Leaving children at party etiquette

[Mumofthreemonkeychildren]

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

So if you're having a party at a cinema
realistically, you don't invite more than 3 children when they are 5 or 6. It's only later that you can have 10 kids pretty unattended at the cinema, and even it's a bit much to guarantee peace and quiet for the other paying customers!

I would never invite a child more than once if his parents dropped off and run without saying anything. I am happy to throw a party for my kid, not to provide free childcare!

RedSky agreed. I should have said that I think dropping off is pretty normal for a 6yo party.

At least it is where I live. Perhaps it is different in other areas. When I invite I make sure I have enough adults to supervise the dc (some of whom might be parents I've asked to stay and help).

For the people for whom it is normal to stay at parties, what age do you start dropping off?

theonlyKevin - i agree. From reading all these posts it does come across like the droppers( who assume they have the right to just do this without asking) think its free childcare. The sad thing is during all these parties they have attended no one has been watching their children really

So would you pay for all the parents tickets at the cinema then? That would get very expensive. Or would the parent have to pay £15 or however much it is now for themselves to come to your child’s party?

All these people who think they are being ever so polite staying with their kids wen half the time they can’t actually supervise anyway if it’s a playcentre type set up. You do realise that you are causing extra expense for the hosts having to provide you with tea and coffee and possibly food as well. It would be much less cheeky to just drop the person who has been invited - your child!

When I’ve had playcentre type parties I have sat and drunk tea while the chidren played then the host gathers them up and takes them to the party room for food then the parents come and collect. What ‘looking after’ are other parents doing? I would be doing much more ‘looking after’ of any adults who chose to stay!

Really, surely 5/6 is the time for whole class parties, while friendships are still relatively fluid. It's as they get older and friendships more fixed they can pick 2/3/10 people.

I am completely agreed that not talking to the host before dropping or saying thank you at collection is bad. I always make sure I've had a quick chat, hi and double check collection time etc and then make sure the child has said thanks to hosts and happy birthday to child before we leave.

I know that I would not be able to look after 20 kids in a hall while doing food and entertainment with just one other adult so I don't book those type of parties. I would do soft play or similar but couldn't pay for extras. I would be more than happy to supervise 10 kids at the cinema with one other adult, one to sit and one to supervise toilet runs. I couldn't pay for 8 other parents to watch just in case their kid needs the loo.

How do you think teachers manage with 30!

teachers do NOT manage 30 kids at meal time, during movie nights, when they go on outings.. they ask for parents helper and they have specific ratios depending on the set up of the place they are visiting. Around here when the kids walk across town for a visit, or take the train, it's at least 1 adult for 3 children or the day out doesn't happen.

When you host a party in a soft play, a farm, or a sport center, the party prices include 1 adult entry anyway, and they can purchase their own refreshments or the party hosts provide some drinks and nibbles - each family decide.

It's so entitled and rude to expect the host to look after all the kids, help them with toilets, ensure they don't get hurt or run away, serve the food and so on.

Soft play etc are great for that, you can bring another sibling and pay separately, so you don't impose on the host who won't even know if another child is around - unless they have reserved the entire soft play.

Thankfully, most people in my area seem to have manners.

Bumsexatthebingo I never expect anyone to pay for my tea/coffee or food when I bring my child to a soft play party. That would be odd! In fact I pay for my other child and sit at the opposite side and let my 5yr old know where I am. No harm in that. She never wants me to leave anyway

Yeah great manners expecting to be catered for as well as your child!
Who serves food at a soft play? The staff do it and all the clearing up. Children can’t just run out either. Absolutely no need for adults to hang around and helicopter their school age kids at the hosts expense.

I can only think of one venue used by any of us in the 6 years that included one free adult per child. That's from nursery up to year 4 and maybe 15 venues or so.

Well you might not expect to be catered for but most hosts will at least want to provide hot drinks for parents who stay.

Why would parents who stay at parties expect food and drink? They buy their own. Teachers are paid to do a job. If its my DDs birthday party its about her. Im not chasing round after unsupervised children who have been dumped. Yes i will supervise but i wont know where 30 chidren are at all times in a massive soft play area. Your child gets hurt or lost its not my fault. I wouldnt put myself in that postion anyway. Your child just wouldnt be invited

Like I said parents may not expect it but hosts will feel obliged to provide it.

Parents round me stay for any that isn't in a house right through to Y2. They sit, chat, etc. Some parents will drop and run from Y1 but usually when they've arranged for another parent to keep an eye on their child, there's friendship between parents and they help each other out with parties, or the parent has checked with the host parent first. If the party host doesn't want parents to stay, then they say so explicitly on the invitation.

Small parties in someone's home don't need parents to stay from Reception/Year 1. Or small events with less than half a dozen children might mean the parents don't stay (but then the host parents usually transport the kids too).

So to me a parent dumping and running a Y1 child would seem very odd.

But I have friends in other parts of the UK where it's quite normal for parents to leave 4 and 5 year olds at parties. One of my friends used to stay, even though most didn't, and always ended up helping someone else's child wash their hands/open a toilet door/mop tears/etc.

I'd go with what the majority do in your area and as 13 of 15 parents stayed, I'd say that's the norm for where you live. Maybe these parents had asked someone else to keep an eye on their child? Maybe they're just CFers?

but most hosts will at least want to provide hot drinks for parents who stay

you have to be pretty tight if you can't be bothered to offer a jug of squash or a cup of tea, but as many people on MN are happy to charge their wedding guests for their drinks, I guess some people are that stingy.

i have been to quite a few soft play or other parties where the only food and drinks were for the little guests. Parents just bought their own or nothing, it's so simple in real life, no one is bothered about it.

Maybe that's part of the regional differences then, what the local venues offer. Here at a soft play, each additional adult is between 50p and £1 depending which of the 4 you are at and even a cheap cup of tea is £1 so if 20 parents stay, then you are looking at an extra £30 maybe. You don't have to be tight for that to be an unaffordable extra expense.

Bumsexatthebingo what?? I have been on the other side too where parents have stayed with their kids and I never once felt obliged to feed them!! 🤣I think you are taking this all wrong! Just because someone invites you to a party doesn’t mean you get to absolve yourself of your own parenting ways. I am very child centered and if my child doesn’t feel comfortable at a party of a child in her class under the supervision of a parent she doesn’t know very well, then I am going to stay!! If they feel put out then that’s their own problem.

My youngest is 6 in January. No I wouldn't leave him. Other two are 9 and 14 and no one left kids that young at any party they went to either apart from the odd couple. It wasn't the norm.

I don’t feel strongly about this either way. If people drop then it’s important that the host has their number.

I do sometimes find it awkward when the guest parents say they are leaving but make a point of asking me to keep an eye on their kid. Once more than four kids’ parents do this, I’m unlikely to be able to keep an eye in the way that they’re looking for.

After reception year, I have always dropped DCs off at parties, unless parents have been specifically invited.

I think me dropping off has possibly raised a few eyebrows in DC2's class, as the parents almost always stay (both parents plus siblings is not uncommon!!!).

When we invited the whole class, I said "drop off fine" on the invitation and made sure we had plenty of adult helpers (inc a few mum friends from the class), but we still had 40 adults and 12 siblings to cater for...

Our local soft play (site of many parties) charges £3.95 for an adult to enter and £3 for a hot drink.
If parents want to come, they can pay for themselves. Luckily no one thinks this makes the party host stingy.

If its my DDs birthday party its about her. Im not chasing round after unsupervised children who have been dumped.

I find this really strange, surely that's like saying you will invite kids for playdates but you won't look after them during the playdate. I think that part of hosting a party for kids is looking after them. I also don't believe a party is just about the birthday child, if I invite kids I try to ensure they all have an equal good time.