Leaving children at party etiquette

[Mumofthreemonkeychildren]

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

I always plan children's parties giving consideration to the age and number of children invited, and choose the activity and venue to suit.

I don't understand when people say the hosts are too busy to supervise the children, what are they doing, assuming it's a party venue? The venue cook the food and serve it, bring out the cake, entertain the kids, what else is there to do? The toilets are usually in the same room and the door is locked and manned by staff so no chance of kids escaping. Or are only Irish party venues like this? Genuinely curious.

I'm a bit surprised that you don't know the parents of your 6 y.o DC friends tbh. I used to know all my DCs friends parents at that age.

Nevertheless, they should really have cleared it with you to go, as a 6 y.o. is very young - still an infant.

To just ditch the child and bugger off without making sure it's OK is a bit rude. Especially if you don't know the people!

So YANBU.

YANBU, really rude not to arrange it with you first.

Much less work to look after (ignore while they play) a bunch of kids than it is to run around making drinks and waiting on accompanying adults imo. And if you don’t have a big house parents staying halves the number of friends your child can invite.

At 6 most people drop off where we are. I always check with host it's ok to go/offer to stay and help but I don't expect everyone does. I have my husband, sister and parents around to help supervise. I would be struggling for space if all parents stayed.

Round here for pre-school age you stay unless you know the other parent outside the nursery. In reception it's about 50/50 depending on the confidence levels of the kids and type of party. By year 1 it's pretty much always drop and run unless requested on invitation or you know the parents outside school.

I always ensured I had enough people on hand that I felt happy. Called in aunts/uncles and grandparents or I booked a party somewhere the venue did everything.

Slight side note, I'm not sure if be thrilled at a trampolining party at one these new-ish parks unless it was sole use. Too much potential for injury or accidents at 6, I'd do something like that at 9, 10, 11.

Blimey I left mine at reception parties onwards. Everyone did. I guess we knew each other tho as they were at school together and we saw parents/GPS at pick up.

Did you have 13 parents at the party op? That sounds like a bit of a mare tbh.

This always seems fairly 50/50 split. In camp one- if they are toilet trained they're old enough to go on their own, car slowed down but not completely stopped outside of venue and away parents speed (my parents, what I'd like to do) v's the can't be unsupervised u too at least 25- and all siblings will be tagging along too brigade. I didn't realise staying was a 'thing' until we had a party for 5 year olds. No one left and I hadn't catered for the adults. Have learnt my lesson now.

Drop and run from reception age for my three and their peers.

Here the general rule of thumb is that once they are school age it’s drop and go with parents quickly introducing themselves before leaving.

I always assume that now and I wouldn’t be able to recognise most of the other parents as I’m never at the school so only see them at the parties.

OK read the thread now
Yy I also don't understand what the host has to do apart from supervise the guests. What else are you all doing, writing your Christmas cards or sonething? It's the job of the hosts to supervise - 6yos can take themselves to the loo (may ask where to go) and should be able to manage party games and tea. I tried not to invite more than Dh and I could wrangle together.

They didn’t just leave their child on their own with someone they didn’t know though. They left them with 14 of their class mates and several parents from their child’s class. Plus it was a supervised activity. It’s not like they left them at a sleepover at your house without meeting you first.

Children who are left at party venues are very rarely supervised. Ive seen this so many times.

I know my dsis drops my 6 year old nephews at parties and has done for a year. Its kinda how birthday parties work after 5. Id be more surprised if parents stayed. Maybe one or two parents to help as prearranged but no more than that

My eldest is in Year 2 and most parents still stay.

Somewhere public like a busy trampolining place, soft play etc, then it’s definitely still normal for whoever’s brought the children to stick around.

Somewhere more private, like a hired community hall, then dropping and leaving is getting more usual, but parents who live further out from the venue are still generally sticking around.
Probably more because the extra driving is a PITA for a 2 hour drop and run party that’s 30 mins + away than because the kids need the extra supervision.

There’s been very few parties in classmates homes.

At 6 I think it is fine. I was ok when mine hit reception for them to be left. When you have more than 1 it becomes harder to remain without the issue of what to do with the older/younger ones.

Quite a few parents seem to treat a party as an afternoon with free childcare.

I did a swimming party for DD when she was 8. It was the easiest party ever, had the pool to ourselves, food and party bags provided, I just did a cake.
However one parent dropped her daughter off and failed to mention she couldn't swim. Luckily I noticed that she didn't seem to be moving well in the water while they were playing ball in the shallow end. When the pool attendants suggested heading to the deep end for some jumping in I asked her if she was OK in the deep end and she replied "well, it's just that I can't swim"....

If you do a swimming party I strongly advise checking children can swim!

I had my DS 5th birthday at home last week, new to the area so no one knows us except hello at school since August. All age 5 classmates. No parents stayed, a couple text to ask and I said just drop off. It would have been much harder to have entertained parents too so I'm really glad no one insisted on staying. Kids had a ball!

We had DD6 party recently and all parents left bar one who helped is out as she is a friend as well as parent of DD friend.

TBH we only invited children who we are familiar with through playdates/ after school activities. Children that my child is actually friends with. I think your mistake was inviting children that you don't know.

Also having to look after siblings when you're meant to be hosting a party for one of your other children adds to the stress. I am not saying they shouldn't have been there but perhaps someone else in your family could have kept an eye on them leaving you to concentrate on the party.

There is no excuse for bad behaviour or bad manners though and I am sorry that you had to experience that- I hope your child managed to have a fun party.

I should have clarified from the beginning that it was in a public busy trampolining place, the parents didn’t have to sit there and watch the kids if they didn’t want and there was a tab at the cafe for them to get whatever they wanted.

We didn’t have the place all to ourselves.

All my family live overseas so didn’t have the extra hands unfortunately. :-( just me and DH

I wanted my child to have the best party as has recently started at the school hence why I didn’t know all the parents and I also thought it was a good opportunity to get to know the parents whilst the kids were playing.

My child did have the best time, said it was the best day ever! Lol and apart from the one child that was left misbehaving it was okay with them being left really.

I was just asking as I, myself wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my child in a public place, especially if they could get hurt etc but I suppose it’s highly dependant on the event, circumstances and your own choice.

Thanks everyone, I think for the next birthday I’ll ask if the parents want to stay or leave their kids. That way there’s no surprises.

I've left my DS2 (5) a couple of times, but have notified others there in advance or before leaving. I have DS1 to consider too. One party straddled his sports lesson, at another it was in a sports hall, so we went swimming up the opposite end of the building rather than DS1 sitting on the sidelines for two hours.

Generally parents stay to socialise and there's very little actual supervision or support required. DS2 is a very competant, confident sort of child who is happy to get himself sorted for any rare queries required.

I state drop off here as do most parents

On the odd occasion that someone doesn't state drop off on the invite I always plan to stay and leave if the parent seems to expect me to

DS is 6

year 1 here - parents usually stay.