Leaving children at party etiquette

[Mumofthreemonkeychildren]

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

We had one parent leave their 3 year old at one of our parties. It was soft play and we hadn’t met the parents before. I couldn’t believe they left them in our care having never met us. Poor child didn’t even know he’d been left. We had to keep a close eye on them.

I’ve said it on a thread like this before but I’ll say it again.

When I was a child all children were left at parties, it was not expected for parents to stay and probably would have been weird tbh. A lot of parties were held in people’s homes with party games and such, there simply wouldn’t have been space for everyone’s parents as well! We also loved the independence from our parents for a while.

*I’m not spending a portion of my weekend at someone else’s kids birthday party so yes, I leave my DC. I also have other DC and don’t always have childcare so unless they want to accept my other children as part of the party then...

It’s absolutely fine and imo NORMAL to leave children at a party. Maybe not under four but once they’re reception age it’s fine*

As you say, that's your opinion.

IMO It isn't normal to leave 4,5,6 year olds in a public place for one or maybe 2 people to look after. That isn't safe.

You're not spending a proportion of your weekend at some other kids birthday party? That's called being a parent! .

If you have childcare issues, decline the party invite or pay for your other child to enter the place where the party is at.

What did it say on the invitation?

If i got an invite for my child, i would expect the invite to be for my child and not me.
If it said on the invitation parents will have a bar tab etc then it would be clear the invite was for me.

I don't remember my parents ever staying with me at a party when I was young...
I just thought it was normal to drop children off if the party is at a house or unless otherwise stated on the invitation.

No parents don’t stay at a party for a 6 yr old
It would be weird if they did

I had a whole class party for my 6 year old’s birthday, and totally didn’t expect the vast majority to drop and run. Suddenly found myself looking after 24 kids!!!! Nightmare. The worst thing was half way through I realised in little girl was missing. Looked everywhere for her, and after 5 mins of looking realised i’d Have to ring her mum. Rang her 3 times, no reply, half hour passed, I was totally panicking and about to call police when the mum rang me to say «sorry I didn’t answer, was driving, just got your message when we got back. Thanks for party, DD loved it. I had to pick her up early, but didn’t want to disturb you to say bye as you looked busy with the party» !!!!!!!!!!!

Gobsmacked.

I was at a reception aged birthday party years ago and all the mums stayed bar one. Her child choked quite badly on some food and we all had to deal with it. No one told her when she came back as there was no way to say it without being judgy ( which we all were). She was an odd mum anyway - she sent her baby toWales with her parents every week rather than put it in a nursery, so only saw her youngest child at the weekend.

For DD's 6th birthday we put on the envelope that parents weren't expected to stay.
We didn't want them as they tend to chat too loudly and then you can't hear the party entertainer, you have to feed them and also we didn't want any siblings to attend.
The children were all absolutely fine, but we did make sure we had mobile numbers for all the parents.

It's so rude to leave the child and run! I cannot believe how entitled and CF some parents are!

If it's a house party, the least you can do is ASK! It's possible the parents prefer that you don't stay, but my kids have also been invited to home parties where the parents had organised a buffet bbq for the adults. If you don't ask, how will you know.

It's a party anywhere else, why do you expect the organiser to babysit your child? Do you really believe one parent, maybe a couple, will be comfortable managing 15 or 20 kids or more toilet breaks, safety whilst enjoying seeing their own child having fun?

If you can't be bothered, decline the party invitation and do something.
It's amazing how lazy, rude and entitled parents become.

Would you really leave half a dozen 6 years old to a friend at a zoo or something, or would you offer to help and make sure they all are safe and she stays sane? Why would you think it's acceptable to leave sometimes 20 to 30 kids to one parent because it's a birthday?

I have never seen parent drop and run, so I am glad it's not a "thing" where I live.

YANBU OP and I have two kids who've recently been this age. At a busy trampoline place its just not safe IMO to leave such small DC basically unsupervised, because no parent, however conscientious, can keep an eye on 15 DC. Someone is always can wandering off or needs the loo, etc.

If the party is at their house, then that's different and IME parents will usually say whether it's a 'drop and go' party or invite parents to stay, but I'd be less nervous of leaving a small DC where there is a closed front door.

As for the parents not even knowing you - yes I had that at DS2's last party (he was 7). Parents of a new boy, only just joined the school, dumped him and ran. I didn't even know the boy's name, let alone his parents or their phone number if, god forbid, I'd needed to contact them. I was pretty pissed off tbh.

I held a party at home for my 8year old yesterday. I sent out the invites and waited for rsvps. I only invited kids where I knew the parent's. I knew who was comming. Parents were told to return later to collect. I don't understand how you ended up with kids you don't know.

If you work, you don't always get to meet the parents at drop off and pick-up. If you only invite kids you do know, you might end up with no one.

I don't know half the parents or the kids from my own kids class, how would I ever meet them all?

DD is in year 1, and so far, for most of the parties parents have stayed and chatted. DD is a summer born, so I would be uncomfortable leaving her. That might change as she gets closer to 6. Having done two home parties myself, I know how unlikely it is that the host will be able to supervise a load of kids properly.

NB: I work, so while I know a few parents by name and a few by sight, I certainly don’t know all the kids or parents. And I wouldn’t say to DD ‘no you can’t invite that person because I don’t know them’.

OutPinked - i wouldnt have invited your children whilst they were in rec, year 1 and 2. Your attitude is entitled and I would explain my reasoning to you face to face. A party in a public venue is not child care and the hosts are not bound to supervise your children accordingly. General supervision yes. If something were to happen the hosts are not responsible for the children who are left. Would you allow a 5/6 year old to go to a supermarket toilet unattended? Its only the same

Ynbu
We had a 3yr old left at my little boys 5th party. Big party, lots of kids and didn't all know each other. The childs parents didn't ask or mention they we're dropping and running. Poor lad got upset at some point and we were looking for the parents and only then realised when another parent told us they'd gone! I was so shocked.

I would only leave mine if it was explicit on the invite, or I checked first. Recently I have asked a parent of a good friend of my child who said they'd be staying if they'd mind watching mine too as we had things we needed to do and other wise he couldn't go.

I agree spending 2hrs of your life at the weekend sitting at a child's birthday party, especially if you aren't friendly with other parents, is a drag but it's just part of parenting responsibility!!! If in doubt - ask if OK to leave, its just common curtesy.

I think that unless an invite specifies that someone needs to stay then it is pretty normal to drop off.

You're definitely not being unreasonable - that used to drive me nuts when my kids were young!!

I think that unless an invite specifies that someone needs to stay then it is pretty normal to drop off.

well, no, it's exactly the opposite. Unless it's stated that you can drop off, you are expected to stay and look after your own child!
If it's a home party, it's a bit different of course, but in a hall, a soft play, cinema or any sport centre, the parents are responsible and should look after their own kids.

Nothing wrong with joining forces with friends and 1 adult bringing 2 or 3 at a push and being in charge of them. You just don't leave all the work to the host!

I always check prior but since turning 5 it is pretty much dump and run.

We did have an issue when one child kept running off when the door was open and I mean proper legging it, we called her mum who refused to come back as she'd just met a friend for coffee.

Luckily my DD, although no saint, wouldn't behave like that.

I think this thread shows that you need to be clear on the invitation whether or not parents are expected to stay. For every parent who will think you’re a cheeky fucker for dropping your child there will be another who won’t want parents staying giving them double the guests to entertain and cater for.

This sort of thing varies by area/school.
Pretty much no one stayed at parties here once the DC started school whereas SIL remarked once that she was looking forward to Y3 and not having to stay at parties ...

For DC up to 3 I think you can expect parents to stay.
For 4/5 I think you'll get a mix
6 upwards I'd assume the default was to drop and run, but I'd at least expect parents to come and say hello.

It's not different to play dates really? I didn't have a parent staying at a play date beyond Reception.

I do think the onus is on the party organiser to check they have enough supervising adults (by roping in other parents of guests if necessary). For something like a trampolining party I would have checked this before dropping of my DC.

So if you're having a party at a cinema and you've invited 10 kids, bought tickets and a kids snack box or whatever, who pays for the parents' tickets? I would be annoyed to have to pay to stay. Or do you half the amount of invited kids so you can pay for a load of parents. If I invite kids to a party I take responsibility for them for that time, I don't invite more than I can deal with based on my available help and type of party.

I think that unless an invite specifies that someone needs to stay then it is pretty normal to drop off.

This is very age specific though? For a 2 year old you wouldn't specify that a parent had to stay as they all naturally would.
For a 10 year old you wouldn't expect parents to stay and it would be odd to write this on an invitation.
Where's the line in the middle where it's a grey area? I'd suggest 5 is probably the turning point, but others on this thread think younger or older.

It’s normal to leave them from school age here and I never expected parents to stay when we hosted parties, with the exception of a pool party that required an adult/child ratio - I did rally a few parents for that. Over the years, with three children, we’ve hosted parties in soft play venues, leisure centres, halls, our house, the cinema, pizza places, craft stores, a beauty salon shop... We’ve always managed to keep them safe. I was a lot more particular about leaving my children for a sleep over if I didn’t know the parents well or who else lived in their house, but not parties.

It seems to be an unwritten secret policy you are expected to know when it comes to parties as it can differ depending on the group, the activities, where in the world you are etc. For my eldest ALL parties attended up to year 3 had parents staying. The odd one or two would ask first and drop to tend to their other children. It was also seen as acceptable for siblings to attend too - I know this is frowned upon elsewhere. Once they’ve got older there have been less class parties and more smaller type events where we have dropped unless distance has been an issue. Fast forward to my younger daughter and she started the whole class parties where parents stayed and then was invited to a 6 year olds party early in y1. She’s an August birthday so very young and had just turned 5. Arrived at the salon to be told there was no space for parents to say so come back. My child got upset. It was a small select group for a pamper party. The mum said I could stay but it felt awkward so I sneaked out when my child has calmed down and found her feet. Went for coffee down the road to a Costa as distance was too far and I’d already paid for parking for the full party time. When she was invited to a couple of similar parties the same year I was more prepared. The full class parties still had parents staying though in the community centre or social club room with the odd parent asking someone else to mind their child if they couldn’t stay.
When my daughter eventually turned 6 I did put it on the invite for parents to stay as I didn’t want to be responsible - it was a beach party - and siblings were welcome. A couple were still dropped off though. I needed the extra eyes as I couldn’t prepare food in a beach hut whilst children played in the sea!! My older (9) had the same party and I said they could drop off but a couple of parents stayed and helped. I really appreciated that help.