To think this is rude?

[impossiblecat]

Me: do you want to do this thing at x time?

Friend: I'd love to, but can we make it Y time?

I then have to rejig everything, including naps. She does it every time! We both have toddlers. Humph.

If I were your friend I would not have the slightest idea that you were pissed off at me. I think it's ok to suggest a different time, but if that's not convenient for you I'd expect to keep trying to find a suitable time that worked for both of us. I wouldn't know there was a problem if you always agreed to whatever time I'd suggested.

No, I genuinely don't get it.

I'm BU if I compromise and BU if I expect her to. Can't win.

Me: Do you fancy the pub at 7pm?

Friend: Oh i'd love to but can we make it 8pm?

Me: Yes of course see you there OR oh that makes it a bit late for me, let's do it another time

It's quite easy......

YABU, what your friend is doing is not rude.

This is absolutely the last time I'm saying this op. Read it carefully.

You are not giving her the chance to 'give'.
She does not know that her time is not also suitable for you.

Ok, maybe not rude but it does make continuing any relationship beyond social media a bit impossible.

Symptom of modern life maybe

What are you compromising?

I wouldn’t take time off work, or move medical appointments... things like school run times are pretty fixed.

What else is there that’s needing compromised?

You both compromise

You talk like adults

You don’t expect your friend to be able to read your mind

Have you ever said, oh actually no I really wanted to do it at 10am (or whatever original time was)?

Do you have other friends op? What are they like with organising stuff?

It's hardly brexit is it? Surely it can be sorted

I’m guessing she has no idea it annoys you so much since she says it isn’t convenient, suggests another time, and you oblige by agreeing to that. She isn’t being rude though.

Why would you nod along and say yes to someone asking if a different time is OK?
Is your friend supposed to be psychic or something?
Seems bizarre to agree then grumble it's not to others! TELL her it doesn't work for you, and could you do it another time!

This is why life can be too difficult and unpleasant. Too many people like op around.

I think I detect a whiff of martyr.

It's a dialogue.

A:Do you want to meet for coffee at 10 am?
B: I'd love to meet for coffee, but Archibald naps at 10 am, what about 11.45 am?
A: Oh, shame, no good. Lulabelle has lunch and a sleep at 12.15pm!
B: Hmm, ok, are you free in the afternoon, say 2pm?
A: Perfect, let's say Costa?
B: Great! See you then!

See?? Talking, communicating, compromising.

How are you getting 'no compromise' from peoples replies?? They are literally explaining a situation where there is compromise. At present your friend has no idea that what she is suggesting does not work for you so she has no idea she needs to compromise. She suggests an alternative time and you agree to it. A compromise would be where you don't agree to it and then you both come up with a time that works for both of you. Which is what we have all just described...

Alternative titles for this thread:

AIBU to think my friend should be able to read my mind
AIBU to want things my own way all the time

But you're not even trying to compromise! It's ok to have some back and forth while you work out what works for both of you. You're the one who's being inflexible here.

Some people are not very flexible. I hear you op. It IS annoying.

But.., It all depends on how much your friend means to you really doesn't it?

I have a friend whose soooo specific about when she can meet up. She hardly works at all and has one kid. I have 2 and work full time - but I just make the time to see her. Yes it's annoying but she's one of my best mates and we've been friends forever. It's just the way she is.

She misses out on lots of stuff by being like this IMO. And life is just too short to get that upset over it 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP - please slow down and read this:

Your friend is NOT refusing to compromise, as you haven't asked her to! She doesn't know that her preferred time doesn't suit you.

Use your words - "sorry Janet, 2pm doesn't work for me, are you sure you can't manage 11am?"

You seem to be determined to make this into an issue - your friend has zero idea this is bothering you as you always say it's fine to whatever she suggests.

I wonder if your friend gets annoyed that you always suggest the same time without even asking if it works for her?

Anyway, I just remembered you are a real person with real feelings and not just words on a screen. I hope you sort it out 😊

You sound spoilt and hard work. Maybe your friend is trying to give you a hint OR as everyone else has said she isn’t a bloody mind reader. Why should she change her schedule to suit you anyway?

I think you are annoyed because u expect her to put more effort in making things work.

Occasionally it would be nice if she rearranged hers (plans), that's the point.

Why should she, you've come up with something when she has already arranged something
You're not 're arranging anything , you're fitting her in when it's convenient to you?