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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the “sod the housework” advice is really unhelpful

184 replies

cadburyegg · 04/12/2018 14:18

Just that really. We have a 3 yr old at 9 month old, I’m on maternity leave yet the advice is now to sod the housework and make memories with the kids. I struggle to keep on top of it all but the bare minimum I need to do is a load of laundry per day, washing dishes, preparing food, clearing work spaces etc because we all need to eat and wear clean clothes.

I think this advice should be changed to helpful tips on how to do bits during the day while making sure the kids get the attention they need. AIBU?

OP posts:
BishopBrennansArse · 04/12/2018 16:59

I may have agreed with you after DS1 but not when DS2 arrived 14 months later. By the time DD showed up I could just about shoehorn looking after her needs in between school runs and medical appointments (autism just being diagnosed in both boys by then). Then I became physically disabled myself so now it gets done once a week by a cleaner (bar dishwasher and laundry). So if your kids are sufficiently easy to allow you those sentiments, OP, good for you. Not everyone has that experience.

PoutySprout · 04/12/2018 17:03

How do people only do 3 loads of laundry a week?

There is only 3 of us our house but I do lots: on average about 10 loads.

1 darks
1 lights
1 towels (overnight using dryer)
1 bedding

Easy.

DD’s swim kit, yoga kit and PE kit go in with whichever coloured load they match.

Nothisispatrick · 04/12/2018 17:07

YANBU I couldn’t bear to live in a shit tip just because I have a baby. DP takes over baby when he off at 5.30 then I catch up on housework. And yes, DP could do it instead but by 5.30 I’m a bit tired on the feeding, winding, changing, sick and crying. I want to get up and do something!

Fresta

I do three loads, I would be bored to death by anymore, I don’t mind the washing and the hanging but the sorting afterwards is so dull. I couldn’t do it everyday.

I do one load of things that need a hot wash (towels, bedding if it needs changed, tea towels), one load of mine and DP’s clothes, one baby wash.

I don’t believe towels and bedding need as much washing as some on MN though.

Fresta · 04/12/2018 17:21

You must all have huge washing machines if you can fit a weeks worth of bedding and towels in one load!

I have one big bath towel per family member each week plus hand towels and a bath mat- I can't get all that in one Load, never mind the bedding form a kingsize bed and dd's single bed as well! How do you do that in one load?

Fresta · 04/12/2018 17:22

I am bored washing too but it needs doing- couldn't just do 3 loads a week to stop me getting bored as we need clean clothes etc.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/12/2018 17:24

My house is a mess, but that's because I find housework tedious and have better things to do with my time. Neither DS nor I have come to any harm.

Nothisispatrick · 04/12/2018 17:24

But it’s not loads of bedding. It’s one double bed and I don’t do it weekly cos I’m lazy and don’t care. Plus I don’t wash towels after every use and wash them on rotation so not every week.

Fresta · 04/12/2018 17:24

I also do a separate wash for knitwear as it can't go on a regular wash as it would come out half the size!

SoyDora · 04/12/2018 17:25

You must all have huge washing machines if you can fit a weeks worth of bedding and towels in one load!

This is true! We have a king size bed set and 2 singles to wash. At least one bath towel for each family member. Hand towels, tea towels, 2 x bath mats... no chance of getting it in one wash.

Fresta · 04/12/2018 17:29

Bedding and towels are washed weekly here. Can't imagine using a towel for more than that!

PoutySprout · 04/12/2018 17:29

You must all have huge washing machines if you can fit a weeks worth of bedding and towels in one load!

I have one big bath towel per family member each week plus hand towels and a bath mat- I can't get all that in one Load, never mind the bedding form a kingsize bed and dd's single bed as well! How do you do that in one load?

It’s a standard washer dryer.

I have a bath sheet and a bath towel. DD and DH just have a bath towel each. DD has a thin microfibres swim towel. 2-3 tea towels, 1 hand towel from the downstairs loo. All in one load on a long 60oC wash and dry.

Our super king bedding gets washed once a fortnight. DD’s bedding goes in with the bath mats in between.

Rattinghat · 04/12/2018 17:30

It seems that having a bezzy house has somehow become 'cool' in the UK, like a badge that you are far to busy and interesting to bother yourself with scrubbing. You see tacky signs in naff shops that say things like Bless This Mess.

I haven't noticed this abroad. No wonder people say if you want to hide something from the British, put it under the soap.

SoyDora · 04/12/2018 17:31

What’s a bezzy house?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 04/12/2018 17:32

When people say "sod the housework" they don't mean literally stop doing any housework whatsoever so that you and DC are living in squalor. They just mean that it's ok to relax your usual standards a bit while you're going through a busy or stressful time.

I like a clean and tidy house but with a 4yo, a newborn baby and PND I'm having to accept that there may be days where all I achieve is putting a load of laundry on, unloading/reloading the dishwasher and having a quick tidy round downstairs. If I don't do those things as a minimum then I just feel even more stressed out but things like deep cleaning bathrooms, dusting etc can wait until the weekend when DH is home and it's easier to get things done.

BlackeyedGruesome · 04/12/2018 17:32

you need to keep on top of it and keep to a reasonable standard but washing walls down and dusting skirting boards may be able to wait for a bit longer than before.

the environment thread that appeared earlier also pointed out that clothes do not need to be washed after one wear. (ok maybe not the kids clothes if they are anything like mine and they come home with their whole day mapped out on them or they can stand up with the thickness of the mud) towels do not need to be washed after one use, etc.

Rattinghat · 04/12/2018 17:33

Bezzy is like slutty, dirty, unkempt.

Nothisispatrick · 04/12/2018 17:38

Bedding and towels are washed weekly here. Can't imagine using a towel for more than that!

🤷‍♀️ Then the washing is the price of that! Doesn’t bother me at all.

KismetHardie · 04/12/2018 17:41

pouty yep, machine doesn't fit a full load of king size bedding, ours is done fortnightly, I do a separate wash for delicates, then darks/whites/light colours whenever there are enough of those things to warrant it. Cloth nappies and a weekly blast on towels and that's every day. Don't mind at all, there's a rhythm to it. I cba to put it all away though DH does that.

KismetHardie · 04/12/2018 17:44

Ok so a tangent but by 'full load' I mean 2/3 volume of the drum with space for a football, otherwise the machine can't operate properly and the soap doesn't rinse

Fundays12 · 04/12/2018 17:44

It’s totally rubbish advice the house doesn’t clean itself. My house is always clean although may have toys around the living room. Heaven forbid I also do 95% of the housework too seen as I only work one day a week. Dh is home with the kids that day so puts a load of washing on and tidies up the kitchen etc after lunch but given I am home much more than him I do the bulk of the household chores.

SoyDora · 04/12/2018 17:45

I want to know who is giving this advice? I have two DC and am pregnant with my third and no one has ever told me to neglect basic housework?

papayya · 04/12/2018 17:45

I have a 16m/o and 2m/o and being told to sod the housework drives me mad. I try and do it when they're in bed. Has to be done sometime!

ajw88 · 04/12/2018 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 04/12/2018 17:53

Another vote here for decluttering. My cleaner comes once a fortnight, but we don't have very much stuff, so we're always pretty clean and tidy.

The kids have been doing their share of tidying, putting their stuff away and putting a wash on, since they were small.

IJustLostTheGame · 04/12/2018 18:05

I don't get the sod the housework attitude at all. Although I did do things to save time such as chucked clothes into a drawer. I also didn't wear clothes day to day that needed ironing. I do a couple of loads of washing a day. When dd was tiny DH had to do the ironing and putting away.
When dd got bigger i could fold stuff nicely into drawers again.
I discovered Baby wipes are good for dusting and didn't take very long. Downstairs got hovered every 2- 3 days, upstairs once a week. That was two 10 minute jobs. The dishwasher took 5 minutes in the morning whilst dd was in her high chair.
The bathrooms got done on a weekend.
It was harder when dd got bigger and toys just got spread everywhere. So hoovering got done when DH and I could tag team bath/bed time.
When we weren't eating pizza or lasagne we ate tray bakes as that didn't take much prep or I threw a load of stuff into the slow cooker.
There were times however when the tiredness took over and I could weep at the mess that built up.