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AIBU?

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Original poster

Leaving children at party etiquette

319 replies

Mumofthreemonkeychildren · 02/12/2018 21:37

We had our child’s 6th birthday party and two of the parents just dropped their children off and came back a few hours later to pick them up. It may not have been so bad if I had met the people and their child before but I didn’t even have a clue who their kids were and all of a sudden I have been given the responsibility of not only hosting a party for 15 kids, looking after my own 3 children, aged 6, 2 and 6 months but now another two people’s children. To top it off one of the kids was really badly behaved and upset the other kids and then also when the parents collected their children they left without saying goodbye and didn’t even thank me for the party or looking after their children. I just don’t get why someone would leave their kids with someone they’ve never met, they could be leaving them with peodophiles or they could be abducted by someone else If I wasn’t paying attention to them or get lost and hurt and I’d be the one held responsible for it... am I being unreasonable to think that 6 is too young to leave your child at a party with someone you’ve never met before?

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 02/12/2018 22:12

Drop and run didn’t really happen until 7+

Most parents had a similar outlook. And yes the badly behaved ones were usually the ones who’s parents had left but maybe that’s why they were naughty! No parents to keep them in check.

Eatmycheese · 02/12/2018 22:14

Depends on the venue, their ages and also if you know or have met parents and this is agreed and understood or some informal level. Too many variables for it to be yes or no. For what amounts to total strangers leaving their young children with you in a public space with no introduction or then a thank You is not on at all. I would have been unhappy about this, especially given the fact it wasn’t even in your home.

I quite like going to my son’s friends’ parties he is only four and most of them have lovely mums. We all have a cup of tea and watch them flinging themselves about. It’s normally the only time I get to sit down and eat cake and drink something vaguely hot. Result.

Petalflowers · 02/12/2018 22:15

I wouldn’t expect the parents to stay. However, I would expect the parents to speak to the host, and give a mobile mumber before leaving.

HellenaHandbasket · 02/12/2018 22:16

They were rude not to say hi, bye etc but leaving kids at 6 is totally the norm here. My kids would never have it but most do.

Mumshappy · 02/12/2018 22:17

Realistically at any party place or hired place those children who are dropped off and left are not supervised. The host is too busy. Ive seen children go outside buildings and stopped them (not my dds party) have toilet accidents and eat food thats i know is against their religion.

mummysherlock · 02/12/2018 22:18

My DD is 6 nearly 7 and in Yr 2. If she is invited to a soft play type party where the venue is open to Joe public aswell then I stay, however if it is a ‘closed event’ in a community hall or someone’s home I drop and go and have been doing this for the past year. The only parents who seem to stay at these parties now are those whose DC have SN. I do always leave a contact number with the hosts and expect DD to thank them upon leaving.

angelikacpickles · 02/12/2018 22:19

YABU. Completely normal to drop and go for a sixth birthday. I would find it unusual if a parent stayed at six. Quite normal to drop and go for fifth birthdays as well, although usually quite a few stay.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 02/12/2018 22:21

When I've hosted parties for both of mine at 6 I think some people stayed and some dropped them off - I always have plenty of drinks and nibbles for the parents if they want to stay, but equally I don't mind the kids being left. I always have plenty of adult helpers in the way of family around.

Youmadorwhat · 02/12/2018 22:21

I find ppl here in Ireland do that A LOT my little one has had her last 3 birthdays here and her 4th and 5th birthdays most of the parents just drop and leave. I have never done it, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Whenever I bring her to s party I’m always told I don’t have to stay and this is in public soft play places. My nephew once got locked in a bathroom at a party for somewhere between 10-20 mins (he was 7) NO ONE knew where he was for that duration so he was unaccounted for!! That freaks the crap out of me as ANYTHING could have happened!!

Barbie222 · 02/12/2018 22:22

No, it wouldn't occur to me to stay. It's a bit odd that people are complaining about having to supervise children at a children's birthday party of their own initiative and organising! If you don't do supervision of groups of children very well, make the move to a bestie cinema trip or similar for next year's party.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/12/2018 22:23

Around my way, it would be very unusual to stay at a 6 year olds party.
Some drop and run at 4 yo, most at 5, and I only know one mum who stayed for her 6yo.

CocoDeMoll · 02/12/2018 22:23

I provide booze and bbq for the adults. They all stay Grin.

Dd is a summer born 5 and I’m friends with most of the parents.

Mumshappy · 02/12/2018 22:26

There is general supervision like making sure all the children have eaten, arent injuring one another, organising games etc. But in a public place you cant follow every child around or accompany them to the toilet.

pinkhorse · 02/12/2018 22:27

I wouldn't expect parents of 6 year olds to stay at a party. Once ds started school parents started leaving children at parties.

Watsername · 02/12/2018 22:29

I would expect a child who is at school to be left at the party (unless it specifically said that you expected the parent to stay). Likewise, I would expect a parent to stay with a preschool child.

In the future set the expectation on the invitation...?

SoftSheen · 02/12/2018 22:34

When my DD was 6, she had her birthday party at home. Only 1 out of 10 guests had a parent stay with them. YABU I'm afraid!

halcyondays · 02/12/2018 22:35

It's normal to drop them off at age 6. I'd always make sure they have a contact number for us and say thank you.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/12/2018 22:36

The etiquette clearly varies from region to region.
Some places, hosts would be 'wtf?' if a parent tried to stay for a 5 year old.
Other places, like this one, hosts are 'wtf?' If they don't stay for a 6 year old.
No set rule. So, at 4yo (when it starts), write your expectations on invite.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 02/12/2018 22:37

But in a public place you cant follow every child around or accompany them to the toilet.

Surely that isn't required for a group of 6 year olds? They tend to take themselves to the loo when needed by that age (most don't need to go during a 2 hour party). Whenever I've done parties I've always had backup (friends and family usually) to help with the masses.

Orlande · 02/12/2018 22:38

Normal to leave school age children at a party.

In future, don't invite more guests than you are prepared to host.

Twodogsandahooch · 02/12/2018 22:40

Drop and run quite normal in year 1 round here.

Mumshappy · 02/12/2018 22:41

I just made it clear when DD was an infant where I stood. I am friendly with nearly every parent in her class. Most of them are of the same mindset. We would all stay at the parties drink coffee and eat cake. Its different now they are older.

HauntedPencil · 02/12/2018 22:41

I wouldn't assume it was drop and run in year one unless it explicitly said so.

bellie710 · 02/12/2018 22:43

Once they are in school we always drop and leave, in nursery we stay.

Mumshappy · 02/12/2018 22:43

I dont personally want a five/six year old going to a toilet in a public place alone.

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