Leaving children at party etiquette

[Mumofthreemonkeychildren]

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

We have 2 form entry too but party invitations are 99% of the time class mates. Not sure what "quite a bit of movement" means - whether the children get officially moved quite regularly from one class to the other? That would be a bit strange especially as this is only yr 1. Mixed parties (ie children from both classes) are usually when a few parents club together and invite the whole Year group.

It's OK as long as you've got a well behaved child who is pretty self sufficient.

I really don't have to explain myself to this degree, can't you just take on board the very obvious point that some schools are large and you might not know all the parents?

I'd expect to drop and pick up at that age. Though I would definitely make contact with host parent at drop off and thank at the end/get child to thank birthday child.

Times have changed, evidently!

It used to be the norm to leave children in the care of the party host. It was never expected that parents would stay, unless they had been specifically asked to help out - or unless the children were under two.

It was the thought of having to supervise all of the children that used to be a natural limiter of the number that were invited! My son's 3rd birthday party had 8 participants, ranging in age from 2 to 4.

For his 6th birthday, I got together with a friend whose DS had a birthday the day before my DS and we had a joint party in the church hall. We invited the whole class and most turned up. So, my friend, my DH and I had 25 6-year-olds to entertain for 3 hours! Most of the children I had never met before and the parents didn't know me.

We never gave it a second thought. It was what everyone did. It would have been considered a bit peculiar, if not rude, if a parent had hung around at a kids' party rather than just dropping the child off.

Drop and run from year 1 here (6th birthday).
I've actually always preferred the ones where the parents don't stay as you can organise the party better boss other peoples kids about

Worst one was when a mum asked if older sibling could come too as she had a gym class. Fine, except she didn't tell me he was on the autism spectrum and actually dominated much of the party and my time. The other kids missed out. If she'd told me I could have worked something out. I guess she was desperate for some down time and I understand that, but this was underhand.

I remember 27 years ago taking my then 3 year old to a party and I just dropped him off and left to go shopping with my younger child and collected him 3 hours later. My name was mud around playgroup for the next few years and my daughter never got asked to any parties. Why don’t people just make it clear of their intentions so others know what is expected of them. We all got over this in years to come but I was so sad as I was a young mum and had no idea of the etiquette, why didn’t she tell me to stay!!! Just be clear when you host a party what you want parents to do then there is no misunderstanding

At my daughters recent birthday party (at a soft play) we invited the whole class (of a 3 class year). A lady turned up - I couldn't find her daughter on the list and she admitted she was in one of the other classes "and had RSVP'd to the WhatsApp by mistake". My daughter only recently joined school so I didn't realise. She then introduced the child's older sibling - and then walked out!! So I had 2 kids to look after who weren't even invited .

I couldn't work out whether to call her a CF or applaud her brass neck at procuring 2 hours of free food and childcare at the weekend....

Totally agree 80smum
I had whole class party and more ,(dcs birthday are same week)
Why would invite kids if you werent prepared or able to look after them. Usually had dh and my mum and dsis to help supervise. Perfectly normal to drop off and run from school age. Never had bad behaviour either. Really pathetic parenrs nowadays who can't cope with s birthday party,bit then its probably their own kids are so bsdly behaved they have poor expectations of their guests.

its probably their own kids are so bsdly behaved they have poor expectations of their guests.

or more likely that, having enough manners to help the host and not treat them as free childcare, their own kids are the ones who behave

It's been proven true on many occasions, the same way as naughty or disruptive kids in soft plays or cinemas are the ones with parents not bothering parenting but ignoring the mess they are creating until a child finally had enough and push the little bully back as which point the rude parent is indignant and come all gun blazing.

6 yo is usually fine to be left ime .

But if they are badly behaved the parent should have stayed to police them

or more likely that, having enough manners to help the host and not treat them as free childcare, their own kids are the ones who behave

no bad nanners of the host to expect other parents to stay and help., and many kids are better behaved when their parents arent there. If parents stay its for a cup of tea a bit of cake and a natter not as the unpaid help

Drop and run is completely normal where I am. Although I always end up staying because my child is clingy and doesn't want me to leave. I'm usually the only one though and end up apologising to the hosts.

I think the rudest thing of all is bringing a sibling along to a soft play, even if you do pay for them yourself. They don't have their own friends there with them so they tag along with the party that they weren't invited to, and then the host feels obliged to let them join in with the food. Unbelievably rude.

I've never hosted a whole class party and my children have never been invited to a whole class party. Parties are usually 8 or 10. Maybe that's why dropping off is the norm?

I also don't really recognise the idea that it's only the parents of badly behaved children who leave them. I always find that children behave far better for other adults than they do for their own parents. A stern 'behave' from an adult that they're not sure of works wonders.

many kids are better behaved when their parents arent there.
In seriousness I stopped staying at parties because DD used to get clingy and silly when I was there and not join in. She died better without me there (same with other groups like brownies).
If I do stay though I don’t mind mucking in and helping if asked but generally parents just sit and chat not wanting to get in the way of the host.

*does not died

I agree gamerwidow, you often find children are more clingy when their parent is there.
Also if a child is misbehaving its harder to tell them off if their parent is there (often drinking tea and gossiping and ignoring child anyway), whereas if their parent wasn't there I'd be able to tell them sternly to stop.

Having a couple of trusted parent friends/relatives on hand to help with dishing out of food / tidying up at the end is always very welcome, but definitely not every single parent.....that would drive me nuts!

As they have got past age of 4, people stay less, especially if they have other children who also need looking after. The parents do usually check first though.

Think we're starting to reach the age of dropping and going around here as the kids are turning 7 - but it tends to be more one parent brings 2-3 of the invited kids and watches them rather than everyone bringing their own child. Possibly more stick around as a consequence of the fact the parents are all generally friends anyway so it's a chance to have a good chat and muck about while the kids are occupied.

DD1's now frantically planning her party (birthday's not till the bloody summer but she's throwing herself into this with enthusiasm last seen with Royal Wedding preparations) but the kids she wants to invite I reckon the bulk of the parents will stick around and chat anyway (and it's a fairly manageable venue if they don't - she wants a climbing wall party so that makes things very very contained by the nature of it).

Me and DH have a kind of bartering system in place for who endures sticking around at parties - I think the going rate is currently one awful disco and wild children in the local community centre for 2-3 nice sit and drink coffee in soft play parties.