Leaving children at party etiquette

[Mumofthreemonkeychildren]

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

I think it depends on where the party is and whether the parents have provided their contact details in the event something happens. To all those parents that dump and run do you speak to the parent and ensure they have your contact details? Would you react negatively if your child was hurt or distressed? Would you expect all 15 parents to dump and run in a trampoline environment and expect the birthday child’s parents to be responsible for every child and their behaviour? I agree with many that the ones that are dumped are usually the little shits... it’s evident when the parents don’t even greet the hosts and say thank you at the end.

At DS1's 5th birthday party, early in the Reception year, one child burst into tears the minute their parent disappeared down the road, the diabetic child threw up and another child broke open the pinata on the first hit. It's the only party DH and I hit the wine part way through, but it didn't for one minute cross my mind that parents should have stayed.

I think 6 is perfectly fine to drop and leave, I always check before hand though when rsvping what they would prefer. I’d rather not have loads of adults around when hosting. As long as there are enough people to help keep an eye on them like husband/family member or 1 or 2 friends depending on size of party. It’s all part and parcel of having a party. Which is why we generally do family days out for our 3 like theme parks/ zoo etc. But I did just have a sleepover birthday for my 8 year old. 5 kids trying to sleep in one place is not easy! Never again

YABU. If you didn’t want to be responsible for then why invite them. I would have hated parents staying, though they were all told to come back and have a glass of wine when they picked their children up.
I wouldn’t see the point of parents cluttering my house up when we were trying to play games. Always had sil, dm and mil as well as a couple of friends, when needed, to help.

In my experience from school age parents don’t stay. I think of you wanted them to stay your invitation needed to be clear. I definitely wouldn’t expect to stay at a trampoline place as they usually have a host and party room.
We had parents unexpectedly stay at a party we had once and it was a total pain as we hadn’t catered for them and simply didn’t have the space.

Yabu. 6 is old enough to be dropped off, providing the parent has left a contact number.

It should be made clear from the outset. I get some helpers in and then let people know it's fine to drop and collect.

Conversely they should also check with you.

commonpeople My DC have attended several trampoline parties and I have never thought of staying, I arrive, sign the waiver, make sure they have socks and leave them too it. You have a party room and helpers in those sort of venues.

I have always rsvpd using my phone so parents have my mobile number if needed.

I had this at my 5 year old's party. 2 parents (who I didn't know and hadn't rsvp'd) left their kids at the venue (a soft play - non exclusive party) and left BEFORE we got there! I only realised they were there and should have had an eye on them when one managed to have a toilet accident and I was asked by the staff to attend to it as the kids said they were at my son's party! Parents also late to pick up. Why? Because a blizzard had started right when they left their kid and they still thought it was a good idea to try and make it home to get some time to themselves except the snow didn't go off for the 2 hours of the party so they had to turn back to get their kids!

Parents who dont rsvp and then just bring their child anyway

I hear ya @Mumshappy ! It's beyond rude!

Love how many on here are adamant any dropped off children will be the difficult ones! I’ve not found that to be the case in all the parties I’ve hosted, if anything it’s thr opposite and the child with the hovering parent (who often thinks they are perfect) is sly and manipulative.

Also, it really isn’t difficult to keep children safe. At public venues, the staff are usually supervising them so it’s only a case of keeping an eye on any that go to the toilet alone. When hosting yourself, you make sure you have a plan for keeping them safe, like locking doors to halls (not fire escapes obviously) so they can’t wandef outside and having one person responsible for keeping an eye on the toilets. Then you use the activities you have planned to keep them together. Alternate busier and quieter games and don’t do anything too mad before or after eating. It’s not difficult.

Stay if you want, I’d never discourage a parent from staying if they wanted to and I’ve stayed with mine if they’ve felt unsure about something, but don’t automatically assume the host won’t keep your child safe.

Lastly, no drop offs without leaving a contactable number. If one isn’t included in the RSVP then you make sure you have pen and paper on the day and don’t let them leave without giving you contact details. That’s just common sense.

Parents drop off and leave from about age 5/6 here. My kids wouldn’t be attending many birthday parties if the expectation was that I was going to be chaperoning them. If you feel you need help supervising at a party invite less children or ask a friend / family member to help.
They definitely should’ve said thank-you though.

‘Dumped’ at kids parties

Around here everyone leaves from 5-6 years old. The classes are small and all the parents are in contact even if they don’t know each other very well. It’s certaintly not rude or weird and everyone has their turn when it’s their party

That said the only place I haven’t left mine is the public trampoline type places as they could in theory leave the building (it’s not secure like soft play). I’ve also not had a party in that type of place for exactly the reason that I don’t know all the children by sight and would worry about losing one!

Definitely rude not to say thank you though!

I started leaving my DC at parties from around Reception age. In every case, when I dropped my child off I asked the hosting parent if they needed me to stay. In every single case the parent said "no that's fine thanks". That's hardly "dumping" your child ...

and the child with the hovering parent (who often thinks they are perfect) is sly and manipulative.

Are you just describing a 5 year old as sly and manipulative?
It seems some comments have touched a nerve with you, sound like you have one of the "lively" and "spirited' little angel yourself.

I love this thread and how rude parents are still trying to convince themselves and others that they are not cheeky F abusing the good will or others and confusing a party with free childcare. It says it all.

Absolutely, five year olds can be sly and manipulative.

If you think that 5yo can't be sly and manipulative then you clearly haven't heard stories from your school aged child about how some people behave in the playground. A parent staying doesn't guarantee good behaviour from the child. A reasonable percentage of parents don't parent their kids in public (don't know how? Embarrassment? Laziness?) and most kids know that behaving badly at play dates and parties means not being invited next time.

I would expect to leave my 6 yo at a party. In Reception it was 50/50 during the first term but by the summer most were dropped off. I would be fine if a 6+yo parent wanted to stay too. By age 6 most kids cope with school and play dates without the parent there and parties are similar imo.

It's up to the host to invite a number of kids that they can cope with or to recruit extra adult help. This is a big reason why I've never invited more than 10.

If my child hurt themselves then that's fine. Accidents happen. My presence probably wouldn't have prevented that accident.

Host has my number because I texted my acceptance to the party. They are welcome to ask me to pick up my child early if they are misbehaving.