Leaving children at party etiquette

[Mumofthreemonkeychildren]

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

The parents organising the party are surely responsible for supervising the invited children?

I can't imagine organising a party, and expecting other parents to give up their time to supervise. You need to hold smaller parties or draft in your own family/friends to help if you can't manage it on your own.

The last thing any of my kids would want is me hanging around at a party. And I can find lots of other things to do while it's on. Surely it's more difficult to host if you have to cater for the parents as well? Probably some of them have to bring siblings if they're expected to stay. Much easier for everyone to drop and run.

I think like so many things in life this thread shows us how important clear communication is. Want parents to stay? Tell them. want parents to go? Tell them. No right or wrong and no need for angst and upset all round.

My dd (5) invited 8 girls, not a single parent stayed. All friends from school and although I did not know parents by name necessarily, at 5/6 yo I’d expect the child to be able to speak up if something was bothering them, they are left together all day at school. 2 parents out of 15, easy days!

I think that’s a bit off, it’s a bit young if you don’t know who they are and have no way of getting in touch with parents.

The stuff about paedophilia, abduction or injury is just nuts - it’s a birthday party for a 6 year old!

I disagree- it’s not nuts and it does happen. Why take the risk?

Can you link to a single example of where a children’s birthday party turned out to be a front for a paedophile ring?

None of our local soft play centres charge for parents. All the parties I’ve attended have had parents stay and they buy their own drink if they want to, often a snack depending on time of day, pay siblings in and feed them too. When I’ve done parties in a community centre I’ve always put the kettle on and taken tea and coffee with me. Usually what’s already in my cupboard at home and some extra milk. No expense to the host there. Usually the parents pick the left overs at the buffet too. Generally food is not provided for parents - unless it’s one friend who usually orders pizza and always orders enough for parents to have a slice or too!

The parents supervise at soft play for health and safety as there’s more of a risk of injury. Never known parents to drop at soft play h less they’ve made arrangements with another parent to watch their child.

Mrspenfold123 many children have been sexually assaulted in toilets when they were unaccompanied. Last week it happened in my local sainsburys toilets. Children who are left at parties end up going to the toilet on their own in public places.

Mumshappy yes but unaccompanied adults are not allowed into soft play. It is very unlikely that paedophiles are going to be borrowing children to take to soft play so they can abuse other children.

Children who are left at parties end up going to the toilet on their own in public places.

But the only people in soft play toilets are other children

But the only people in soft play toilets are other children confused

I’ve never seen a soft play with separate toilets for children and adults.
And adults accompanying children, or working in the soft play, will need to use the toilets occasionally.

Eldest DS was very clingy; I used to stay with him at parties, as he'd get upset and want to leave if I left him. I was the only parent who stayed and always got looked at / treated like a weirdo or over-protective Mum. It was mortifying.
Youngest DS was much more confident, so I used to leave him and all the other parents left their children.
Both DSs were over 5.

Fairly normal round here for children to be left at parties, from Year 1 age onwards. My experience was that parents stayed in EYFS, and then started to drop and run throughout Y1. By Y2 no parents were staying really, unless good friends of the host and staying to chat and help.

I always said on invitations if I expected parents to stay. Generally I didn't. I ensured I had enough adult help when organising the party.

When dropping DD off I would always go and see the host, and check dropping was fine, and to leave a number. Some parents we knew better than others.

It varies by area. Here, parents stay for 6 year olds and mostly are happy to leave at 7/8. However some need to pop off and always ask/check or arrange with another parent first.

Super cheeky to just go.

I’m amazed it was only 2. I hosted a party this weekend with 12 kids - youngest was 5 eldest 8 and most ages in between. All children were dropped and parents left. I’m a single parent so was entirely alone. I’d hoped someone would stay but didn’t expect it. Few people stay here once in primary.

Ooh, I was flamed for this a few years ago for saying the same thing when we held a 4th birthday!! Personally, I think it’s polite to at least ask the parents if it’s ok, rather than just dumping and running but unfortunately not everyone feels the same.

gamerwidow - you cant assume they would need to borrow children they could have there own. If unaccompanied adults arent allowed in soft play then how do all the parents who leave their kids at parties get back in to pick them up? They just say they are picking X up from a party. No one checks if this is correct. Everyone thinks these places are safe. They arent. They have doors that have to opened by staff who dont pay attention as they are busy. Often the buzzer to get out can be reached by an adult by leaning over. Leaving a small child in this type of environment at a party means the child will not be properly supervised at all times. Its the parents choice whether to do it or not

Just to add I think we hosted identical parties at a busy trampoline place. We had 2 injuries, a fallout, a bit of bad behaviour (I felt able to correct because parent wasn’t there) and a serial crier (again probably easier to sort out minus parent) it’s kind of just to be expected as a party host. Surley DH and 13 other parents it wasn’t a big deal. Trampoline place was also very on top of safety procedures and behaviour when bouncing. I admit it was mildly stressful being entirely alone but parties are usually stressful. To be fair all collecting adults did say thank you.

In our village my 6 year old wanted me to stay at parties but it was unusual and most people dropped and ran.

This is totally normal from school age although not everyone does it, particularly those for whom its their oldest child.

If you want parents to stay you have to say.

However, they should always have thanked you.

I much prefer when the parents just drop them off and comeback later.
If a child is hurt it is still your responsibility even if their parents are there.

Its not my responsibility if a child hurts themselves in a soft play centre or at bowling or in a cinema etc if they are attending my childs party.

Gosh how times have changed from 30 years ago. I dropped and ran from when mine were 3 +. The hosts always had helpers in form of family and friends. Parents were never expected to stay.
When i was young 50+ years ago local friends would bring themselves to and from the party once at school and if not dark!!

I stay. DD is in yr 2. I stay. Not because she wants me to, or I particularly want to, but because life is complicated and she can only be left with DBS checked people (nothing to to with my parenting abilities, just a complex history.)
I am have been to a couple of parties thus where it was made pretty damned obvious I wasn't wanted there...yet I have no choice. Do I tell the world my business and theoretically increase the risk to her/me?*
Do I ask the parents for DBS clearance?
Or, do I just put up with feeling socially excluded and awkward because I want my child to see her friends?

*pretty low risk to her/others. Just me. Still not allowed to DAR at all.

Sometimes it isn't that simple.

When my children were young, the number of guests was the child's age plus one. I did have a couple class parties but i made certain that i had help and it was at an enclosed/private facility (gyms with paid employee chaperones).

I think that they were rude, but you may have been overly ambitious.