To think this is rude?

[impossiblecat]

Me: do you want to do this thing at x time?

Friend: I'd love to, but can we make it Y time?

I then have to rejig everything, including naps. She does it every time! We both have toddlers. Humph.

I had a friend (ex friend now) who used to do this with knobs on.
Me: me and polly and Jane are going to x park on Tuesday at 3pm, want to come along?
Her: yes that'd be great.
Ten minutes later.
Her to the entire group: let go to swimming on wed at 10 instead.
Me: I can't do wed, cos I work as you well know I'm still going on Tuesday if anyone is interested.

But I have been re-arranging stuff! That's the point. I do, she never does.

I'm either a martyr or spoilt 😀

What's the point in posting on here for advice on whose being unreasonable? Everyone has said you are the one being unreasonable and you're not accepting one single word that's been said. YABU. If the time she suggested doesn't suit you, message her back saying 'sorry I can't make that time, can you suggest another time you're free?' Or something similar. Your friend is not being rude

But does she know you're having to rearrange? Or that you have a problem with rearranging? Or are you just pretending that the time she suggests is fine.

Are you always suggesting things at the same times? Like always at 11 or 1 or something? If so she's probably getting annoyed that you don't get that shes busy at that time.

YOU NEVER LET HER KNOW YOU WANT TO REARRANGE! Fuck me. 🤯🔫

She asks me to rearrange every time. Every time I do. How does that make me spoilt or whatever?

BUT YOU DONT TELL HER YOU WANT TO ARRANGE THE TIME DIFFERENTLY.

Is she a mind reader?

When she suggests a different time, you need to say that you can't do that time if you don't want to rearrange. Nobody can make you rearrange anything. If you can't or don't want to do the time she suggests then tell her!! That's what everyone else on here does.

She doesn't need to rearrange, because she never agreed to the time you proposed. You also don't need to rearrange, because you never agreed to the time she proposed. You seemingly are just rearranging off your own back instead of being honest and saying you're busy.

OMFG

What stuff are you rearranging? And how’s she supposed to know if you’re not telling her about this mysterious stuff you have on but is somehow moveable?

Why are you shouting? She asks me to rearrange things. So saying that she doesn't know, doesn't really make sense, does it?

The key being she ASKS. Asking someone isn’t a demand and it opens the option to say “that’s no good for me”

It’s what adults tend to do when communicating

If someone always wants to change arrangements like this, it's often a control mechanism. Of course there's no issue with suggesting an alternative arrangement in a particular situation, for a reason, but when someone always wants to change for - apparently - change's sake? Avoid

Doing it every time tho, surely that is taking the piss?

This is all theoretical mind you, as I'm not suggesting anymore activities.

Tell us how the conversation goes then.

Is it:

You: want to meet for coffee at x time?
Her: I can only make y time
You: I can't make that time, I have stuff on
Her: you'll just have to rearrange because I can only do y time

Or

You: want to meet for coffee at x time?
Her: I can't do x, can we make it y?
You: sure, see you then

If the former she is rude. If the latter she isn't and that's an entirely normal interaction

Why are you shouting? She asks me to rearrange things.

So why don't you say 'no how about 1pm?' Or just 'no, i cant'?

So when she says "Let's do y time instead" do you say "OK yes" or "That's a bit late/early for me. Is there another time that suits us both?"

I think people here are being a bit odd. Yes, if every time, someone always wants to change the time and this has gone in for years, then YES, it’s a pain. There are people like this - everything has to be on their terms, everything becomes about them, and everybody ends up changing stuff to fit in.
Yes of course OP can say no. But the fact is, there are people who think yes, ok, I can move stuff around no problem. And then there are people who think, right ok, you can change stuff to fit in with me. The nice people go along with it, and then at some point realise that actually, this is unfair, because it KEEPS happening. Like the OP has.

Maybe she thinks your're rude for suggesting times that don't work for her every time for three years?

Your coming across as a bit of a brat op. How can she address the issue if you never tell her? Maybe if you said no I can’t change the time she would rearrange her day. You don’t know she’d never agree to compromise cos you never give her the chance too.

Have you ever told her no?

OP you are mad! But congratulations on uniting the MN community!

@impossiblecat you maybe need to grow up a little bit

That is a completely normal exchange OP. Have you ever made plans with anyone else before?

Is she a mind reader?

That would be a great drip feed, wouldn't it? "Well, she is a professional psychic."