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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving children at party etiquette

319 replies

Mumofthreemonkeychildren · 02/12/2018 21:37

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

OP posts:
Chocolatecake12 · 02/12/2018 21:52

I used to leave my ds aged 6 at parties as I had ds1 at the time and wouldn’t want to add a baby to the party mix but I always checked with parents and most of time knew other parents who were staying at the party.

Xuli · 02/12/2018 21:52

Bit of both here. Often one mum takes several kids from the class and some of us stay. But that's mainly because we're friendly and like to stay for a gossip.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 02/12/2018 21:53

Obviously always thanked etc. Think it is more normal for younger siblings partly because you really don't want older siblings hanging out at a party for 6yr olds and also they see older siblings going alone to party so see that as normal. Mine were most put out when I did stay when they were 4/5.

Deadringer · 02/12/2018 21:53

There have been loads of threads on here before about this but here goes, in my world it is perfectly normal to drop 6 year olds at a party, and assume that they will be supervised and fed by the hosts. I have hosted many parties over the years, and if I happened to have a young baby at the time I got family in to help or had the party at a venue that supplied help. I wouldn't have the headspace for 15 sets of parents in my home. Not thanking you or saying goodbye is rude though.

PeachCokeZero · 02/12/2018 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VioletCharlotte · 02/12/2018 21:54

Parents staying at a six year olds party? Things must have changed since mine were little. I don't remember parents staying once they started school.

MissBartlettsconscience · 02/12/2018 21:57

Surely supervising other people's children is part and parcel of having a party? Round here parents stayed in reception but not from year one onwards.

AutoFilled · 02/12/2018 21:59

YABU. Most parents stopped staying at year 1. By year 2, which I assume your child is, no one will be staying.

namechangedtoday15 · 02/12/2018 21:59

Really? Hmm You invited 15 children (presumably from your DD's Y1 class as she's 6) and you've never met the parents or children? In almost 18 months at school? Why?

I'm gobsmacked that 13 out of 15 patents stayed. In Yr 1?! I don't think anyone stayed at any of my (3) children's 6th birthday parties and I didn't stay at any of the (maybe 10+ each) 6th birthday parties they were invited too.

However, myself and my children would always have thanked the host.

FreeButtonBee · 02/12/2018 21:59

I only stay if one of the kids is having a funny five minutes that day and want me (rare) or it’s a mum who is a mate and I fancy a chat. Or sometimes if they look a bit over whelmed/have been a bit ambitious with the numbers! But totally normal to drop and run here (London, state school, Naice area). Sometimes I come back for the last half hour and help out with the feeding/tidying up.

Pebblesandfriends · 02/12/2018 21:59

It's cheeky. Unless invitation specifically says drop off, then the parents need to stay and supervise. Unfair to expect host parents to do that, they gave enough to be getting in with.

Original poster
Mumofthreemonkeychildren · 02/12/2018 21:59

It was at a busy trampolining place and yes it was fine to have 15 parents there as there was a cafe and we had a tab for the parents to get drinks and food if they wanted.
Maybe it’s just me as I would just be too worried leaving my 6 year old with someone I didn’t know.

OP posts:
CottonSock · 02/12/2018 22:00

I'd rather not have a house full of parents if I was hosting.. I leave my dd1, but check first. She loves the independence

Enidblyton1 · 02/12/2018 22:01

I think it’s fine/normal to drop and run for a 6th party.
But extremely rude not to thank the party host at the end.

Original poster
Mumofthreemonkeychildren · 02/12/2018 22:03

My child has only been at the school for a few months as we’ve recently moved here, hence why I hadn’t met all the parents. I had met most of the others, but funnily enough not the two that left

OP posts:
MrTumblesSpottyHag · 02/12/2018 22:03

Drop and run from reception round here. There are a couple of children who don't like to be left and the mums usually apologise for staying when everyone else has gone!

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 02/12/2018 22:04

It's normal etiquette at 6 to drop and run - in fact sometimes people specify that parents need to leave because of space, usually some stick around - especially of there's nothing nearby to do. Not everyone has childcare for siblings or may have other errands to run. Round here people usually enlist help when hosting a party to make sure the kids will be supervised.

It was rude not to have their children thank you for the party.

Enidblyton1 · 02/12/2018 22:05

Ah, didn’t see your post about it being a trampoline party. I wouldn’t necessarily leave my 5/6 year old at a party at a busy trampoline venue where the party hosts couldn’t possibly keep a watchful eye over every child (unless you had the place to yourselves?)

BlinkyBill · 02/12/2018 22:06

Quite normal here for school aged children to be left at parties.

edwinbear · 02/12/2018 22:06

YABU. At our school people start dropping and running in Y1. Now DD is in Y2 she’d be mortified if I stayed as it would be considered very babyish for her mum to stay Grin

puzzledlady · 02/12/2018 22:08

We have had requests of kids only parties - my child is 4......

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 02/12/2018 22:08

Did you actually pay for the parents to bounce? When we have been to those trampoline parties only 1 or 2 adults are included in the party price and you're not allowed near the trampolines unless you've paid and are wearing the special socks. If parents stay they go up to the cafe and just reappear when it's time to collect their child. The only time I've seen any parents stay was if they had younger siblings who wanted to bounce too.

reluctantbrit · 02/12/2018 22:08

We were asked bu DD to “dump” her at parties around Spring term in Reception unless it was a soft play party.

I may have met some parents before but in Most cases it was a “hey, I am DD’s mum” case.

So for 6 year olds it is perfectly normal. I always insist on a phone number though when greeting a child.

Not saying thank you is not nice but hardly a disaster.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 02/12/2018 22:09

I'm at the point where is love to drop DD off and go. She's 5 and very confident but the few parties her class have had the parents have made it very clear that they expect you to stay with your children.

I just don't see the need at this age. They can go to toilet with no or very little help and are quite capable of asking for something if needed.

I understand when it's a busy place like soft play but when it's just a village hall or someone's house, it seems so silly.

namechangedtoday15 · 02/12/2018 22:10

I think it like most things when j comes down to parenting choices like this - its down to communication. If you were wary
of watching 15 children in a place like that, & you wanted parents to stay, you should have put it on the invitations.