Completely shocked by BIL

[kelliejr]

DH and I called round to his sisters house after work at 8.30 to pick up some tools to do DIY in our house. She told us she was putting their 4 year old DS to bed to her DH would be downstairs to answer the door, just knock on the patio.
When her DH answered there was a very strong smell of weed and he had clearly smoked judging by his voice and eyes.
Their DS and SIL heard us knock and called for my DH to come up from the patio to say good night... he told me there was no smell of weed upstairs thankfully. When my DH said to his sister "why the hell is there a smell of weed downstairs?!" She was quite defensive of her DH.

For some reason it's really upset me. To think my SIL was upstairs putting their DS to bed whilst her DH was downstairs smoking weed. I'm just a bit shocked. It's of course not my place to say anything but I could see on my DH's face it upset him too to think our nephew is in that environment.

I have no proof he smoked in the house, but the smell was quite strong so he must of smoked it not long before we called. Both of us are just a bit taken a back and not sure how to feel about it. We also don't know if SIL smokes it or is it just BIL.

Any advice? AIBU to feel annoyed/shocked? Do you think my DH needs to speak to his parents about it?

Please no nasty comments, I'm not on a witch hunt for these people as we have always gotten on well... which is probably why it shocks me more.

It will do so much damage to his mental health if he is anywhere near that smoke as his brain isn’t fully developed, trust me I know as I smoked for years starting at a very young age and it has done so much damage.

You don't know that the weed cause the damage. You may have been like that anyway. If someone is middle aged and has always smoked weed and is in good mental health there is no reason to think that there will be a problem in the future.

Mind your own bloody business. I barely know anyone who doesn't smoke weed from time to time. Where the hell did you grow up?

My DH vapes too, not in the house or around our daughter but he may while do it while I'm reading a story and he's perfectly entitled to do it. Alcohol has a much stronger effect but you wouldn't think twice about it if you caught him having a whiskey.

My daughter is bright, well-adjusted and radiates love and kindness. Her dad enjoying the odd spliff has absolutely no negative impact on her upbringing.

Weed may be illegal but that's a pretty arbitrary law when compared with drugs which doctors can LEGALLY prescribe and is based more on lobbying by pharmaceutical companies than any scientific evidence.

Leave people to live their lives as they want and just butt out. You sound like a hand-wringing, pearl clutching busybody.

wow you ness a life

Yanbu to be concerned n I guess a little shocked if you'd no idea he did it. But Yabu to suggest going to tell his parents ffs! What would that do expect them to 'tell him off?!' maybe your dh should have a word with brother if he worried. If child is well looked after n sil happy etc I wouldn't worry at all. I know couple of people who still smoke but generally at parties or when kids away for the night. Occasional use no worse than having few drinks but there is a stigma attached. (cos it's illegal for one!)

Definitely. Tell their Mum. That'll show them. They'll probably be grounded. Serve them right.

Yeah he definitely won't get any pudding if his mum finds out about that!

‘That environment’! What ‘environment’? Is the child well cared for, loved and healthy? How many MNers ‘crack open’ the wine in an evening?

THIS!!!!

If you drink Prosecco regularly and feel superior to your BIL, you're not!!!

I think it's just that cannabis is now in a grey zone....on the way to being legalised but many people still think of it as an illegal drug
so in their minds it's grouped together with those illegal drugs that tend to lead to dysfunctional and chaotic lifestyles

Let's not forget that alcohol can also lead to chaotic and dysfunctional lifestyles but the fact that it's legal sends a strong message that it's ok and safe
we tend to default to these messages when we don't have time or mental energy to consider the details and nuances of a situation

Hemp the plant that produces cannabis has two very different chemicals in it one THC is the one people who use it to get high can develop addiction and other problems including mental health problems. I think that’s the one that should remain illegal.
The other one CBD doesn’t provide a high and is showing very good results in people with different medical conditions, this is legal in this Country. Maybe you should consider that your BIL is smoking to help with stress, depression or pain. Eventually all cannabis will be legalised, better to have it regulated by the government than to help fill the drug dealers pockets. I don’t smoke it but I have been looking at CBD because I suffer from constant chronic pain and am on so many legally prescribed medications which have caused my mental health to suffer dangerously at times, I feel like I am damn if I do and damn if I don’t. I wouldn’t use THC but I have seriously been considering CBD if it was to get me off at least some of my medication and allow me to function I would definitely consider it. We need educating both for medical professionals, lay-people and children Education is knowledge and knowledge is power. So before you start vilifying people who smoke know what you’re saying. And no I wouldn’t tell her parents adults make their own decisions and live with the consequences good or bad.

This is true CBD is non intoxicating and many people find it beneficial
I enjoy getting high and so I prefer regular cannabis with a good THC amount in it 😁👍
I am a long-term daily user of cannabis and perfectly functional and don't see anything problematic about it

Oh righto then word maybe I will get stoned tonight and then teach your child tomorrow. That fine too? What utter rubbish.

Hello Mrskeats:)
The effects of THC last a few hours or more so if you have it at night you can expect to be fine to go to work in the morning

....actually probably more than fine because cannabis really does promote sound sleep so you'll probably have a better nights sleep than if you hadn't got stoned!

I’m talking about all types of weed. The smell lingers on people’s clothes and I’m their hair.

In even.

I'm not quite sure what your point is though Mrskeats, could you elucidate for us?

That to suggest weed smoking is all hunky dorey is not ok.

That to suggest weed smoking is all hunky dorey is not ok

And drinking is ?

What annoys me is that people think it’s disgraceful to smoke cigarettes in your home when a child lives there. But if you smoke weed it’s all ok and accepted. Smoke is damaging to everyone around you (do it outside you cretin) and weed is a gateway drug. Mumsnet are so judgey about so many parental decisions yet they support the use of drugs! Apparently you shouldn’t care about your nephew because it’s only weed and that’s ‘cool’ on Mumsnet. I’d be upset too OP & I would mention it to them because it’s not appropriate now they have DS. They need to grow up.

Why does everyone keep on about drinking? I never suggested that drinking to excess is also ok. It's not illegal though, nor does it support the criminals that supply it.
Nature has just published more studies that suggest that long term cannabis changes brain structure.
Many, many studies also show that there are risks of psychosis.
Crack on though.

Yep doghorse
Nothing wrong with parents getting illegal drugs from some dodgy bloke on a street corner.

Cannabis is legal for medical use, and recreational will follow
No street corner activities necessary :)

Those who feel cannabis is risky for them are best not indulging, horses for courses etc

Will it? You in government?
You can’t tell who is at risk of psychosis. That’s the point

I'm not sure what you mean by this though
and weed is a gateway drug

to what is cannabis a gateway, and via what mechanism, I've used it for several years, I dont use other drugs, dont use alcohol
what should I be watching out for?

you sound cross and stressed Mrskeats:(
spark up a fat one why doncha:o