Does anyone NOT get financial help from parents these days?

[Milly848]

It seems everyone around me is getting money for house deposits or even full houses from their parents. These people are in their late 20s and 30s. I'm not sure if it's the area I live in, or if it's normal.

It makes me feel quite bad, as my parents haven't given me a penny since I was 18, let alone thousands for a deposit. I've had to save everything from the work I earn, and I'm on a relatively low wage. I thought this was the norm, but now I'm feeling it's the exception.

Is it possible these days to get by without financial help/inheritance?

I know what you mean OP, it’s hard not to feel jealous when you have to work for everything when others get a huge amount of help, or when your friends live in bigger houses, drive nicer cars and go on more holidays than you because of gifts from parents.

But I just try to see it as a) I’m always very proud of things I do achieve without help, and b) there are so many people who haven’t had the level of help from family that I have had, who are probably jealous of me - it’s all relative and you’ll have less than some but more than others.

Best to avoid comparisons if you can - they are the thief of joy!

My df spoils me, my background is very working class and he did everything he could to support me at university to get on in life. I have a great job, wasn’t just the financial support he gave me but his belief in me that I could achieve whatever I put my mind to. He paid the stamp duty on our first place which got us on the ladder and I tried to pay him back but he’s a bit of a sod & wont let me. Won’t give me bank details, if I give money it turns up again in my bag or house. I try to pay for everything when we go out now so he’s not spending more on me. I try & do experiences together and that is the greatest luxury from his investment in me if that makes sense. We go to concerts together, and I was able to pay for a private tour of his favourite football club. We value time together more than material items and I’m grateful he supported me at uni. I also know now he will want for nothing in his old age as I wil never let him go without the same way he looked after my nan.

I don’t think there is anything wrong in supporting your children as long as they are grateful & they appreciate it. I am so grateful for my DF help, he doesn’t top up my salary or pay me money all the time to supplement my life style but he supported to have a good life. I think most parents will always try to support their children in whatever way they can. My DM isn’t like that at all, she hated I went to uni and got very funny with me when I got a good job. She felt I should just been cut off at 16, so I was very lucky to have my df which makes me feel even more grateful to have had his support.

My parents gave me all the cash they had saved from my housekeeping for a deposit. This was about 5k from memory but that was 25 years ago. I intend to do similar for my kids.

DH and I didn't really need help with deposits because we both bought our first flats/houses with 100% mortgages. I saved £6k over 4 years to cover moving costs. This was about 15 years ago. But now with needing at least 10% deposit I think its much harder. I was surprised that Pils hadn't offered DH any help towards his house before I met him, as when MIL died she had over £800k in the bank. Pils had earned their money largely thru luck and bought houses which sky rocketed in price in the 80s - but they were not generous at all and didn't feel lucky or rich. We got car boot broken toys for the kids in a bin bag at xmas etc. I know people can do what they like with their money but I find it hard to imagine me being the same with my DC.

I bought my place at 23 without any parental help. I think most of my friends assume I did (because it is 'the norm') but I think more people than you realise make it on their own

My mum passed away when I was 20 and I had my son at 21 so not around for childcare, my dad isn't rich in time or money, just managing. I don't ask him for childcare as he has very few days off, and I don't ask him for money or things, but he would give his last penny if I needed it.

My partners parents are absolutely loaded but wouldn't even give the price of a stamp. They could have helped him many a time but they wouldn't.

Nope. DH and I are early 30s and bought a house in our late 20s with no help. Also saved and funded our wedding and get no help with childcare - that's my bug bear: the amount of people whose parents or in laws quit their jobs to help with childcare! And then said people love to indulge in hand-wringing and "oh I couldn't leave my little darling with a stranger!" when I mention the childminder...yeah but we don't have a choice! Grrr.

I didn't. They'd love to but there are three of us and they can't afford three deposits.

We've all managed to buy family homes without their help.

No help. We bought our first place in our late 20's on our own and ended up having to refinance for our adoption. We managed though. I don't think we would accept help if it was offered. We're both a bit stubborn on that. I left home at 17 and was broke. I think it was character building though.

This seems the first generation that gets help from parents. I certainly didn't get anything and I couldn't afford to do if for mine. It seems a very entitled thing to expect parents to do this.

No help financially since I first started a part time job aged 16. Dh has borrowed off his dad before and paid him back. That was when we emigrated. We get babysitting about once a month, which is enough as we take dds everywhere with us.

Us. We get none.

We had a 5 figure sum given to us by my parents for a house deposit. They gave the same amount to my sister (she spent hers on her wedding as she is already a home owner). My brother hasn’t got his yet as he isn’t in the position to buy a house, or get married.

We would have been able to buy with this gift but it would have taken us years to save the deposit. We actually had a lot of help off my parents and grandparents in getting a our house. My parents due to the large portion of deposit, but also because they let us live with them for nearly a year rent free (we offered countless times - always refused) whilst we saved up more money for the deposit, and renovations. My grandparents didn’t give us money, but they have provided free childcare for both of my sons which has saved us thousands.

We’re absolutely, incredibly lucky and I am so grateful to my family every day for their help, and support.

Buy without*

Katniss, I presume you don't expect full time working parents to give up their income to look after their grandchildren however? I would not. I hope to work until I am 80 if I can so stopping now would be ludicrous and in no one''s interests.

I've been very very lucky. My parents have always been madly generous and given me so much. They even paid off my mortgage when I owed £15k on it. Before anyone bites my head off they wanted to do it and they aren't daft either. If I was a layabout etc they certainly wouldn't! I have been a good daughter back

Oh gosh this makes me see how lucky I am. My parents paid all my tuition fees and living costs for studying, gave me random amounts of cash for nights out/clothes etc to top up money from my part time job. Paid for my entire wedding, buy clothes/shoes/coats etc for the DC, pay for holidays and days out, have given us a huge deposit for s house and regularly send random food deliveries they have ordered for us a surprise. They do exactly the same for my siblings. They have also set up accounts for all their grandchildren with money for studying and house deposit.

A friend of my daughter (25) has had a house purchased for her however, it has come laden with wherefores and boundaries to make it not bloody worth it.
Mine has had the odd tenner here or there but nothing significant.
Myself. Not a penny.

Katniss

you always have a choice, might not be one you'd like to take, but there are choices.

I know lots of grandparents who provide free childcare, but none gave up their jobs, unless they were pt and didn't need the money.
Most had been sahm's, myself included.

@Xenia - may I ask why 80? Do you enjoy your job that much? From your other posts I imagine you have a lot of money and imagined you’d have a luxurious retirement!

Not usual in our friends circle either. We've all done it ourselves through hard work.

The odd one has, usually the same ones who expect free childcare ive noticed.

Isn’t the bank of mum & dad in the top 10 lending institutions? Also I’m sure I read the average deposit for FTBs was 100k so it’s not inconceivable that it’s actually quite common.
In my circle (friends, colleagues, neighbours etc) it’s normal (in London). Most people I know have had or have help with uni, wedding, deposits & childcare. Deposites ranging from 100k to 1/2 a mill. These are all people with good jobs, doctors, barristers, accountants etc & many have gone through the private system. I got some help with uni, wedding about 18k, 180k deposit & save about £600
a month on childcare costs. I don’t think it’s a good thing for social mobility personally.

No money or childcare from either set of parents here.

I think it’s sad that many children’s future upbringing won’t necessarily depend on how hard they work or what they achieve but rather if their parents got on the ladder.

Everyone middle class or higher I know has had massive hand outs from parents.

Deposits, uni fees paid, free housing in 20s, free holidays, car bought outright.

We had no help, had to help a lot with bills for parents after uni, buy food, new boiler etc and I used to feel jealous but now I just think it’s the way it is. What I can’t stand is bragging when it’s all funded by the parents. I also am glad to feel independent. One of my friends almost had a mental breakdown when her mum was project managing her wedding that she paid for.

I think it’s sad that getting on these days is usually because people are given handouts. A lot of young professionals are where they are due to hand outs and private education etc. It’s not fair really.