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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being ‘grabby’ or is this a bit CF?

127 replies

Hunlife · 02/12/2018 17:26

Yesterday I had a party for my daughter where she invited a few friends from school to an activity and lunch. All of the parents brought presents for her and she was really pleased. For the record I would never expect someone to bring a present for my child just so their’s can attend a party but I realise most parents will bring presents.

She opened them this morning and started to look at them. One of the presents was some kind of activity/craft set. I thought the box looked a bit tatty and when she opened it half the stuff was screwed up in the box and there were stickers missing (you could see where they have been peeled off the backing paper). AIBU to think it’s pretty rude to give a child something that her child has obviously opened had a good rifle thought and rejected? I have no objection to regifting but would only ever regift something untouched.

I’m moderately friendly with the mum and just quite shocked that she would think that this is acceptable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hunlife · 02/12/2018 21:59

oiiiiiiii your relatives could save a fuck ton of money this Christmas by just shitting into a gift box for you then. Don’t forget to smile and thank them.

OP posts:
Sarahrellyboo1987 · 03/12/2018 17:41

Some people feel obliged to bring a gift and feel guilty if they turn up with nothing.
I personally wouldn’t let it bother me and would tell my daughter the box probably got a bit shaken about in the post and that’s why things are tatty.

JellyLlama · 03/12/2018 17:43

I was given a designer-ish candle in a box last Christmas by DP's adult daughter. When I later opened the box, the candle had already been lit, probably for an evening. I'm glad I didn't open the box in front of her as it would've been awkward. She usually gives tasteful gifts, and I assume she regifted it having forgotten she'd already used it. I don't mind regifted presents that are unused. One elderly relative has a habit of giving us back what we gave her!

BlueJava · 03/12/2018 17:45

May be it was an accident on the mum's part? Perhaps she had a couple of them - one played with, one not. She gave you the wrong one? Just a suggestion it may not have been deliberate and she may be mortified!

longestlurkerever · 03/12/2018 17:49

I'd assume it was a mistake of some kind and not think any more about it. I kind of agree that giving this too much headspace (speculating as to what she earns and so on) crosses a line when it comes to manners. Expect nowt and you can't be disappointed.

BrightStarrySky · 03/12/2018 17:55

It just doesn’t matter. I would have no problem with this.

Talith · 03/12/2018 17:56

Gift giving, especially at a kids party, is often fairly token. Count the company as the recompense. I'd probably raise an eyebrow in truth, but sometimes we just don't have the bandwidth to purchase something in time so just let it go.

masterandmargarita · 03/12/2018 17:59

'Part of good manners is to put it out of your mind'?! Eh? Not sure manners are about policing the mind. You can think what the hell you like, but it's your behaviour that manners regulate.

OKhitmewithit · 03/12/2018 18:02

I expect it was an accident. I would be very surprised if she realised.

HappilyHarridan · 03/12/2018 18:03

Why are you assuming it was deliberate and ignoring all the people saying it could have been a mistake??

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 03/12/2018 18:12

Maybe she's really short of money, saw it in a charity shop and thought it was new? Or maybe she did buy it new but her daughter cheekily had a little play first. I always err on the side of cock-up rather than conspiracy - most people are nice.

Fatasfook · 03/12/2018 18:14

The gift was probably from her kid, her kid gave her something of her own which is sweet.

RB68 · 03/12/2018 18:17

Or maybe Mum is in an abusive relationship and there was no being "allowed" to purchase a gift for a party but DD couldn't go without anything so this was her solution

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2018 18:18

In terms of manners, it's much more rude to look a gift horse in the mouth, than it is to fuck up a present

Not in this context, is it fuck I mean seriously she'd have been better not giving a gift than giving something used like this.

Leapfrog44 · 03/12/2018 18:22

Don't worry about it. It;s probably full of plastic shit which will end up the oceans at some point.

Or perhaps you'd have liked a NEW box of plastic shit which will eventually be thrown out?

It really doesn't matter if it was re-gifted, it probably should have never been manufactured or gifted in he first place.

We're carving up the planet for all this unnecessary shit.

FairyFace · 03/12/2018 18:23

My MIL would constantly gift my kids things from charity shops, which is fine, but at least give them a wipe or remove the original kids names from the book. One such book said, To my dearest Flora, Happy Birthday, Dec 1982. FFs it was like 20yr old Barbie book, complete with bits of gravy thumb prints. Pure tat. My dd didn't even play with barbies

ShatnersBassoon · 03/12/2018 18:24

We had this exact same thing with a Postman Pat craft set when one of mine was little!

Of course it was either the parents getting mixed up and making a mistake, or desperation to give something but not being able to buy anything else. It didn't cross my mind to think they were cheeky, I felt sad that something had gone wrong for them.

yumyumpoppycat · 03/12/2018 18:31

I think it was a mistake probably she thought it had never been played with, some parents struggle to keep on top of everything (me being one!). my dd was given loads of random bits of tat that I doubt were new for her birthday by one friend - dd was delighted Grin there was also a home made card which I think is nice but only really if some effort has gone into it rather than oops we forgot to buy a card and only 2 minutes till we leave - here's a piece of white paper and a pencil.

Pipnik · 03/12/2018 18:38

I did this once. DD had a craft set she liked and I got one the same for her friend. I left DP to wrap it for the party and he wrapped the wrong one. I was mortified when I realised. I did apologise to the mum later but it was a while after.

Fridaydreamer · 03/12/2018 18:38

This is why a fiver in a card is always a safer bet Grin I’d be annoyed too OP as it shows (at best) a lack of much thought.

longestlurkerever · 03/12/2018 18:40

"only really if some effort has gone into it". Honestly I just don't resonate with this line of thinking. Obviously if some effort has gone into something that's nice but o genuinely don't judge someone for not putting effort in. Especially into something like a kids' card. It just doesn't really register. I'm not trying to be holier than thou. I've just genuinely found this thread eye opening.

ShatnersBassoon · 03/12/2018 18:43

I’d be annoyed too OP as it shows (at best) a lack of much thought.

At worst, a total lack of money.

christmaschristmaschristmas · 03/12/2018 18:59

I'd think 'how bloody odd', have a laugh about it to DH and move on.

longestlurkerever · 03/12/2018 18:59

How much thought do you want people to put into your child's party gift though? People have said they would be happy with no gift, which also involves no thought. So if that's true (and it would be for me - I genuinely am not invested in people bringing gifts) why is a crap gift with no thought so awful?

WorraLiberty · 03/12/2018 19:06

half the stuff was screwed up in the box and there were stickers missing (you could see where they have been peeled off the backing paper).

It was pretty obviously a mistake then.

You say you have no problem with re-gifting as long as it hasn't been rifled through.

She probably told her child to go and get it, but forgot to check inside the box first.