Completely shocked by BIL

[kelliejr]

DH and I called round to his sisters house after work at 8.30 to pick up some tools to do DIY in our house. She told us she was putting their 4 year old DS to bed to her DH would be downstairs to answer the door, just knock on the patio.
When her DH answered there was a very strong smell of weed and he had clearly smoked judging by his voice and eyes.
Their DS and SIL heard us knock and called for my DH to come up from the patio to say good night... he told me there was no smell of weed upstairs thankfully. When my DH said to his sister "why the hell is there a smell of weed downstairs?!" She was quite defensive of her DH.

For some reason it's really upset me. To think my SIL was upstairs putting their DS to bed whilst her DH was downstairs smoking weed. I'm just a bit shocked. It's of course not my place to say anything but I could see on my DH's face it upset him too to think our nephew is in that environment.

I have no proof he smoked in the house, but the smell was quite strong so he must of smoked it not long before we called. Both of us are just a bit taken a back and not sure how to feel about it. We also don't know if SIL smokes it or is it just BIL.

Any advice? AIBU to feel annoyed/shocked? Do you think my DH needs to speak to his parents about it?

Please no nasty comments, I'm not on a witch hunt for these people as we have always gotten on well... which is probably why it shocks me more.

No different to being downstairs having a beer while his wife put the kids to bed.

I don’t use weed. My husband does. I much prefer stoned people to drunk people.

My dad is an alcoholic. I wish he smoked weed every night instead.

Yabu. If the kids are happy and well looked after then its not a concern.

I much prefer sober people, esp parents.

WHAAAT?
Shocked.
Call your parents immediately, then the police and I feel social services should be brought in too. Then call Teresa May, Barack Obama and finally the military.

I only know a handful of people who don't smoke weed! I live in a very naice area too.

It’s illegal. End of story

Its also illegal to be drunk whilst in a pub, so I'd say most people have broken that law.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that drink and drugs are consumed so much nowadays and child abuse is constantly on the increase. Stressed parents plus drugs or/and drink can equal bad choices in behaviour. So I don’t think we should just shrug our shoulders and not give a shit really. Of course most parents don’t lash out but some do. And drink and drugs take away rational thoughts. So it does affect children in a number of ways.

To PP’s who are against smoking weed, apart from the fact it is illegal, possibly legalised at one point, what exactly is so wrong with it, what affect do you think it has on a child?

*some point

Honestly I’m quite shocked at how ‘horrified’ you are, OP.

Have you never encountered weed before? Plenty of people have smoked it in the privacy of their own homes (or back gardens) for generations so I’m confused as to how you’ve made such a meal of it. You’ve not confused it with crack, perhaps?

My DH and I have smoked it recreationally for twenty years (with obvious breaks for ttc, pregnancy and breastfeeding). We’re both high-earning professionals (shocker!) and have one or two in the back garden after the kids are asleep. It’s far less harmful than a couple of glasses of wine in the evening (I’m not just being defensive, there are plenty of studies to back this up) and I’ve seen too many friends and family go down the alcoholism route to make that a regular feature of our lives.

Maybe back off your in-laws and let them relax the way they want to in their own home. They’re not smoking around your DN, are they?

He was outside smoking it ... There's no need to say it do anything , it's not as harmful as alcohol for a start and will be legalised soon. Don't interfere you will look foolish, I don't agree with smoking in front of kids but he was outside ... You're overreaction will also guarantee your kid tells you nothing ... I was open with my son ... He doesn't even smoke cigarettes now or drink or even take pain killers and he comes to me with everything. Pretty pleased you're not related to me atm

I wouldn't tell his folks, that's well out of order

One thing that's not gonna make your life better is your mum knowing you're a stoner

For those saying they wouldn't let their kids go round there are you all fucking serious ... Bet little Nancy and Nigel spend time with granny and grandpa who are on pain relief like cocodomal which is highly addictive which you build a tolerance to and in the end of you're lucky you get professional help and a daily prescription for methadone. The pearl clutches attitude makes me want to vomit my kids would be allowed near you.

Also illegal to sell alcohol if someone is drunk ...drunk means over the limit so most of us have well broken the law, string that to your pearls and suck them.

For all those saying it's not a big deal, its obviously acceptable to you. To me, if you have a child in the house, it is certainly not acceptable to use weed.

To speak to parents? Is he 12

@icanttakemuchmore why?

Plus, we've just been to court this week for a child arrangement order and the judge was very adament that if the other party we were fighting, continues to use cannabis around the child, the chances are that they will lose PR for the child, and that's from a judge.

That was a genuine question btw, not an attack?
I can understand why people think it’s unacceptable due to it being illegal, but apart from that I genuinely don’t understand the issue?

You can’t really compare it to a beer. The fumes from a beer downstairs won’t affect DN but if smoked in the house, smoke travels a long way, it definitely could. That woul be my only concern. YANBU to be worried about this but I don’t think there is anything you can do. If it was smoked outdoors then no real harm unless you have other welfare concerns. Definitely don’t speak to MIL. YABU about that part.

Marijuana has been legalised in Canada. In many ways it is no different than having a drink in the evening.

Funny responses here.

I wouldn't have a word with his parents though, but I'd have a word with SIL or ask DH to. If my BIL was smoking weed or had been when I turned up I would have asked him outright why and how much etc.

It's illegal and it smells fine but each to their own, probably no worse than alcohol.

Don’t care if you’re middle class users or not. It’s scuzzy.
HTH.
Kids going to school with clothes stinking of weed will be on the radar.
If you’d done a stint on an acute mental health ward you wouldn’t all be so laid back.

I don't smoke it - don't really like it or the smell. But have been buying it in oil form for my Nan.
Don't get all the 'oh my god it's illegal' responses. Definitely no worse than alcohol!