To think that the “sod the housework” advice is really unhelpful

[cadburyegg]

Just that really. We have a 3 yr old at 9 month old, I’m on maternity leave yet the advice is now to sod the housework and make memories with the kids. I struggle to keep on top of it all but the bare minimum I need to do is a load of laundry per day, washing dishes, preparing food, clearing work spaces etc because we all need to eat and wear clean clothes.

I think this advice should be changed to helpful tips on how to do bits during the day while making sure the kids get the attention they need. AIBU?

Tips on how to do bits everyday - clear up as you go along. Make beds first thing - my dcs made their own beds from about 3 (just pulling the duvet up). Have easy toy storage - baskets or boxes so you can just chuck things in and train 3 year old to do same (I remember we used to sing a “put it away” song). Tidy kitchen while you are feeding the kids (or while baby is in high chair at any rate), clean the bathroom while you are doing bath time, tidy the sitting room while the kids are watching a dvd, tidy their rooms when you are putting them to bed. Have a quick hoover round at the end of the day. One wash a day is easier to keep on top of than letting it all pile up (whites or darks whatever you have more of). It’s much easier if whoever is at home does this stuff - the person coming in from work can clear up after dinner, stack and empty the dishwasher, iron essential work clothes or whatever, but it’s pointless leaving tasks to pile up just to make a point. Personally I preferred us both to be able to have a couple of hours relaxing together at the end of the day rather than doggedly indulging in tit for tat housework. It won’t be perfect and you can’t expect it to be which is what I think is meant by “Sod the housework”. Living in a tip is good or noone’s mental health - least of all the person spending all day at home.

I just don’t care about housework. I try to make myself care but I don’t. I keep the place so it isn’t a health hazard but it isn’t spotless and I just don’t care.

Maybe I’m actually a man. Who can’t see dirt or something. But I just don’t care.

I agree it's rubbish advice. I became a single parent during my second pregnancy and once my baby was born I was always being told to forget about the house work and to sleep when the baby sleeps. So who was going to clean the house? Ensure my daughter had clean school uniform? Cook dinner for my daughter? Wash and sterilise the bottles? Not to mention the fact that living in a pigsty would have affected my frame of mind.

I try my hardest to keep a clean tidy house but it's a struggle with a clingy 1 year old who screams when I leave the room and when things get really messy and cluttered it makes me feel down and anxious. If I was to just sod the housework then I'm sure I would end up ill and why should my children have to live in a dirty messy house because I can't be bothered.

the housework threads on Mn continually appal me with their combination of judgementalism, equation of cleanliness with morality, self-congratulation ('Oh, I never sit down until 10 o'clock, until the floors are mopped and the lunchboxes and uniforms are laid ready') and internalised anxiety. ...

'Visitor-ready' houses are the all-year-round equivalent of 'bikini bodies', but other than the basics which need doing, you are at liberty to disregard both set of bollocks messages.

This, absolutely.

Loving the comment about “gallivanting” around with young children, . I must really be missing something. I have two pre schoolers with 16 months between them and would love to work out how to gallivant when I have them both alone. I can barely go for a wee!

Why laundry every day?

I agree OP. 'Spending quality time' with a baby or small child surrounded by dirty washing, dishes or piles of clutter is no fun. A routine (your routine, not the routine of wellbeing others) is what you need.

As for Any reason it has to be you doing that? My DH would have struggled somewhat to load the dishwasher, washing machine, tidy up the mess I made during the day from his office 10 miles away. Maybe I should have left at least some of it for him to do when he steps in the house after a 9/10 he day and an hour long commute? Lazy bugger should pull his weight after all... 

Why laundry every day? I personally find it easier to wash little and often so it feels less of a chore. Load or half load on first thing, hung on rack, dry by evening to fold and put away. I don’t have a dryer so it’s difficult to dry large quantities in one go. Before I had kids I was much more inclined to have a big clean on Saturday or Sunday and tackle everything at once, with small children or even just more members of the household that doesn’t really work - I don’t want to be dedicating a huge chunk of time to housework. If you are at home all day it’s much easier to do bits here and there to keep on top of things.

To be honest, everyone should be able to fit half an hour of housework in over the course of the day. It's hardly excessive and means you benefit from order and a tidy house.
Turning looking after children into a full-time job seems to be a modern phenomenon. I struggle to see how anyone could truthfully say they could not fit in 3 x 10 minute bursts in a whole day, but and would question their time management if they couldn't.

I struggle to see how anyone could truthfully say they could not fit in 3 x 10 minute bursts in a whole day, but and would question their time management if they couldn't.

I’m up at 6:30am and dropping DD at school at 8am before heading to work for around 8:30am. I work usually till 6-6:30pm then drive home for about 7pm. I feed us all, do homework/music practice with DD then get her to bed around 8:30-9pm. Then I spend an hour or more either working for a charity I chair, on admin for the business I own, reading through professional updates or studying. On the rare occasion there is none of this needing doing, I might have a bath for an hour and read a book/watch something on Netflix while I’m there. 10:30-11:30pm I’m making breakfast for me and lunch for DD, sorting out my clothes for next day, sorting out my work bag (because I hotdesk and can’t leave anything anywhere). I’m usually in bed around midnight and asleep by 12:30am.

That’s 5 days per week.

Where are there 3 10 minute slots for me to fit in unnecessary housework?

pouty, I don't think anyone is saying those that work full time should be doing housework- we're talking about someone who is on maternity leave or a SAHP.

Galavanting all day?!!

I take it you've not been on maternity/paternity leave then!
Whilst I agree that the person on maternity leave does do the majority (not all) of house work, being on maternity leave is anything but galavanting. It's sheer bloody hard work and I only have a 4 month old to deal with - never mind 2 under 3 like the OP!

But what op describes as 'the bare minimum' is not the bare minimum. It's her choice to do daily laundry for example when she doesn't have to. Or if one is bottle feeding rather than breast feeding there is more work involved in sterilising stuff etc. We all make choices.

To me "sod the housework" doesn't mean literally just leave it and live in squalor. My interpretation is that if you have a particularly rough night or whatever with the baby, then it's ok not to deep clean the bathroom the next day like you had planned, and to give your 3 year old fish fingers for tea... As in occasionally have a break and then get back on with day to day life and housework!
Personally I find the organised mum method useful for doing little bits often and keeping on top of stuff.
As for gallivanting on mat leave - depends on your job, your kids and how much support you have doesn't it? Today I went to toddler group with both kids, had my friend and her baby over for a coffee and cooked dinner. Easier than working full time for sure, but I wouldn't assume that my circumstances are applicable to everyone.

"And checking bank accounts? Really? There are apps for that. It takes seconds and you can do it anytime anywhere."

My bank sends me a statement every month and it takes about a minute to read it!
Maybe if someone's so rich that they make lots of interest all the time and they need to check it regularly :)

Pouty - why have you made your life so difficult? If I worked long hours and had a child no way would I do charity work EVERY day or have a sideline business. You sound like a workaholic.

It’s just how it’s evolved. My husband and I set up the business and he still consults through it. I don’t, but I do the accounts, VAT etc. Most of our household income comes in through the business, so I won’t be stopping that any time soon.

As for the charity, it has direct benefit to a lot of children including my own. I won’t do it forever, but for now it’s something I’m committed to.

We are a family of three, and I do at least a laundry load a day. Twice a week for the towels, bedsheets once a week (two loads), one load for the school uniforms - that's five before I even start on our clothes! Two sets of gym kit, a few pairs of pyjamas, that's another load. It's not hard to work it out

There's more in my family and I don't wash stuff as much as that. But each to their own. At least you're not moaning about it. Crack on.

Oh my days
I know exactly what you mean and have said the same on Team TOMM recently

Some people think you can cuddle your babies all day

Ridiculous

"As for the charity, it has direct benefit to a lot of children including my own. I won’t do it forever, but for now it’s something I’m committed to."

But you're not the only person who can do it surely? You're busy from 6.30 to midnight. What kind of life is that?
Are you maybe trying to avoid time to yourself to think? I always wonder why some people make themselves unnecessarily busy.

"Twice a week for the towels, bedsheets once a week (two loads)"

That's not necessary is it?

We do try to reduce the laundry as much as I can. 3 year old gets mucky especially at nursery so often his whole outfit at the end of the day goes in the wash. 9 month old is a sicky baby and I often wash his outfits daily too especially as he’s weaning now. Then dh’s work shirts, my clothes often get mucky from being with the kids all day. I do one every day because there is more than enough to do a load everyday, not because I’m creating work for myself. Our tumble dryer broke recently and until we can replace it we have limited drying space.

But you're not the only person who can do it surely? You're busy from 6.30 to midnight.

It’s how it is right now.

Have you tried getting people to volunteer to help local charities these days? We barely manage to make the committee meet charity commission requirements most years.

I have a confession. I am 31 years old and I don’t recall ever cleaning a skirting board.
I just wanted to get that off my chest.