Six weeks ago on Saturday morning I woke up at 4am to my husband pushing a pillow into my face, stopping me from breathing, and screaming at me "This is just a taste of what you've got to come... You'll have to spend the rest of your life watching your back..." etc. I had our 8 month old baby cuddled up next to me at the time.
He eventually stopped, threw the pillow down, shouted some more abuse and threats, then left the room. After I dithered and rang my mum and dithered some more, I eventually called the police, who arrested him and held him in custody for the remainder of the day while I crammed as many of my belongings as I could into my car and then drove the 350 miles to my parents house, where I have been living in fear ever since, as I know he knows where I am.
The night this happened, I had just told my husband that I would like to separate, due to his episodes of violent rage happening with increasing frequency (although not usually directed at me). It made me feel vulnerable and I didn't want to raise my son around that. Once he threw our barbecue across the road. Another time he said he was going to find our landlord and stamp on his head. I needed to get out. And when I tried, that is what happened.
For the last 6 weeks, I haven't heard anything at all from him. He his still on police bail while the CPS make a decision as to whether or not to bring charges, and his bail conditions stipulate that he can't contact me directly or indirectly in the interim. His job is very important to him and is very much in the public eye (absolutely not a celebrity or anything of the sort, but a totally unique role and he is frequently asked to do interviews for the news etc.), and so a breach of bail leading to a criminal conviction would be terrible news for him. But as soon as those bail conditions are lifted - 350 miles is nothing to an angry bastard who has been subject to criminal proceedings and hasn't seen his only son in nearly 2 months, so I'm frightened. I've started locking myself in the house, I have had a lock put on my bedroom door, and I carry a secret camera on my wrist at all times even when I'm in the house, just in case he turns up. Being assaulted in your home with no witnesses and thus slim-to-nil chances of prosecution makes you really desperate to PROVE this shit.
Anyway, we had only been married a year, whirlwind romance etc. He really got me. It turns out this whole time we have been separated he has been messaging my mum, asking for photos of the baby and wanting to arrange contact with him. She obligied and sent him photos, without telling me, as she understandably thought I was too fragile at the time. Now that I know, I have asked her to please stop replying to his messages, as (a) there are some very serious legal proceedings about to take place, and (b) I'm desperately trying to protect myself and my son from this piece of shit.
Now my mum says she doesn't think my STBXH deserves to be separated from his son, and that my son deserves to know his dad. My baby is 9 months old, and the happiest baby you could hope to meet. I would never stop him from knowing his dad later when he wants to, and when he is old enough to know if something is wrong and to communicate it to me, but right now, when this is still very raw and my baby is still very little, my priorities are protecting us both and keeping us both as far away from this monster as possible. Mum says that people make mistakes...
Who is BU?