Flaunting on facebook when your DH is awaiting trial

[MuseumofInnocence]

Facebook, I know, work of the devil ... I have an acquaintance whose husband was arrested for drugs trafficking recently. They're out on bail and awaiting trial which could result in a few years in prison as it was in the papers and he was caught red handed. Their facebook is full of pictures of their happy family and their holidays. Their facebook had always been full of travel shots in lovely locations.

I don't think many people know about it as while it was in the local papers, he was arrested a long way from their local area. But there's no doubt it's him.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is kind of shameless?

Their facebook should be only local paper style sad-face photos.

If he’s going to go down they’re probably making the most of the time they have together beforehand. Unless she didn’t know what he was up to, chances are she didn’t mind where the money was coming from so they’re enjoying it while they can.

I know it's none of my business. Of course, I understand them spending time together, but there's a certain "instagrammable" nature to some of the shots and their latest holiday that annoyed me.

So someone you kmow has been arrested for drugs trafficking, something that destroys lives, and it's their fb profile that upsets you?

Annes post is spot on.

No of course, it's not the facebook profile that is a bigger crime than the drugs trafficking. But that given that he has been involved in destroying lives, taken illegal money, they are flaunting their happy family on holiday. I would sort of think they would feel some shame.

I don't think many people know about it as while it was in the local papers, he was arrested a long way from their local area.

Maybe she’s trying to keep it that way. He could get off - why the hell would you make a point of sharing the fact he was up in court with old school friends and former colleagues?

I'm not suggesting that she should be posting about the upcoming trial!

I would imagine any holidays are from before the arrest, given that bail tends to come with a condition that you don't leave the country (and often have to surrender your passport)

Absolutely YABU. I can totally see why some peoples response to this incredible stress is to act like everything is ok, and bury your head in the sand

Sorry OP but I hate attitudes like yours -
It’s so busy body. Like they should know their place. I will never forget the way members of my family treated a dear friend at my birthday party because his arrest had recently been in the local paper page of justice or whatever it’s called

Surely, if he was capable of feeling shame, it would be the immoral actions themselves he would be ashamed of, while he was doing them, not being found out after the fact?
Not sure I'm expressing it v well, but I think you're putting things in reverse order.

YABU. He hasn't been convicted of anything yet.

I mean, you seem to think he should be ashamed of being found out. Whereas I think he should be ashamed of being a drug dealer, not of people knowing he's a drug dealer.

You know they are just people right? And he’s not convicted. And his wife is someone too with a life.

To be extremely generous to someone who is possibly scum of the earth, we all have the ability to put parts of our lives in boxes when it suits us.

But yeah, it’s understandable you’re judging them. I’m just not sure I would be bothered to. People’s lives are complex.

No, I see the drugs dealing / trafficking should be the real cause of shame. It's just that I see the facebook a bit indicative of not feeling shame, if you see what I mean. Ok, I am being a bit of a busy body of me, any maybe it's old fashioned to belief in the idea of shame.

This us one of the oddest comments I've ever seen. Have you nothing better to do OP?

Also you will find that the sort of person who deals drugs has seriously low self awareness and awareness of what they’ve done or why it’s so horrific. That ability to compartmentalise is also one of the most important human abilities there is and protects us all in so many other more moral and legal situations. So while I don’t condone in the slightest what this cunt has done, I do understand how he can think it’s no big deal.

I doubt if anyone who commits the crimes he has would understand what shame actually is - he will have done this through greed so that they can have expensive holidays and put shit on facebook - let them have their moment because when the truth comes out properly, people will know what they are really like

It’s the wife that should be ashamed though isn’t it? It’s her Fb page

Do you really think it's odd? Of course it's not the centre of my existence, and all I think about. I just think it's a bit annoying and a bit indicative. Of course he's not convicted, but at least from the reporting (arrested with drugs to the value of hundreds of thousands of pounds in his van), it looks quite a clear cut case.

Did this person work for an Airline by any chance?

I do not agree with breaking the law or anything like that but think this is abit unreasonable. My brother was arrested earlier this year and my family got so much grief over this on glorious Facebook. The shame I actually felt over crimes I did not commit was awful but life goes on. She prob does feel shame and probably is worried about what people say or think even tho she didn't get arrested or charged. It's like should she not carry on her life be happy and enjoy the time they have together because someone might check her fb and think she's not acting shameful enough or should she sit there miserable not post anything and dwell on the fact she's being judged over someone else's actions. I don't even understand how someone else's fb upsets u and if it does then why do u still have them on fb! Shame on her for posting such inconsiderate things about her own life on her own Facebook and shame on her for being judged for a crime she did not commit! Unless u have been there how can u possibly judge or assume to know how she's feeling by a shitty Facebook post which may I add alot of people only post certain aspects of their life online to make themselves and their lives look better then they actually are! Fucking horrible being judged by someone else's fucked up actions and I'm speaking from my own experience. There's no bigger shame tho then the sad people who think they have a right to judge n discuss other people's lives for no reason other then they wouldn't do that or they wouldnt post that themselves unless u have been there who gives anyone the right to judge anyone but that's glorious fb for u remove her if she annoys u or u don't agree with what she's posting it's nothing to do with u. Like I said I don't agree with breaking the law and i don't mean offence with this post I'm simply saying maybe it's not her fault her fella decided to break the law n maybe it should be him who your judging. And if they have children it's them I feel sorry for personally as they will get judged now for his actions

I take the point that it's him that should feel shame as he was the dealer. But if you were flaunting your wealth and perfect family pre-arrest, it does seem a bit shameful to be flaunting your travel post-arrest.

I also get that drug dealers don't typically feel shame.

I'm assuming the lovely holidays have come about because of the money made from drugs trafficking. How lovely for them.

My step brother was ravaged from fucking drugs. My BIL turned into a nasty piece of shit, because of drugs. My step-father's friend died from jumping off a moving bus when they were younger, because of the drugs sold to her (she thought she could fly. Obviously couldn't. A 16 year old's life, snuffed out, like that). Dealers were trying to sell it to the local school kids.

Drugs traffickers are pieces of shit that deserve to rot in hell for the part they play in helping to facilitate the destruction of lives. YNBU, when the flaunting of that life has come about on the morally bankrupt back of dealing in drugs.

No they didn't work for an airline.