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Original poster

To be pissed off at gloating childless friend??

152 replies

lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:29

So caught up with a friend who has chosen to have no children but after I sort if told her a bit about my stress with my DC and lack of sleep Im getting etc, she proceeded to tell me how she has lots of time, is not stressed, is financially fine and has her health..Basically life is good. Oh and she goes on about her trip to here a d trip to thete and how good it was.

Whilst I don't begrudge anyone any of the above, I guess maybe a little sensitivity is required perhaps when I've just been telling her I've been having a shit time for a variety of reasons and that life is tough at the ment with two young kids?

I just feel she is a bit socially inept and a bit of self effacing behaviour would go a long way..I feel im.very sensitive to this type of stuff - ie I won't bang on.about a holiday when I know a friend can't afford to go on.one. I'll wait to be be asked about it and then give minimal detail. If another friend has too been on holiday we discuss it more.

This gloating especially about money gets me. Her partner earns a lot so she is costing away and just gloats.

Does she just have no.idea of how others may live or is she socially inept? I really don't know where to go from here...

OP posts:
RedDeadRoach · 03/12/2018 20:31

Maybe she's been trying to conceive and hearing people moan about their kids hurts her feelings?

Klobuchar · 03/12/2018 20:32

Maybe she’s over-compensating for not having kids. Even people who don’t want them and never have often feel looked down upon by those who do have kids so this is possibly her way of trying to head that off at the pass.

Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:33

No she is 55 and never wanted kids. I don't moan by the way to her - but I've got lots going on.(not only about kids) that is tough at the moment.

Should I call her child free rather than childless
Sorry did not mean to offend anyone with this!

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Oobis · 03/12/2018 20:34

Maybe her words are about reassuring herself that her choice was right when she's feeling broody as hell and frightened her biological clock is ticking furiously. Or maybe she's a twat who has no empathy and doesn't care about you and your woes 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:35

Klob - possibly bit in this case I really don't think so. Just think she leads this great life she loves and can't really understa d things ftom.any other perspective. There is no way she would ever want children so don't think.she is compensating

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Hideandgo · 03/12/2018 20:35

Will you be equally sensitive when things are going well for you not to make your conversations about your child-full life and how great it is/they are?

Probably your friend is so used to justifying her choices and happiness to people she’s just running off the usual script. People are probably constantly feeling a little bit sorry for her and her child free life so it’s natural to be vocally positive about it, in this case thoughtlessly.

pantyclaws · 03/12/2018 20:37

Well there's two options.

She's either a gloating unsympathetic thoughtless person of she said that in response to what you said, or feeling insecure in her choice not to have children.

I suppose the third option is you asked how she was and what she'd been doing and she answered honestly.

You know her best, which do you think it is?

Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:37

Oobis tho k.a bit of lack of empathy and social.skills is more it. She also asked out of the blue if my husband and I were alright? I've never said anything about my DH and it was so out of context of what we we discussing I am.still finding this a bit odd. Why did she ask me this?.I asked her why and she avoided the question

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Klobuchar · 03/12/2018 20:37

My sister is 50 and child free, which is the way she wants it and always has, she has plenty of disposable income and a great life, just like she wants it, yet people still pity her because she doesn’t have kids and it upsets her. She is fine with her choice, she is not fine with the pity.

Maybe your friend is just talking about her life and how it is, rather than boasting.

clairedelalune · 03/12/2018 20:38

I suspect she is fed up of people (not necessarily you, but just people in general) questioning her decision not to habe children. Or like pp said maybe she is trying to conceive and trying to feel better about it. Having money and a vibrant social life are the advantages of not having children, but that is what we have to weigh up before having them.

mistywintermorning · 03/12/2018 20:39

I have kids.

I still don't understand why people have them and spend the next decade complaining about them. I know that's harsh, sorry. But I do inwardly groan when people moan about no sleep / they woke up early / they cried / they run me ragged.

They are small kids. It's what they do.

Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:40

Klob yes I think you are right she is just talking about her life and how it is for her..though when someone tells you they are stressed and tired would you then go on and say how lucky you are , how good you have it? A bit of humility wouldn't go astray. I don't ever say anything by the way about pity for her. I might express it to my his husba d but would never to her. She is not maternal in.the slightest.

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SerenDippitty · 03/12/2018 20:41

Read the thread folks she’s 55 so highly unlikely to be ttc. I’d go with overcompensating or just being honest.

mathanxiety · 03/12/2018 20:41

It's probably just as you say - she is socially inept and doesn't pick up verbal cues.

Maybe find someone who is a better listener next time you need a moan.

Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:43

misty - to be honest my grieveances if you want to go into it were more to do with stress bout on me with terrible menopause symptoms causing me bouts of depression and anger and the stress of this and young children. Does that make more sense? the tiredness was more cause of misread a text due to tiredness more than a whinge!

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Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:46

math - yes agreed and luckily I havevthese friends. it is just that even if I don't want to moan , my stories of travel can never be as good as her. She always has to have a better one... it is draining quite frankly... She and her partner are v competitive

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Prisonbreak · 03/12/2018 20:48

I’m childless by choice. The only one of my circle of friends to be childless. When we are out as a group all I hear is ‘tommy ate broccoli yesterday’ ‘Jamie vomited on me’ ‘Ava cried for 4 hours’ ‘Martin got a gold star’ ‘Adam lost a tooth’ ‘Peter did a poo in the potty’ ‘Sarah can count to 3’
It’s mindnumbing to listen to when kids are not your thing.
Then when they ask about me, I do travel, I have spare time, I have sufficient money, I sleep fine. I see their eyes roll and judge much like you have judged your friend in your post. So now I keep quiet because somehow choosing not to have children is an issue.
You choose your path. Let others choose theirs.
Don’t be jealous if their path seems brighter

ZenNudist · 03/12/2018 20:53

It sounds like you just dont like her. So phase her out. I suspect she deserves better friends than you.

Perhaps you both wind each other up. Maybe she finds you wearying, too negative, too judgemental.

Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:56

Prison.this is not really about having chilfren/not having children. My problems are mostly sever menopausal symptoms at the moment and the stress of this. I wasn't really moaning about children. She is also.gking through this but not as he..Bit don't you think if so.eone is having a bad time in.amy way you don't gloat about your good life??!

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Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:57

Zen - where do you get all your views from? Ah she messaged me afterwards and told me how awesome I was so ah don't think she sees me this way!

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Original poster
lill72 · 03/12/2018 20:59

panty - is have to say a bit gloaty and unsympathetic. If didn't ask her all the info she told me. ie all the holidays she is going on.etc. I dunno she means no.harm bit is so clueless she ends up causing damage to me.

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onthenaughtystepagain · 03/12/2018 21:04

One sided conversations about children are pretty boring, maybe she thought you were gloating about your mother naturing and I say that as a mother of two who loved to be able to have adult conversations not about children!

Prisonbreak · 03/12/2018 21:05

By your logic, if my friend is having a bad time and I’m not, yet she asks about me, I should lie and say I’m also having a hard time so not to upset her?
Instead of feeling annoyed that you believe she is gloating, try being happy for her.

Ubertasha2 · 03/12/2018 21:11

Prisonbreak, you could be me! I am child-free by choice and although I’m sure that people love their kids, I couldn’t be less interested in hearing about them. I smile and nod but am yawning on the inside. But then again, I am probably a bore when talking about my dog!

Coyoacan · 03/12/2018 21:13

She does sound a bit social inept. But personally unless a friend starts telling me about your great holiday when I'm trying to tell you about something particularly important to me, I am only too delighted to hear good news about their lives. I do not need anyone to downplay their good times, bring it on.