody is willing to compromise?”

Want to do this thing at this time with me?

Ooh, I’d love to do that thing with you, but I can only do this other time...

Ah, I’m not free at your other time, I’m free till/ maybe another day?/ ah maybe we’ll leave it just now then...

Until you arrive on a mutually compatible time or decide it’s not going to work...

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/12/2018 15:08

Are you reading these replies op????

Conversation should go:-

OP: Shall we do x at y time?

Friend: oh I can't do that time, can we make it z time?

OP: oh that's a shame I can't make z time, could you make any other time? If not maybe another day!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.