Leaving children at party etiquette

[Mumofthreemonkeychildren]

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

BumsexAtTheBingo

all the partie packages here include a free entrance for 1 adult with each child - soft play, farms etc. Of course you need to pay or organise childcare for your other non-invited child however! At least with soft play it's easy, you take them along, pay for their entrance, and don't impose on the host who doesnt' even see them.

It cost nothing to attend a party with your child as a parent however

*party

Stompy at age 4/ 5/6 I think the needing to stay thing equally applies to play dates as for parties. When my Reception age child got invited for his first after school play date I was completely unsure if it was as much the mum asking me round for a coffee as much play date for the kids. So I asked! And yes she said thought it'd be a good idea if we had a coffee in kitchen while kids played.

If kids and parents don't know each very well nothing should be assumed. It's not helicopter parenting, it's making sure the other person is comfortable to be responsible for my child. But now we've had a couple of play dates she's said she'd be happy to take my DS with her home to play next time.

Once you know each other its different and know if can trust the child to behave/ not have a meltdown etc... I think the same applies to parties. If you know the other parents and children, have been going to each others parties for years with siblings etc then a precedent has been set.

When I was a kid everyone in the village knew each other and had grown up together and constantly running in out of each others houses so of course the mums would watch each others kids. But it's not like that where I live now. When my DS started school not many people knew each other, it was also a low sibling year so no precedents of how parties are done.

I certainly wouldn't expect any parent to leave their child with me at my home, playdate or softplay without first making sure had each others contact phone numbers as a bear minimum, and ideally spoken to them in person & exchanged any important information like if feeding them tea and when to collect! If you know the parent already then obviously a lot of that can be assumed from previously, but it's when you don't know the parent abandoning your child with a stranger and not having contact details surely is bonkers!

Lets face it theonlyKevin the dumpers who are making excuses have not addressed any valid made points about safety and supervision. They just dont want to be there.

I’d love to know how a host would fail to see siblings in a communal soft play 😂 Turning up with your entire family in tow really isn’t more polite than just dropping off child that was invited.

And the helicopter parents will turn up whether the host wants them or not. Bringing their entire families with them!
To address ‘safety’ at soft play once my kids were in the play frame at that age 30 mins could easily go by where I didn’t see them when I was there. I also didnt need to take my 6 yos who had been fully toilet trained for 4 years at that point to the toilet!
Soft plays sign kids in and out and have locked gates so children aren’t going to be running out into the street. And an NT 6yo is well old enough not to be behaving like that anyway!

I don't expect parents to stay at all but then I don't have huge parties. I've had a couple of parties for DS and no parents have stayed. Instead I roped my 2 friends to help me manage DS and 9 of his little friends. I always get a bouncy castle and organise some party games x

I’d love to know how a host would fail to see siblings in a communal soft play

I meant that the other child won't be noticed any more than any random non-invited child at the soft play
Unless the parents have booked the entire soft play for exclusive access, it makes 0 difference if a sibling or a random is playing. You sit at a different table, you don't impose. You are just being silly now.

Oh and DS is only 4. Had parties the past 2 years for him with about 10-12 guests including his two cousins x

BumsexAtTheBingo
your attitude is exactly why I would not leave my 6 year old unattended and would stay! You sound like this rude parents who seat down, ignore their kids creating carnage in the soft play and ignore them because they are too busy playing on their phone.

Congratulations on having a child able to go to the toilet on his own from 2 years old.

Dumping your child at a party is rude. Parents do judge you, be as lazy as you wish, but they will talk about you. Most will probably not bother inviting your child again. Why do you think some class parties don't include 1 or 2 children?

I have said a couple of times that I would not organise a party that I did not feel capable of supervising safely. Whether that be roping in friends or family or booking a complete package with staff. I've also mentioned that round here you do not get a free adult entry with every guest at the vast majority of places.

Also by Christmas of year one it's quite established how party etiquette is in a class. If my child was joining the school I would make my expectations clear or ask a friendly looking parent what the usual was.

No actually I don’t need to hover over my kids at the age of 6 because they know how to behave and can manage to play with their friends and wipe their bum without mummy holding their hand.

Parents leave DCs from around age 6 here (unless the child is nervous or has SEN). it’s much harder work with parents there, you have to provide refreshments and small talk and they hang around at the end when you just want to clear up! Also they often bring toddlers who are a nightmare and get under everyone’s feet. Or they micro-manage their poor DCs who just want to be left to have fun.
I just hosted a party of 20 Y2 kids in a hall and specifically stated parents didn’t need to stay. I had 2 party entertainers, myself, DH and my teen DD helping, which was absolutely fine.

I wouldn’t invite children to a party if I didn’t think I could supervise them all. Their safety and happiness is my responsibility!! If they misbehave I will tell them off, if they are upset I will comfort them.
If I was worried about supervision I would ask a few friends to help, but wouldn’t just assume parents could stay - people have other DCs to look after, often with their own activities to go to, or they work at weekends or their partners work away.
I think it’s quite rude to invite children to a party and then say that you aren’t responsible for them!!
If you have younger DCs yes I know it’s hard but that’s your issue to manage - I would ask a friend or relative to help, or get the younger ones a play date, or have the party somewhere enclosed and supervised.

At a large public place like trampolining I agree it’s a bit different and often parents stay just because these places are often in the middle of bloody nowhere and there’s nowhere else to go 🙄 Also trampolining is an activity with a high likelihood of injury. However the parents usually just sit in the cafe and drink weak coffee while the DCs trampoline - as an adult unless you are willing to pay you can’t go on the trampolines anyway? (Not that I’d want to, my pelvic floor doesn’t do trampolines). So exactly what supervising are the parents doing?

Personally I think it’s a bit ambitious to take 15 six year olds to a trampoline park when you have your own younger DC - no wonder it was stressful.

And any parents who judge me would be a bit rich since no parents here stay at parties of school aged children unless the children’s have additional needs that mean they can’t be left.

Bumsexatthebingo 🤮

A grandparent once dumped a child and their younger sibling who was potty training. The younger sibling was just in clothes no nappy. So as well as looking after the older kids I was trying to keep an eye for needing toilet signs. Was not impressed I really had enough to do!

What doesn’t impress me is parents who come to parties, hang around, bring siblings and then expect the siblings to be entertained, get food / cake / party bags etc. This has been a FAR bigger issue for me than children being dropped off. I am very happy to supervise party guests, I am not so happy having to accommodate extra children last minute that weren’t invited and often don’t even know the birthday child because ‘little Johnny wants to join in too is that ok?’.
This has happened so often that I always make up extra party bags now and pack spare plates, cups etc.

However OP YANBU about the no pleases / thank you’s - that definitely is rude - I always make my child say thank you to the host when we leave and I follow up with a thank you text later.

Its very unusual for a soft play centre round here to charge adults to enter.

There’s at least 10 I’ve been to, and the only one I can think of that does charge adults is one where the soft play is part of a largish farm park. And even there, the party packages give free entry to one adult per party child.

So it’s not costing party hosts anything if parents choose to stick around at soft play parties, unless the host chooses to pay for teas / coffees. Which most don’t do. No one seems to mind buying their own drinks.

My eldest in is a class of children turning six this year. While most parents stayed at fifth birthday parties, very few seem to stay at sixth parties. We’ll be hosting in January and pretty much expect to have 30 kids, DH&I, two friends who have offered to help, and perhaps two or three other mums.

I think it’s a bit odd to host a party for x number of children if you can’t provide proper supervision. Two parents and some family members or friends to help out isn’t too much to ask (or one parent and more of the others). However many you think is needed. Don’t arrange something you aren’t capable of managing.

It’s incredibly presumptuous to arrange a party for your child’s birthday and expect all the parents of the children to hang around and contribute.

Re school trips as someone mentioned it. The guidelines for adult - pupil ratios for school trips for years 1-3 is 1 adult for 6 children. Although in my experience it’s often higher than this in Y1 if the school have willing parent volunteers, and of course if there’s children who need additional support. Some venues will only admit a certain number of adult helpers anyway. On my last Y2 school trip it was 1 adult to 6 kids. So a school trip of 30 six year old children would require 5 adults.

However on school trips the adults are mainly there for travelling, they aren’t allowed to help with toilets anyway.

All this talk of kids being 'dumped' at parties, they have been invited!

@theonlyKevin
I disagree with everything you've said.
I think it's rude to expect to stay to a party of 6 year olds. I don't want to host parents, that's why they weren't on the invite. Can't be arsed with helicopter parents checking their snowflakes have got some cucumber from the buffet.

arethereanyleftatall
I am glad all the parents around here, minus a very few exceptions, completely disagree with you and don't expect others to look after their children. The parents who can't be arsed are the ones with the ill mannered kids.

I don't think you understand what "hosting" means if you think you are "hosting" when parents of your guests drag themselves to a boring child party and don't expect any food or drink there

Being a responsible parent doesn't mean helicopter parenting, which would still be better than being a rude and entitled CF. HTH.