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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being ‘grabby’ or is this a bit CF?

127 replies

Hunlife · 02/12/2018 17:26

Yesterday I had a party for my daughter where she invited a few friends from school to an activity and lunch. All of the parents brought presents for her and she was really pleased. For the record I would never expect someone to bring a present for my child just so their’s can attend a party but I realise most parents will bring presents.

She opened them this morning and started to look at them. One of the presents was some kind of activity/craft set. I thought the box looked a bit tatty and when she opened it half the stuff was screwed up in the box and there were stickers missing (you could see where they have been peeled off the backing paper). AIBU to think it’s pretty rude to give a child something that her child has obviously opened had a good rifle thought and rejected? I have no objection to regifting but would only ever regift something untouched.

I’m moderately friendly with the mum and just quite shocked that she would think that this is acceptable.

OP posts:
Teacherlikemisstrunchball · 02/12/2018 17:28

It’s one of those things that I would think was a bit CF but wouldn’t let it occupy my mind for any longer than that. She probably didn’t realise her child had done some of the crafts and thought it was untouched and would be mortified if she realised. I wouldn’t mention it.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/12/2018 17:29

YOu may get a load of YABVU, she may be broke, or it is the thought that counts, but a used gift is rude. Better a box of Maltesers, or tube of Jelly Tots from the Poundshop.

Original poster
Hunlife · 02/12/2018 17:31

That’s the thing Aero if she hadn’t bought anything I, or anyone else, wouldn’t have given it a second thought. As it is DD is 8 and not stupid and knows that it has been played with prior to her receiving it.

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MrsJane · 02/12/2018 17:32

That's so rude!

Surely it's better to give nothing at all or something from the pound shop rather than a used present?! Very odd,

ScreamingValenta · 02/12/2018 17:33

Could she have bought it in a charity shop and not checked that it was intact?

WinterfellWench · 02/12/2018 17:34

YANBU. That is pretty awful. Regifting isn't terrible, but to regift something that has clearly been used is tight as fuck.

My friend got a dress for her daughter some years back (from someone) that stunk of ciggies, and had stains on, and obviously had no label, bag, or receipt. She binned it when the person had left.

As someone said, for better to just get a tube of smarties!

explodingkitten · 02/12/2018 17:35

I also think that the other child had a secret rummage without mum knowing it. I wouldn't mention it.

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 02/12/2018 17:35

Regifting is fine, but that is taking the piss, giving something in that state

HollowTalk · 02/12/2018 17:38

I wish your daughter had opened it in front of the mum!

Original poster
Hunlife · 02/12/2018 17:39

Thing is the state of the box and the way it had been pulled about didn’t look like a quick rummage. It looked like it had been taken out, looked at, used one or twice and put back in the box to be regifted.

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Original poster
Hunlife · 02/12/2018 17:39

I would never mention it! But unfortunately I now look at her in a different light

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ChodeofChodeHall · 02/12/2018 17:46

YANBU. It's fair enough to re-gift something that is unwanted but only if it's good as new.

It could be a genuine mistake, though. I'd assume it was, and try to forget about it.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 02/12/2018 17:56

She may have forgotten, and grabbed something in a panic. Or skint?

It's a tough one but it's the gesture more than the item itself that matters.

Buunylover · 02/12/2018 17:58

Give it back when it is her kid's birthday, sorted.

Blackbears · 02/12/2018 18:01

I had this once, my very girly girl was given a football that was supposed to hover. My DD couldn’t work out how to make it hover so I had a look, it was scratched and when I found the on off label the toggle switch was missing. I wouldn’t mind but the parent who gave it is a well paid pilot, guess they just couldn’t be arsed buying her a gift.

Mumof1DS · 02/12/2018 18:02

I'd say she either: brought it from a charity shop and didn't check it first or regifted and didn't realise DC had used it already. Or realised with panic that she hadn't sorted a gift and had to regift out of necessity?
I wouldn't mention it or judge personally.

mumlost1940 · 02/12/2018 18:03

I got a Teddy Bear once. It was in its original brand new box. It had holes in it tummy. One eye missing. Paws that could have been chewed by a dog. Its neck looked as though it had been ripped open by a vampire. Mind you it was war time which didn't mitigate the trauma. I'm 80 now and still receiving counselling.

BestZebbie · 02/12/2018 18:03

Bear in mind that it might also be her passing on something given to them without having ever opened it (I agree this is clutching at straws but I'm guessing you want to keep this relationship going)

SleepingStandingUp · 02/12/2018 18:05

but it's the gesture more than the item itself that matters
Agree, but not sure the gesture that a clearly half used and therefore not much use present is a good one to make

AliceRR · 02/12/2018 18:09

It's a tough one but it's the gesture more than the item itself that matters

I don’t get this. It’s a bit “it’s the thought that counts”. Well, in my mind, not a lot of thought went into this. Personally I’d have rather she hadn’t bothered.

I wouldn’t be happy about this OP but not much you can do as I wouldn’t want to mention it either.

katseyes7 · 02/12/2018 18:11

mumlost1940 l'm torn between laughing and crying at your post!

rubyroot · 02/12/2018 18:13

I'm not so sure it is rude. Perhaps she felt pressured to get something and didn't want to turn up with nothing. I remember getting things from friends when I was younger that clearly weren't brand new. I think they wanted to give something, but didn't have any money to buy anything new.

Original poster
Hunlife · 02/12/2018 18:15

mumlost1940 my father is also still trying to get over the trauma of receiving a half used chemistry set during the war!

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Gumbo · 02/12/2018 18:15

My DM once got invited to her best friend's DD's wedding. A few months earlier DM had been given a coffee perculator as a gift for her silver wedding so she regifted it to friend's DD. A few days later friend turned up in a rage accusing DM of deliberately giving her DD a used gift... it was still full of cold coffee grounds despite DM never having opened it! Their friendship never recovered....

Original poster
Hunlife · 02/12/2018 18:16

I don’t think she is short of a bob or two to be honest. She has a professional job and drives a brand new Merc. I think it’s more a “can’t be bothered approach” Confused

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