To think this is rude?

[impossiblecat]

Me: do you want to do this thing at x time?

Friend: I'd love to, but can we make it Y time?

I then have to rejig everything, including naps. She does it every time! We both have toddlers. Humph.

How does it work?
Well...

'Shall we meet at 2pm'
'Can't do 2 but could do 3'
'Arg. I can't do 3, but could do 4.'
'Cool. See you at 4.'

If line 4 is
'No, can't do 4.'

Then
'Ok, no worries. Maybe next week.'

Ah I see the problem, you suggest the time that suits you bit don't give a reason why, she says could we make it a different time, you go along with it and go at the time that suits the friend and never say a word.
Is that the way it goes?

I’ve got a friend who does this. We’re not talking rearranging things because of a genuine reason, everyone does that now and again. This is more of a control thing and she does it every single time. I’ll suggest meeting up, friend chooses day and time. The night before or on the morning she will text me to change the time by thirty minutes or an hour or whatever. It’s the sort of thing that once you’ve realised she’s doing it then you notice it every single time. If I suggest 1pm she’ll say 1:30pm. If I say 1:30pm she’ll say 2pm. Then l will get a text on the day pushing it back. I don’t know anyone else who does it.

You think her asking if you can do it at a different time is offensively impolite? I wish people didn't use the word rude for people just doing things different to how you would.

Not getting this at all OP, unless you are a dreadful martyr?

Trying to be helpful, this is how the convo would go in my world if the time I suggested was the only time I could do it.

Me: Hi Z, do you want to go to the zoo on Saturday. I am leaving at 9 and will be back by 3.30

Z: I would love to but I we will have to leave later because I can't get away until 11.

Me: Oh sorry, that doesn't work for me, I will let you know next time I go though. Bye.

All the replies so far would end up with nobody doing anything with anyone. Nobody compromises, nobody makes any effort and possibly goes some way to explaining why a lot of friendships fall by the wayside as people have kids, het high pressure jobs etc.

“The night before or on the morning she will text me to change the time by thirty minutes or an hour or whatever.”

That’s different from doing it at the planning stage though...

How about "Hi, would you like to do x thing? When suits you? I'm thing y time ish"

Then she replies "Yes please. z time works better for me"
You reply "Fab! Do you think we could make it a little later/earlier if poss?"

Sorted

@twentypencemore exactly! It's wearing after awhile.

How do you mean? Are you saying there would never be a time when you were both free at the same time?

If so I think she is trying to tell you something. Sorry

But you've not asked her to compromise! Or even given any indication that the times she suggests aren't convenient for you!
Maybe she thinks you're unreasonable because you always suggests 10am when you know from previous conversations that 11am always works better for her.
Jeez, just talk with her!!!!!!

So, OP, you make plans with no knowledge of your friends schedule. Your friend is supposed to magically know that the time you suggested is the only convenient time for you. You never let her know that her alternate times are a problem for you. Now you resent her.
She's better off without you.

“All the replies so far would end up with nobody doing anything with anyone.”

And yet they don’t...

I manage to plan things all the time...

And you never compromise? Ever?

Why did you post op? Everyone has said your friend is being reasonable, and you are not. Has that registered with you at all?

This is just a normal way to arrange something.

One person suggests a day and time, the other one says if they can make it/suggests another time. Then you can obviously say another time if you can't make their suggestion.

You're being unfair and quite weird.

And you never compromise? Ever?

Compromise? Yes

Rearrange nap times? No

But OP if she suggests a different time and you agree to it, how does she ever know that it was that much trouble to you to have to rearrange your day? For all she knows the time is fine with you.

Op, have you ever talked to her about this?

Sometimes threads are just like a hitting your head on a virtual brick wall!

Well that would basically be accusing said friend of being rude but you're all telling me she's not. So why would I do that?

“And you never compromise? Ever?”

Compromise what? I’m either available or I’m not... I assume the other person is the same and we find a time that works for both of us.

Or occasionally I suppose we might not if it was something that only happened at a set time and we weren’t free.

Oh just walk away op before one of us creates and designs time travel for the sole purpose of travelling through your laptop screen to shake you

You're doing this deliberately, aren't you?

Or you accept that your schedules are incompatible and give up.

Seems a bit sad though, bit of give and take is usually considered a good thing.