Leaving children at party etiquette

[Mumofthreemonkeychildren]

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

It’s much cheekier to assume you are also invited to a party because your child is than to drop them! Of course hosts will provide drinks and coffees for 10 or so parents in a soft play isn’t cheap. Entertaining 10 adults is much harder work than sitting in your arse while 10 kids play.

If you've organised a party you've surely organised activities

yes, but the activity doesn't cover managing a child who wants to wander around, needs the toilets, is being naughty/hungry or hurts himself. with a 5 or 6 year old, I expect the parents to parent. I still expect parents to at least ask if the host needs help for a disco for a 10 to 12 year old, it's just basic manners! Small groups with pre-teens can manage themselves obviously.

Your school has very low quota of teachers, there are a lot more adults in my kids school even at meal time! There's no one responsible for a child on the toilet run as such, but the school is locked, so they are unlikely to escape.

Around here, each party package include entrance for 1 adult with each child. Food and drink usually additional.

Kevin I think this must be a regional thing. I really cannot imagine staying for a 10yo's party, let alone a 12yo's party. Is that the norm where you are?

To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved

This is the other issue I have with 'dump and run' - it's nearly always the parents of the worst behaved kids who do it! I can understand them wanting a break from their DC if they are challenging, but when you have a whole party to keep an eye on it's great if the parent of the DC who always causes issues is there to deal with it, rather than expecting the host or another random parent to do so. I've been to so many parties where the same few kids are the ones hitting others, crying, throwing a hissy fit, throwing food, being cheeky, etc, and it almost always falls to some other random parent to have to try and deal with it, which really isn't reasonable.

You will find it strange Stompy as you have only picked out one part of my post and discounted or misunderstood the other part. Its clear that I mean I want to see my DD enjoying herself watch her blow out her candles take pics etc. I dont want to be doing a headcount of 30 five year olds every ten mins as half of them have been dumped. Of course I would want all the children to enjoy themselves or I would just take DD to a theme park or something instead of paying for a party.

Bumsexatthebingo I really don’t get what kind of a world you live in??!🤣 if a parent invites my child to a public soft play then I am entitled to stay! And I will pay for my own coffee I have done it several times and NEVER had anyone offered to buy me a coffee (because I always had my own first) I am very friendly so I will have quick catch up and go on my merry way to another table and chill out (all the while knowing I am there if my child needs me!) absolutely nothing wrong with that!! I find it highly strange that you find that socially unacceptable!??!🤔

Youmadorwhat - its fully socially acceptable.

Where I live, children are generally left from 6 yrs onward. 2 parents stayed for my son's 6th party (out of 30 children). The parents should have thanked you though and left their contact details.

That would be usual in the bit if the UK I lived in by that age. Not the not saying thank you but no one stayed at my dc's parties by that age. Usually if the parents wanted help they would ask another parent to stay before hand.

Can't believe the split in opinions here, it's hilarious!

I'm starting to think the dump or not dump thing isn't an area/part of the country thing, but perhaps more of a rule decided by group?

Say Audreys birthday is in September, and it's a parents staying one at a softplay, then maybe the all the others follow that lead throughout the school year? As it's normally a majority of schoolfriends attending parties, it's often the same kids more or less going to each one.

If the first one in a school is a dump and run , then other parents will feel they have to follow that lead?

Stompythedinosaur
of course not, parents don't stay then as a rule! To be fair, I can't think of many group or class parties at that age, they are usually small gatherings at more expensive activities

If there was a class party for children as old as 10 year, I think most parents would ask the host if help is needed. It's just basic manners.

At 5 or 6 years old, I can't think of anyone who had to pay for babysitter to get extra help. I don't anyone either whose idea of a party is to invite 10 kids, drop them in a soft play and ignore them for 2 hours whilst drinking their coffee in peace! If

then maybe the all the others follow that lead throughout the school year?
not sure that's true, many parents have older siblings and have behaved the same way over the years.

I do agree with above, the dump and run are usually the parents of the worst kids. No one with the most basic common sense and manners would expect 1 adult to have to be in charge of 20 or 30 kids on their own. Its not even safe.

I do not see a party as free childcare, I see it similar to a play date, a time for DD where in most cases the host doesn’t want parents to stay when the children come to a certain age, especially if you do the party at home,

We had some parties with 8-12 children at home, it would have been a nightmare to fit the parents in as well, no idea where I would have left them to sit. At hall parties I do not really care, i have drinks and biscuits, if used great, if not no problem.

If the party is done by a good friend, I will offer to stay and help.sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no. I normally come back a bit early to help with clear up though.

Pool parties under 8 need a certain adult to child ratio and DH often offered to go into the water with them. If a child is part of a soft play party booked as a package parents can stay for free, when DD was under 6 i did so as she wasn’t comfortable in theses places anyway and needed reassurance to be happy.

If you cannot think to handle the guests invite a smaller group next time.

I do not see a party as free childcare
I do and I merrily skip away from them safe in the knowledge DD is someone else problem for 2 hours

But I don't think most people would assume a single adult would invite 30 kids if they hadn't arranged extra people to be there to supervise? I know I rope in gps and sometimes a mum or two I am friendlier with and arrange for them to stay to help out.

I think it is just another thing (like playing out and inviting siblings to parties) that is just different in different places.

They dont know though Stompy as they dont check they just assume its a free pass to leave them from some of the responses on here. Thats seems to be the main issue

But if someone offers to host my dc that means (to me, and amongst the people I see regularly) that they are willing to look after them!

Just like I invite dc (for parties and playdates) only when I am able to look after them.

For me it would be a bit like another mum offering to have my dc over after school and me ringing them to check that they are happy to supervise them during the time they are at their house, I just think it is implied (while I accept this is not true in some areas/groups).

That's your perception through so you do need to at least ask, surely at that age?

I think next time ask parents to stay if you have no helpers . Maybe invite less next time. But as a mum i would be concerned as to who was at the party eg relatives older children thier freinds or lodgers. If i didn't know the family i would stay. Abuse can happen anywhere at any time. from working in a childrens home children can also be abusers.

But if someone offers to host my dc that means (to me, and amongst the people I see regularly) that they are willing to look after them!

YOUR DC and your DC only at a playdate, yes of course.
20 or 30+ 5 year old? Of course not. It wouldn't occur to me that the parents had to pay for childcare on top of the party to look after the group.

The parent invite the group to a party, they provide a venue, some kind of entertainment or activity, food and drink, nowhere is it written they provide a babysitter.

If the school organise a party, a disco, a movie, or whatever after class activity they do, I don't expect them to provide the childcare either. They ask for volunteers, and if not enough adults are ready to help, then the activity is cancelled. Younger children need some kind of assistance, it's common sense.

house parties are different. No one throws house parties for little kids around here, they are too much effort and too much mess

I would assume it was ok now DS is in Jrs but I'd find the mum and ask on drop off and leave my number not just launch him in and leg it.

posted too soon.
I am glad all the local parents around here, or pretty much all the parents have the same understanding. If it was drop and run only, there would be no parties of more than 3 kids, 4 at a push, and all the birthday children would miss out .It would be a great shame.

I think the difference is that if i invited my Dds friend to my house to play i would consider myself fully responsible for said child. If i had a party in a soft play area for a class of five year olds i would not consider myself fully responsible. Its not my home, there are members of the general public there and 30 party guests. I was trying to make the point that in my experience (eldest is nearly 15) smaller children left in these circs are not really supervised. If the parents are happy with this thats fine but i waited to leave mine until they started year 3. I considered their understanding of dangers and maturity level.its the assumption to just dump them i dont like for various reasons. I think people need to communicate better as theres obviously strong feeling on both sides of this discussion myself included

I think I’d be politely declining some of the parties on here. I’d have to pay for a present, find childcare for my other children and pay entry for myself because the party hosts cba with a child they have specifically invited to their party. No ta!

Perfectly normal in my area to leave kids at that age. In fact I think most people prefer if you do and I would think it odd if you stayed with your 6 yr old. I always write drop off at x time on invites to discourage any adults from staying. But I know most of the parents and could contact them in an emergency. I also would have no problems telling unruly kids to settle down.