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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the “sod the housework” advice is really unhelpful

184 replies

cadburyegg · 04/12/2018 14:18

Just that really. We have a 3 yr old at 9 month old, I’m on maternity leave yet the advice is now to sod the housework and make memories with the kids. I struggle to keep on top of it all but the bare minimum I need to do is a load of laundry per day, washing dishes, preparing food, clearing work spaces etc because we all need to eat and wear clean clothes.

I think this advice should be changed to helpful tips on how to do bits during the day while making sure the kids get the attention they need. AIBU?

OP posts:
PoutySprout · 04/12/2018 14:20

but the bare minimum I need to do is a load of laundry per day, washing dishes, preparing food, clearing work spaces etc because we all need to eat and wear clean clothes.

Any reason it has to be you doing that?

gamerwidow · 04/12/2018 14:21

A bit, when people say did the housework they don’t really mean do nothing at all but just don’t stress if everything’s not perfect. So for example you do have to wash your clothes but ironing is optional etc.

StylishMummy · 04/12/2018 14:21

YANBU

It's a race to the bottom for some and almost a badge of honour how little they do around the house. I'm don't have show home standards and we're 'clean by lived in' but the pride in scumminess is awful

Personally I have pride in my house, my appearance and my DCs appearance - it takes maybe half an hour to an hour a day and is much better for mental health to live in a clean and tidy house

gamerwidow · 04/12/2018 14:22

Any reason it has to be you doing that?
True it doesn’t have to be the OP doing it but someone in the household does.

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 04/12/2018 14:23

If you have a partner then they should be doing some of it when they come home from work regardless of whether they come home every night or only at weekends. Looking after young children in today's Western societies is a full-time job

Also this is one of the reasons why all my SILs and sisters refuse to wash and iron their OH's clothes.

user1486250399 · 04/12/2018 14:24

YANBU

RangeRider · 04/12/2018 14:25

Any reason it has to be you doing that?
Because it's easier to press the button on the washing machine when you're at home on maternity leave than if you're out working all day?

JudasPrudy · 04/12/2018 14:28

Yeah there should be a middle ground. If your children are living in squalor with dog shit on the floor, walls thick with nicotine, Empty vodka bottles lying around then you probably shouldn't sod the house work.

Equally, if most of the house has been cleaned in recent memory, there's no obvious filth anywhere and you're really tired then put the zoflora down. Everyone has mess, that's just life.

KellyW88 · 04/12/2018 14:28

YANBU - I am currently in a one bedroom flat (the bedroom of which is now a glorified storage room with a bed in it) and 13 month old twins (working hard on getting moved but not easy D:) and I’m constantly embarassed and upset by how messy the place is (messy - not dirty though!) that it has me feeling low most of the time because I want to be able to look around at least once and not make a huge mental list of all that needs doing and it’s such an unending battle with clutter Blush

I’ve never been particularly ‘house’ proud

steppemum · 04/12/2018 14:29

Also this is one of the reasons why all my SILs and sisters refuse to wash and iron their OH's clothes.

I have always thought this was really odd.

we sort washing, so I do a dark load, do I leave dh's one dark shirt and two pairs of dark socks out for him to do in a wash by themselves? Or should he stick them in with his two white shirts and end up with grey shirts.
Either way it is just odd.
Chores should be shared. That doesn't mean I wash up my plate and you wash up your plate, that is what you do in bad student digs. No, it means, you do the wahing up, and I'll stick a load of wahsing in.
You put kids to bed while I pack dishwasher, you hoover while I cook, and so on.

forkinghellmate · 04/12/2018 14:31

Any reason it has to be you doing that?

FFS really? If your DH or DP is out working all day then I really think the person on mat leave should be the one doing their bit around the house?

Galavanting all day long then expecting the person who’s been working all day to do all the work is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

And this is in the age of shared mat/pat leave. Whoever is at home should be doing the lionsshare of the housework.

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 04/12/2018 14:32

YANBU, there is a happy medium between doing the skirtings twice a day with a bleachy toothbrush and living like Mr Trebus.

KellyW88 · 04/12/2018 14:34

Whoops clicked post without meaning to! Never been ‘house’ proud but since having DD and DS we have a LOT more visitors than ever before and would like not to feel embarrassed by the state of our home... at least not AS embarrassed... they’re lovely and understanding when they visit but when I ask for advice I get the same as you, the “don’t worry about it” reply D:

So I do the following:

Make sure any washing that needs doing is on first thing in the morning (despite the washing machine being only a few feet from the twins cot in the living room - only place it will fit!)

Get the twins to have morning nap

Put washing out to dry as quietly as humanly possible so as not to disturb nap.

When they wake - sort out their food for late morning/afternoon and have two hours playtime (thankfully they’re good at keeping each other entertained so long as I acknowledge them and smile and talk to them I’m allowed to carry on with chores)

Three out of five working days I will sweep/mop floors (all hardwood) - they seem to be messy again within minutes but for that little bit of time after I can be happy :’)

Wash pots in the late afternoon when twins are hopefully napping again.

Put dry washing away whenever possible.

That’s all I manage most days but it helps me to know I’m trying I guess? DH does dusting and general tidy up at the weekends :’)

PoutySprout · 04/12/2018 14:38

Galavanting all day long then expecting the person who’s been working all day to do all the work is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

So looking after 2 under 3 isn’t work?!

My OH worked away when DC was tiny, but when he was home we shared everything outside of his working hours. I was working while he was - childcare isn’t “gallivanting”.

JudasPrudy · 04/12/2018 14:38

' I really think the person on mat leave should be the one doing their bit around the house?

Galavanting all day long'

Galavanting! On maternity leave? Confused

PoutySprout · 04/12/2018 14:38

I know brexit has caused uncertainty, but we haven’t whizzed back to the 1950s, have we?

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2018 14:39

I don't think when people say 'leave the housework' they are referring to the day to day stuff which obviously needs doing. They are just saying to lower standards a bit re dusting, orderliness etc if required.

PoutySprout · 04/12/2018 14:39

I work longer hours than DH these days. I can still switch the washing machine on of an evening if I need to without a fit of the vapours.

SoyDora · 04/12/2018 14:41

I’m on maternity leave yet the advice is now to sod the housework and make memories with the kids

Whose advice? Surely most people do a bit of both?

PinkHeart5914 · 04/12/2018 14:41

I agree, it’s rubbish advice. Yes just live with crap everywhere and let it get worse becuase that will make anyone feel great living in a home like that.

People with children, sometimes more than 1 child Shock manage to put the wash on, clean dishes and run the hoover round. It’s not difficult, ok it might not be cleaned to professional standard but it’s clean. So your doing just fine as sounds like your home is clean to this standard

For me (3 dc 11 months, 2 years and 3 years)
Washing= Me or DH load and turn the machine on every other morning
Dishwasher= one of us always load it after dinner and switch it on
Dusting= I do it every morning, takes 10minutes while dc are playing
Hoover= everyday while the dc nap
Bathroom= the shower is sprayed with mr muscle after every use before we get out and then cleaned properly once a week or so. Toilet bleached most nights.
General tidying = Me or dh whizz round before bed every night and tidy toys/newspapers/post etc away

Some mess is expected is up have dc but things like dishes, washing clothing, bit of hoovering are non negotiable. A huge difference between mess and dirty

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 04/12/2018 14:46

@steppemum I don't tend to buy and wear white clothes and neither do most females in my family but the men do. As some of my brothers and BILs are vain and/or some do sport so are particular about how they're technical sports clothing is washed it is easier for the men to do their washing themselves. The bonus is they tend to be the ones who wash the household linens e.g. bedding, towels and as they are better at ironing, iron any that need doing as well.

Also some now have teen and adult children who do their own washing. The teens need to learn how to do household tasks themselves while the adult children have to have it emphasised they don't live in a hotel. The teens end up doing other people in the households washing and ironing, while with the adult children it depends on them.

Oh and my OH would do all the washing and ironing if I let him.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/12/2018 14:47

The attitude of "sod the housework" is why so many people live like pigs. It's disgraceful. Apparently it's perfect acceptable now to raise your family in a home that's nothing more than a skip.

Miscible · 04/12/2018 14:48

How do you manage to have a laundry load every day for three people?

blackcat86 · 04/12/2018 14:48

I recently read on MN someone stating unless OPs house was fit to be condemned then it's fine. Eh hell no, not with a new baby in the house. Yuck! Even on the most difficult days with DD I still get the washing done, sort out the dishwasher, do the bins and look after the cat. Homes don't need to be immaculate but they should be half way decent and most things don't take 10mins so are more than achievable whilst baby naps.

OhioOhioOhio · 04/12/2018 14:50

The best tip ever is to declutter. Honestly if it annoys you in any way get rid of it.

As someone here said, 'if you dont declutter you are simply rearranging everything'

Ive spent 18 months decluttering. I cant tell you how much easier everything is to keep tidy and clean now.