Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To leave DD16 home alone a couple of nights a week?

154 replies

SomewhereNow · 04/12/2018 14:27

She’s completely happy with it, I’m 20 mins away and we’re in touch on and off the whole time I’m not there. Sometimes she stays by herself, sometimes her boyfriend stays over (his parents are fully aware and he also stays when I’m there). Her dad is 10 mins away and in a real emergency there are several close neighbours she could call on. She’s very mature and sensible but I’m slightly worried I’m taking advantage of this. AIBU and a rubbish parent or is this fine at her age?

OP posts:

Kristingle · 04/12/2018 15:31

Yes it’s fine to leave her home with her bf.

Though if she was my 16 year old I’d be encouraging her to get an implant as well as using condoms .

legolimb · 04/12/2018 15:34

I can't believe that it's even an issue to some posters

I was left home alone at that age for a week at a time when parents and uihnger siblings went on holidays. I worked at 16 so stayed home and looked after the house and dog. Of course I had my boyfriend/s over. Who wouldn't? But I was perfectly happy to be in charge and loved the freedom.

Subsequently Ieft DS for the odd night alone at 15. The difference being that he could easily contact me if necessary as we now have mobile phones.

If she says she doesn't like being alone over night then May be reduce the amount of nights but it doesn't sound like she is worried.

EdisonLightBulb · 04/12/2018 15:41

I would be OK, I left my DS at that age with his friend of the same age whilst his friend's parents and myself and DH went away for a couple of days.

We kept in touch all the time, had grandparents a short walk away, good friends with 3 miles away and they both stayed at our friends' house that had CCTV that you could watch on your phone. We knew they were where they said they were, when they said they were.

Do you trust her? if so, and she is sensible and she is safe then it's fine.

3timeslucky · 04/12/2018 15:42

I wouldn't. The odd time at a weekend, yes. Several times a week on a weekly basis, no.

I don't personally know anyone who left home at 16 so maybe that influences me.

Alann01 · 04/12/2018 15:44

She knows about the wardrobe monsters right?

Satsumaeater · 04/12/2018 15:46

I've never quite got the MN thing of "they're doing it anyway so lets make it easy for them". Firstly just because it's legal doesn't make it advisable. And secondly if you make it difficult there's a high chance they won't do it.

But on the plus side if her boyfriend is there she's not on her own.

Oh, there are still some people who just lose their minds completely at the idea of any woman willingly having sex - ignore them

16 is not a woman.

Roussette · 04/12/2018 15:48

I can't believe some posts on here where a 16 year old couldn't be left for a night?!

Good grief... I'm in my 60s, and I went off to a job and a flatshare at a town 40 miles from my home two months before my 17th birthday. I was 16, and it was a learning curve but a good one.

If she is genuinely fine with it... yes. If she isn't... no.

empmalswa · 04/12/2018 15:49

I've never quite got the MN thing of "they're doing it anyway so lets make it easy for them". Firstly just because it's legal doesn't make it advisable.

Ive never understood the anti sex brigade on Mumsnet. It's totally absolutely normal for 16yo's to have sex. They enjoy sex. It's ok.

Patriciathestripper1 · 04/12/2018 15:49

I was living on my own in a flat at that age. I don’t see a problem with it.

StirFriedBadger · 04/12/2018 15:52

Sorry if I've missed this but is she just 16 and in Y11 or nearer 17? DD1 is a mature 16 but as we get closer we get to GCSE'S her and her friends seem to need a lot of emotional support however mature they are.

Roussette · 04/12/2018 15:53

I do love threads like this. We've jumped from 'a night on her own' to that means she'll be experiencing parenthood herself shortly and/or joining a gang. And also the night on her own means the parent has given up on parenting totally. You gotta laugh...

empmalswa · 04/12/2018 15:53

I reeeaallly and truly wouldn’t have my daughters bf over to stay at the age of 16 (just like I wasn’t allowed to) and I hope to god my DDhas enough self respect not to do it in the back of a corsa and that age!!

If your DD ends up shagging in a Corsa it won't be because she is lacking in self respect. It will be because she is lacking in a safe secure place to have sex. Like her home.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 04/12/2018 15:54

I personally wouldn’t leave my 16 year old at home a couple of times a week every week just for a boyfriend but each to there own

Ohyesiam · 04/12/2018 15:54

Youmadorwhat I didn’t know that about Ireland.
So occasionally there must be a married 16 year old in school, which must be odd.

sophiec123 · 04/12/2018 15:57

My mum used to leave me to stay at her boyfriends house. I loved it! My friends would come and stay with me some nights and we'd goto school together in the morning (15 onwards).. it gave me a sense of responsibility and do believe that this is what allowed to me grow up and now run my own home with a partner and baby, most people my age wouldn't have a clue! As long as you're leaving her prepared for the next day (clothes money etc) then I don't see the issue.

Original poster

SomewhereNow · 04/12/2018 15:57

She’s 17 next year and at sixth form so thankfully GCSEs are done and dusted.

OP posts:

midsomermurderess · 04/12/2018 15:58

I couldn;t think of any reason why not, unless you know she can be irresponsible or silly. 16 is pretty grown up, isn't it?

3timeslucky · 04/12/2018 15:58

Youmadorwhat I didn’t know that about Ireland.
So occasionally there must be a married 16 year old in school, which must be odd.

No. Because the legal age for marriage is 18. (And sexual consent is 17.)

Roussette · 04/12/2018 15:59

My best friend back then was married and with a baby at 16. And yet we're honestly talking about not leaving a 16 year old for a night??

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2018 16:00

If your DD ends up shagging in a Corsa it won't be because she is lacking in self respect. It will be because she is lacking in a safe secure place to have sex. Like her home.

This ^^ X100

It's not like the OP's daughter is bringing every Tom, Dick or Harry home. She's in a committed relationship by the sound of it.

Not being able to have sex in a safe environment does not stop teenagers having sex.

It never has and it never will.

Floofboopborkandsnoot · 04/12/2018 16:03

I’m assuming by 16 you mean left school 17 soon 16 rather than still at school?

If your DD ends up shagging in a Corsa it won't be because she is lacking in self respect. It will be because she is lacking in a safe secure place to have sex. Like her home.

This ^^

Also wondering how many people would actually be against this if the OP just hadn’t mentioned it was because she was staying at a new boyfriends house rather than because of work.

Op, I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, youre allowed to have a life too and now your DD is older and able to cope on her own for a night there’s nothing wrong with you doing that. I would’ve killed to have my mum out the house for the night at that age. Not because I want to join gangs, have sex and do drugs, but just so I could watch what I want on telly and eat an obscene amount of cheese and pasta without being judged. I certainly wouldn’t be happy at having to go to my dads because I wasn’t trusted enough all of a sudden and if my mum had tried that I’d end up just resenting her for it.

InsomniacAnonymous · 04/12/2018 16:04

"I lived on my own at 16. Can't believe this is even worth discussing!"

Same here. Bloody ridiculous!.

Youmadorwhat · 04/12/2018 16:06

Well I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend over at 16 hell I wasn’t even allowed to go stay with a boyfriend I had at 18 and I never had sex in a corsa!! In fact I didn’t have sex until I was 18 and in university!! Hoping maybe pattern will follow!!

@Ohyesiam no that never happens because you can’t get married here until 18 and legal age for sex 17 🤷‍♀️

anniehm · 04/12/2018 16:06

I left mine at 17&15 for the whole weekend, didn't think twice about it. You are close by and would return home if needed, that's all that matters. I think this is less awkward than prematurely introducing a new partner. Plenty of parents have to leave them to work, in fact too many 16 year olds are parents!

Original poster

SomewhereNow · 04/12/2018 16:06

floof that’s exactly how I see it and I think DD does too, she’s really not the party type - barely even drinks - but a night with the tv to herself and whatever she wants for tea is her idea of heaven.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread