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AIBU?

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Original poster

Completely shocked by BIL

278 replies

kelliejr · 04/12/2018 02:23

DH and I called round to his sisters house after work at 8.30 to pick up some tools to do DIY in our house. She told us she was putting their 4 year old DS to bed to her DH would be downstairs to answer the door, just knock on the patio.
When her DH answered there was a very strong smell of weed and he had clearly smoked judging by his voice and eyes.
Their DS and SIL heard us knock and called for my DH to come up from the patio to say good night... he told me there was no smell of weed upstairs thankfully. When my DH said to his sister "why the hell is there a smell of weed downstairs?!" She was quite defensive of her DH.

For some reason it's really upset me. To think my SIL was upstairs putting their DS to bed whilst her DH was downstairs smoking weed. I'm just a bit shocked. It's of course not my place to say anything but I could see on my DH's face it upset him too to think our nephew is in that environment.

I have no proof he smoked in the house, but the smell was quite strong so he must of smoked it not long before we called. Both of us are just a bit taken a back and not sure how to feel about it. We also don't know if SIL smokes it or is it just BIL.

Any advice? AIBU to feel annoyed/shocked? Do you think my DH needs to speak to his parents about it?

Please no nasty comments, I'm not on a witch hunt for these people as we have always gotten on well... which is probably why it shocks me more.

OP posts:
masterandmargarita · 05/12/2018 21:21

You're more likely to do harm to your child by driving them around in a car in terms of polluting their lungs!

Pashal2 · 05/12/2018 21:21

It's none of your business. Plain and simple.

Member869894 · 05/12/2018 21:25

You are very easily shocked OP

Malwoddy · 05/12/2018 21:27

It's legal where I am. Agree that it's less dangerous for adults than alcohol or tobacco. The fact that it's illegal in the UK does change things somewhat, but I doubt possession of a small amount is a significant crime. Probably in the same category as people illegally streaming tv shows.

VenusClapTrap · 05/12/2018 21:31

Yanbu. I would judge.

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 05/12/2018 21:32

You don’t know the circumstances under which he smokes. It’s legal in many places. He’s a grown up. It’s not your place to speak to his parents. Speak to him and his wife if you speak to anypnev

Duraphat50 · 05/12/2018 21:34

You are turning it into an unnecessary drama. The guy had a splif no kids in the room. It may have been some really good weed and maybe he needed to relax.... Or he may have a medical condition that it helps him with.... As for telling the parents are you 10?? I know doctors who have the occasional splif. You are completely over reacting.

Wordthe · 05/12/2018 21:35

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/12/02/first-medical-cannabis-prescription-made-change-uk-law/
It's legal for medical use recreational use will naturally follow soon...

Wordthe · 05/12/2018 21:40

It's a good way to relax and de-stress at the end of the day, obviously it could become problematic for some people but generally speaking being a regular cannabis user does not mean that you live the a chaotic and dysfunctional lifestyle which tends to come to mind when we think of illegal drugs

I speak as a regular cannabis user who has found it very helpful to deal with menopause symptoms as well as stress and anxiety and, well ......I just enjoy it 🤗
(I do vape rather than smoke though because of concerns about the effects on my lungs)

Xenadog · 05/12/2018 21:43

OP, YANBU. Smoking weed is vile and illegal. Why would anyone think it is acceptable for one parent to be in the same house as their child, regardless of whether the child is in bed or not, and smoking it?

I love how all the cool people are saying it’s no big deal when evidence proves the contrary. I don’t care about people comparing weed to alcohol or drugs either because they are legal.

I would judge these parents harshly, including the mother if she knew what the father was doing, and I’d not be happy with this at all.

Not sure what you can do really. I’d keep an eye on the DC though to make sure they were being properly looked after.

rosenylund · 05/12/2018 21:44

I'm curious, those who do smoke weed do you mix tobacco in as well?

LegoAdventCalendar · 05/12/2018 21:45

I can't wait till it's legalised here.

LegoAdventCalendar · 05/12/2018 21:47

I'm curious, those who do smoke weed do you mix tobacco in as well?

No, that's only with hash, which is now quite difficult to get.

Wordthe · 05/12/2018 21:52

No I don't use tobacco I just vape herbal cannabis
I have never enjoyed the effects of tobacco

Obviously doesn't work for everyone but I am a long-term cannabis user and I find it very helpful
the only problem really is the munchies but that just comes down to not having too much tempting food in the fridge 😉

ViragoKnows · 05/12/2018 22:00

and I’d not be happy with this at all.

What does that consist of?

Mumofthree92 · 05/12/2018 22:52

To be honest if the child is not in front him there is no big issue.

There a plenty of studies on how weed can help with certain conditions eg chronic pain, epilepsy, migraines the list goes on.

It’s a natural substance not like alcohol or prescription drug, which are all manufactured.

People who have mental break downs from weed have been taking the chemical filled weed produced by horrible drug dealers, who only think of quantity not quality.

Like other posters have said it’s there house so not your problem really. And legally he is within his rights.

Just leave them to it unless you have real evidence that the child is in danger.

confusedat30 · 05/12/2018 22:52

Smoking weed in a place where there are children is so so wrong on so many levels! It will do so much damage to his mental health if he is anywhere near that smoke as his brain isn’t fully developed, trust me I know as I smoked for years starting at a very young age and it has done so much damage. I’d do whatever it takes to get them to realise this and not do it in the house with their son. If they want to smoke it when not in charge of childcare then they need to be doing it elsewhere imo. Nothing against smokers just not around children.

acegod · 05/12/2018 22:53

Not your problem his house his life. If he wants drugs legal or not that's his issue why you interfering for?? Mind your own business. If the child is a concern call the social services and let them deal with it that's why they are there for.

SkaterGrrrrl · 05/12/2018 22:55

YABVVU.

I know loads of people who have the odd joint (middle class professionals, if that matters).

Smoked occasionally, it's no biggie.

NorthEndGal · 05/12/2018 22:55

No, I dont use tobacco at all
Just organic green, legally sold at the pot and wine shop, run by the government.

MissRhubarb · 05/12/2018 23:42

Hello OP. I have a joint each night before I go to sleep as it's the only thing I've ever found that successfully controls the Restless Legs Syndrome that I've had for 20+ years now. Hopefully if it's eventually legalised for medicinal purposes I won't have to have my "sneaky joint" and can just be prescribed a small amount that will do the same job.

The only prescription medication available for RLS is unfortunately a kind of Benzodiazepine and comes with warnings all over it about short-term use and tolerance issues, so after talking to my GP I decided that wasn't for me.

I know a few people who use weed for similar reasons - one to alleviate MS symptoms, and another the inflammation from rheumatoid arthritis. It's a natural produce so no side effects.

As for recreational use. I think each to their own and hopefully everything in moderation. I'm not going to judge someone for having one or two glasses of wine in an evening and I wouldn't judge someone for having a joint at the end of the night. It's when any substance goes beyond moderation on a regular basis that there are problems, surely.

Wordthe · 06/12/2018 01:33

Oh yes cannabis is just legendary for things like restless legs or any twitchy/anxious problems

in particular it really does help you to get to sleep quickly and wake up feeling cheerfull I find 😊

winniestone37 · 06/12/2018 09:18

The kids are fine? Then you are being ridiculous. In fact how dare you. You are jnterfereing, causing trouble and maming everyone's lives unnecessarily harder. You afe hysterical and quite frankly should be ashamed. If he'd been drinking a cider you wouldn't have batted an eye-lid. Grow up.

bubblegumunicorn · 06/12/2018 09:23

Reading through this people have gone off on a tangent about weed being illegal but not offered advice to OP on what to do! In this situation it might be a good idea for your DH to have a chat with his sister about the weed say you were surprised as you didn’t know they did it and you are concerned about smoking in the house with their DS around! See what she has to say about it. As you are feeling a bit shocked by the whole situation it’s best to speak to them not involve anyone else!

Dungeondragon15 · 06/12/2018 09:30

I think you should stay out of it. I don't smoke weed but millions of people do and as long as he is not smoking excessively or doing it in the presence of his DC, what does it matter? The fact that you are "shocked" suggests that you are a little bit naive OP.

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